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Old 01-02-2005, 14:31:33   #12
King_Ghidra
pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo
 
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Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: MORAL HARDCORE CHAMPION
Quote:
Originally posted by alsieboo
Now I've got your attention, please read and comment. be as cutting and truthful as you have to be.
you story doesn't have an end - i guess you wrote the rest later

your main character is completely faceless, we don't know what she looks like (other than she is short) , we don't know what she likes (other than muscular men) or dislikes, we don't know what makes her happy or sad, we don't know why she has to lie to her mother (presumably she is young or living with her mother for some reason) we just know she went to meet a strange man for some unknown reason (presumably sex)

basically you wrote a story about yourself and because it was about you you didn't bother to decribe yourself or your motivations - because you already know those, don't you.
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i check my hair at the elevator mirror and the highlight of my day when I say hi to a girl who's opposite of the elevator door at my floor. the one i went out with.
after that, it's the same old fucking thing all over again.
-paiktis
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