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Old 16-08-2005, 17:21:32   #1
Lazarus and the Gimp
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Look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair.

I'm building a patio. Any predictions on the outcome?
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Old 16-08-2005, 17:23:49   #2
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should we alert the emergency services now?
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Old 16-08-2005, 17:24:35   #3
Gramercy Riffs
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I've never been to Bristol, but I imagine it looks like this.

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Old 16-08-2005, 17:28:05   #4
Nills Lagerbaak
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Old 16-08-2005, 17:28:11   #5
Lazarus and the Gimp
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That's the Bristol in Umbria, not the West Country.
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Old 16-08-2005, 17:33:35   #6
Japher
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3 dogs will die
1.6 pints of blood will be spilt
and 3 minor appendages will be lost
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Old 16-08-2005, 17:38:37   #7
Gary
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After a fair bit of cussing and shouting, "Ouch" you'll have a servicable patio area. Just so long as no one walks on it, that is.
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Old 16-08-2005, 18:02:06   #8
Immortal Wombat
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Quote:
Originally posted by Lazarus and the Gimp
I'm building a patio. Any predictions on the outcome?
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level garden stretches far away.
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Old 16-08-2005, 18:10:03   #9
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An aerial view.
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Old 16-08-2005, 18:11:17   #10
Japher
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needs a water feature
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Old 16-08-2005, 18:15:59   #11
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The project will be a great success......after it runs over budget by about 3 million dollars.
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Old 16-08-2005, 18:32:54   #12
The Norks
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you will have to be freed from the concrete by three firemen and you will break at least one toe. possibly all ten when you drop a flagstone.

Oh the calamity!
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Old 16-08-2005, 19:41:53   #13
Lazarus and the Gimp
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Current odds-

5/4 Paving slab dropped on foot, toe or finger
2/1 Fall in concrete.
3/1 Pave over some vitally important yet obscure public amenity, or small child.
5/1 Patio ends up resembling a scale model of the Alps
10/1 Fall into the cement mixer
20/1 The scalpings turn out to be a blend of depleted uranium and blue asbestos
50/1 It gets finished.
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Old 16-08-2005, 21:00:42   #14
devilmunchkin
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perhaps..
it will be a patio..like cider is to oerdin's scrumpy?
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Old 17-08-2005, 02:18:21   #15
Greg W
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I've built a patio before. Took me a year. Let's see if you can beat my record.

Oh, end result - it was perfectly serviceable, and still is 5 years later. No subsiding or anything. And it actually looks pretty good too. No major injuries were sustained, and from memory, no minor ones either. The best part was using the diamond tipped saw to cut the pavers. Working with big saws = gud.
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Last edited by Greg W; 17-08-2005 at 02:21:02.
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Old 17-08-2005, 02:42:46   #16
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Patio falls apart crushing everyone on it shortly after it's completed.
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Old 17-08-2005, 03:13:09   #17
Chris
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I predict we will read amusing tails of disaster at your expense.
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Old 17-08-2005, 09:10:47   #18
Funko
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I'm looking forward to the "how do I stop her swearing before her mother comes home" thread.
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Old 17-08-2005, 09:13:55   #19
MoSe
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Quote:
Originally posted by Lazarus and the Gimp
That's the Bristol in Umbria, not the West Country.
Bristol in Umbria??

There's a Bastia there, but not Bristol.
Do you have a villa in central Italy?
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Old 17-08-2005, 09:24:27   #20
Gary
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Quote:
Cuesta de la Victoria, 9
18010 - Granada, Spain
Maybe not Italy
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Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall,
Aleph-null bottles of beer,
You take one down, and pass it around,
Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall.
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Old 17-08-2005, 09:39:32   #21
MoSe
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Ah,L'Umbria!
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WHEN A JOKER SWALLOWS, HE DOES IN JEST
RELATIVISM IS AN ABSOLUTE VALUE
ALL TWATS IN THE DARK ARE GAY
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be
THIS IS MY LAST POST !!!
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Old 17-08-2005, 10:32:57   #22
Fergus & The Brazen Car
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Self-built patios=

toejam or fingerpaste, produced with slab, brick, hammer or wood.

My advice ? Get the missus to do it, and alphabetize your albums or visit Boscastle instead.
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Old 17-08-2005, 19:56:30   #23
Lazarus and the Gimp
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Join Date: Nov 2001
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Quote:
Originally posted by MoSe
Bristol in Umbria??

There's a Bastia there, but not Bristol.
Do you have a villa in central Italy?
I was feebly taking the piss.
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Old 17-08-2005, 19:57:33   #24
Lazarus and the Gimp
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Join Date: Nov 2001
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Quote:
Originally posted by Fergus & The Brazen Car

My advice ? Get the missus to do it, and alphabetize your albums or visit Boscastle instead.
When Boscastle flooded, I was just a few miles up the coast. In a tent. That was a scary night.
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Old 17-08-2005, 20:08:45   #25
Gary
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Quote:
Originally posted by Lazarus and the Gimp
I was feebly taking a piss.
Get that prostate looked at !
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Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall,
Aleph-null bottles of beer,
You take one down, and pass it around,
Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall.
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Old 17-08-2005, 20:14:13   #26
Lazarus and the Gimp
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Nope. The view's nothing to write home about, so I'll settle for The Finger.

The prostate is a great leveller.
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Old 17-08-2005, 20:33:54   #27
Provost Harrison
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Looking to bury someone annoying under it in a Fred West style? If not, remember, this is your big chance to do so
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