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Old 06-11-2003, 16:18:14   #7
Resource Consumer
Guardian of All Things Holy
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Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Al Khobar, Magic Kingdom
Scene Firaxis HQ. Monday Morning.
Sid enters

BR : Morning Sid. Better now.

SM : Morning Brian. Yes. Look it was wrong of me to challenge your genius. Letís get the show back on the road.

BR : Good, I was seriously worried about you for a while. Why the change of heart?

SM : I had dinner with Bruce Shelley over the weekend. Man is he in trouble.

BR : Why, the CDs playing him up? CtP lagging behind? You think we can steal a march or something?

SM : Maybe, he seemed to stand up an awful lot. But itís more the content of CtP.

BR : Do tell

SM : Well some of the wacko units heís added Ė lawyers, for example. Slavers. Made me realise that we were on the right lines.

BR : Yeah. People would just laugh at us if we did anything really stupid like that.

SM : So, any more progress?

BR : Working on the dialogue mainly. Iíll have a few lines to give to the crew soon.

SM : Brian. Iíve just realised. We havenít got anyone to do the voice of planet.

BR : No problem, Sid. Iíve already thought of that.

SM : Who?

BR : Me.

SM : You. But, sorry Brian, you donít sound anything like the way I imagine planet to sound.

BR : Sid. See this plastic cup. I bite on it so it comes up and covers my nose then I pitch my voice up a little higher.

SM : Will that work?

BR : Absolutely. With a little tweaking of the recording levels so it distorts itíll sound out of this world, all distorted and crackling. And whatís better people will think we f**ked it up. Meanwhile weíll all be rolling around the floor laughing at their stupidity.

SM : Brian. Thatís brilliant.

BR : Iíve also been doing some work tweaking the Pizza Delivery Boys.

SM : How?

BR : I think they should be made slightly sort of communist. Iíve even found a great quote from Marx to use at the beginning.

SM : ďThe history of all hitherto existing society is the history of class struggleĒ?

BR : Nope.

SM : ďThe workers have nothing to lose in this but their chains. They have a world to gain. Workers of the world, uniteĒ?

BR : Iím impressed. Thatís not it, though.

SM : So what is it then?

BR : ďI wouldnít join any club that would have me as a memberĒ

SM : Marx said that?

BR : Yeah. But it wasnít in one of the films, though.

SM : Films?

BR : Multitalented guy. And history proved him right.

SM : How?

BR : Sid. Our local tennis club is not very exclusive, right.

SM : They even let us in.

BR : Right. Now follow the logic. Our club would have Marx as a member, yeah?

SM : Yeah, I suppose.

BR : So when did you last see him sipping orange squash or playing mixed doubles, hey?

SM : Never

BR : Right. Our club would have him as a member but he hasnít joined. See, history proves him right again. What genius.

Enter JKM

BR : Jeff, do you play tennis?

JKM : Not any more.

SM : Whatís up Jeff?

JKM : Ha, ha Sid. Very funny?

SM : I meant any bugs?

JKM : None whatsoever. I went right through this place over the weekend Ė all sorts of bug sprays, sodium chlorate, formaldahide, weedol and paraquat. There wonít be a living thing left now. I can help with some of the creative things if you like.

SM : Well Jeff, what do you want to do.

JKM : Well, graphics, design, scribbling on bits of paper. I was quite good at that at school.

BR : You should leave the real creative stuff to me, but you can try at drawing out the concept of a noodlejet.

SM : Brian are you still serious about that one.

BR : Yep Ė Iíve extended the concept a bit, though. The idea is that it flies off to the target and wraps itself around it thus immobilising it and allowing other units to attack.

JKM : Great Brian. Iíll see what I can do. Thanks for trusting me.

Exit JKM

BR : Sid, Iíve also done something towards the tech advances.

SM : Great. Which one.

BR : Well, there is this one called Petty Minded Bureaucracy

SM : Sounds good. Go on?

BR : Well itís the free tech that the Car Park Attendants get.

SM : What do you do with it?

BR : Well this allows you to introduce parking restrictions on your neighbour. I mean that really enhances the diplomacy and we can add personal contact.

SM : How?

BR : Well if your mobile phone battery is dead, then you have to go and ring your neighbourís doorbell to ask him to move his units.

SM : Or you can enter into a contract with the Car Park Attendants to get them towed away?

BR : Right on Sid. And of course thereís a new unit Ė the Tow Truck. Tows away opponents units on your land back to the planetary parking lot.

SM : The planetary parking lot?

BR : Yep. Itís one of those cool map features Iíve been working on. I might even put it underground. If it's in your territory you get +1 parking.

SM : Anything else new.

BR : Well, Iíve done the dialogue for this advance and Drunk Harryís coming in this morning to try the voiceover.

SM : Why so early?

BR : If we donít get him early, we donít get him at all.

Enter Drunk Harry

Brian hands him the paper

BR : OK Harry, go for it.

DH : ďTickets exist to be issued. And issued they will be - if not to one driver than to some future. By what right does this obstruction deny us our birthright. None I say ! let us take what is our right, issue tickets, and tow away.Ē Chief Parking Attendant Drunk Harry. Hic!

SM : Sheer poetry, Brian.

DH collapses

Enter Brit Babe stepping over Drunk Harry

BB : Whoís poisoned my lovely bonsai tree

SM : My God, it must have been Jeff on his bug hunt.

BB : Iíll kill him, I loved that tree, Iím gonna stick it right upÖ(charges out of room)

BR : Thatís great Deidre. Your really getting into character. I knew that you wouldnít let me down. Isn't she great Sid?

SM : Wonder what she looks like in leather?

Enter JKM, very slowly

JKM : Do you know what that crazy Brit just did?

SM : I can guess.

Holds up story board with a picture somewhat resembling a plate of spaghetti.

JKM : Look, Sid, Brian. A noodlejet.

SM : Well itísÖinteresting

BR : No good, Jeff. Sorry.

JKM : Why?

BR : Looks exactly like another unit.

SM : Yeah, the Compost Heap. The confusion would be terrible.

BR : No hold it. Iíve had another idea. Why donít we make all the units look like the Compost Heap then your opponent wouldnít know what youíre up to.

SM : Brian. Time for lunch I think. Weíll discuss this one.

Tune in tomorrow for another episode of FIRAXIANS
Scene - Tim Trainís office
Present Ė Tim Train, Jeff Morris (standing)

TT : Jeff, how are you doing nowadays?

JKM : I thought I got rid of the bugs with all that serial pesticide over the weekend. But, hell no, Sid and Brian are still running around talking about bugs.

TT : No. I meant in yourself?

JFM : Haha. Actually, you get used to it. The CD is hell, but I kind of like the Bonsai tree. Iíll just have to get it pruned once in a while. Actually TimÖ..

TT : Yes

JKM : I meant to ask you. Youíve got kind of a funny last name. I wondered why?

TT : It was originally Smith, but I enjoyed Railway Tycoon II so much I changed it.

JKM : Oh

TT : Actually, Iíve shortened it. Itís really Tim Express-Train. But Iím gonna change it again.

JKM : Why?

TT : Well BIGMAC is gonna be such a huge hit I want to have a name thatís associated with it and not some hulk rusting in a railway shed.

JKM : What do you have in mind?

TT : Well I was toying with Tim Compost-Heap but I think maybe people will laugh. The other one I liked was Tim Car-Park-Attendant but that made me sound as if I was Korean.

JFM : Something thatís really and deeply associated with the game, you say?

TT : Yes

JFM : How about Tim Bug?

TT : Short and to the point, I like it.

Enter Brit Babe

BB : Hi. Whatís cooking.

JFM : Timís changing his name.

BB : What to Tim?

TT : No Iím already called Tim.

BB : Iím changing my name too

TT : Actually, we donít know what your name is anyway.

BB : Promise you wonít laugh..

JFM : Promise.

TT : Promise.

BB : Ok. ItísÖerÖÖ Miriam

JFM/TT : mwahahahahahahaha

JFM : So why does Brian call you Deidre

BB : Because heís a jackass

TT : So what are you gonna change it to?

BB : Deidre


Cut to Brianís office.

SM : So how are we going to deal with outbreaks of war? I mean, itís a bit lame the way weíve got it now where they say ďI donít like you any more and my big brotherís gonna nuke youĒ.

BR : That was Tommyís idea. I thought we should encourage him.

SM : No Brian weíre going to have to do better than that.

BR : Well Iíve got one idea.

SM : Yes

BR : Well I have a lot of trouble with the people opposite my house. Always mowing their lawn, or playing with the dog and screaming kids. While all I want to do is just sit quiet on my veranda.

SM : So what do you do?

BR : I go over and tell them that unless they keep the noise down Iíll tell the local authority whoíll, in order of importance, dismantle their lawnmower, take away their dog and have their kids put to sleep. Then Iím gonna take apart their house brick by brick.

SM : Fighting talk. I think youíre onto something there Bri. Does it work?

BR : Seems to. They never seem to stick around long.

SM : My only worry is that itís a bit too long-winded.

BR : I agree. I am just imagining a shorthand way of saying it. Iím sitting outside the house and they start. I walk over and say ďveranda upon youĒ

SM : Why?

BR : Because it always happens when Iím on my veranda.

SM : Great Brian.

Enter JKM

JKM : Have either of you seen the secateurs?

Tune in Tomorrow for another episode of FIRAXIANS
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