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Old 06-11-2003, 16:15:45   #6
Resource Consumer
Guardian of All Things Holy
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Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Al Khobar, Magic Kingdom
Episode 7. Thursday Morning
Scene Firaxis HQ.

Present : Sid, Brian, Jeff Morris, Tim Train, Chris Pine and the Brit Babe

SM : Look we've gotta sort this f**king planet stuff out. I mean we've got to decide what it looks like first and worry about the creepy crawlies later

BB : Eeeeek. Hate creepy crawlies

BR : I have got planet all worked out.

SM : Yes?

BR : We make it exactly like Earth?

SM : Earth?

BR : Yep. We make it exactly the same and we can use all the same maps and everything.

JKM (still standing) : how can it be earth. It's supposed to be Alpha bleeding Centauri. I mean people will notice.

BR : Not if we turn the map upside down

CP : So the South Pole is in the North and the North Pole is in the South? Brilliant.

BR : Yep.

CP : And you still can't get over either of them?

BR : Well I never have.

SM : Brian. They'll notice - even the gaming community are not that dumb. That's not going to work. We will be crucified, pilloried and laughed at. We need to have random maps certainly and, for those that want it, a defined ALIEN map.

BR : I don't see what's so great about random maps anyway. I never liked them in Civ2. I always used to play on the same map and load it in.

SM : Didn't you find it monotonous to always know where everything was?

BR : No

SM : Why?

BR : Kept forgetting. That's why I kept loading the map in.

TT : Yawn

SM : Keeping you up are we Tim?

TT : Sorry, late night last night. I was out with Carmen

BR : Hey Deidre. Go and get us some coffee, hey.

Exit Brit Babe

SM : So what does she look like in leather?

BR : Who Deidre? No idea - she won't wear animal skins. Must be allergic or something

SM : No Carmen. Is Deidre really her name?

BR : Who Carmen? Don't think so. I usually call women Deidre, though, it saves remembering all their names.

SM : Do I take it there will be a faction leader called Deidre in this game?

BR : They're all going to be called Deidre. That we can save on memory and disk space.

CP : We're gonna have 7 faction leaders called Deidre?

BR : Yep. And we're gonna use the same photos for all of them.

SM : Brian. Have you thought of taking a holiday?

BR : No. There's too much to do keeping the ideas flowing. Now what about the creepy crawlies?

SM : Well I was thinking that we could have the concept of an alien lifeforce linked to planet that used psi attack.

BR : Sci attack? Like hi-tech stuff? I like that, but it's not the organic thing we were looking for..

SM : no, psionics - mind power

BR : Bet we've got enough in this room to melt any planet. Hehe. No wouldn't work. Look at this for a minute Sid and tell me what you think.

Hands drawing to Sid.

SM : You could be onto something here Brian. Did you just draw this from imagination.

BR : No, from this

Hands photo to Sid

SM : But that's a photo of the compost heap in your garden

BR : Exactly Sid. I think you are at last getting on my wavelength. What does a compost heap do - it rots down matter in a planet friendly form. So, my vision is for all of these alien compost heaps whizzing around the planet. Then when it comes to attack...

SM : they have psionic power.

BR : No the smell overcomes all defenders that haven't upgraded to gasmask armour. That's the new angle we've been looking for - sensual intercourse with the planet.

Enter Brit Babe

BB : Coffee. Brian isn't that what you suggested last night.

BR : No.

SM : Deirdr.... uh, Brit Babe, can you set up some auditions with people who want to be faction leaders, please. Brian. We are NOT having 7 faction leaders looking all the same and being called Brit... uh, Deidre. That is final.

BB : Yes Sid.

Exit Brit Babe

BR : OK Sid, but I'm only counting the pennies. Remember there's Jeff's operation to consider. Well that's a good mornings work. We've sorted out planet. I think we're really making progress here. Lunch, Sid?

CP : Jesus

JKM : I'll sit this one out.

TT : zzzzzz

Tune in Later for FIRAXIANS......
Episode 8
Present Sid, Brian and Brit Babe

SM : Brian. Let's see about who we can get for these faction leaders.

BR : Well, we've already got Deidre here, the lead Hari Krishna, the pizza delivery boy and Carmen the barmaid. So we only need leaders for the Bank Managers, Car Park Attendants and Students

SM : Brian. Are you sure that we really have the right people and, frankly, the right factions.

BR : Of course we have. Look Deidre is perfect as Deidre. It's as if the part was made for her.

SM : It was. I think we should audition her anyway.

BB : Isn't that what happened last night?

BR : Yes. Look Sid she's perfect. She'll even pose naked..

SM : naked?

BB : Uh ha. But tastefully of course. Wouldn't like the folks back home to think I did this sort of thing..

BR : ... a lot

BB : no, just this sort of thing.

SM : Brit Babe. Just read out a bit of this spiel - let's see how you do

Hands paper to Brit Babe

BB : The preval...

SM : In a Scottish accent, remember.

BB : the preval. What's that word.

SM : Prevalence.

BR : This is a bit unfair. I couldn't say that. And certainly not in a Scottish accent.

BB : OK. The prevalence of anorexic environments

SM : that's anoxic, not anorexic.

BB : Your hurting my confidence. Brian, do I look overweight to you.

SM : Just read the damned lines.

BB : The prevalence of anoxic environments rich in organic material combined with the presence of nitrated compounds has led to animated compost heaps roving across the planet. Och Aye.

SM : Brian, Brit Babe. I think that one needs some more work all round.

BB : OK Sid, your place or mine.

Tune in later for more auditions in FIRAXIANS
Episode 9.
Scene - Sid's Office.

A knock on the door

SM : Come

JFM enters, in apparent discomfort.

SM : What is it Jeff. Can't you see I'm busy. I've got the auditions later and I can't trust Brian to do them alone. He'll hire a complete bunch of f**kwits.

JFM : I think you're already too late Sid. Brian has used his executive authority. He's filled all the slots. That's sad because I wanted to play the leader of the Bank Managers.

SM : No. This is a nightmare. Who has he hired?

JKM : You'd better come and see for yourself.


scene - Brian's office

BR : Congratulations all of you. I am so pleased to welcome you on board. I know we're gonna make a great game.

Enter Sid

SM : What's going on. I'm told you've hired everybody already.

BR : Yep. The creative juices were really flowing and I've found just the right people. No need for all those expensive auditions. Waste of time. let's just get on with the game. Let me introduce you:

Carmen, you already know. She's a barmaid and she's playing the leader of the Barmaids. The pizza delivery boy who is playing the leader of the Pizza Delivery Boys. You remember the head Hari Krishna - he plays the leader of the Hari Krishnas and, last but not least, Deidre who plays Deidre, leader of the Vegetarians.

SM : But who are the others?

BR : Had to work a bit harder on them. I agree they're not so naturally cast as the others. However, I think you'll see my logic.

SM : I fear I'm finding that incredibly difficult these days Brian.

BR : Look. Let me introduce you. First here's Drunk Harry - he's playing the leader of the Car Park Attendants.

SM : Dare I ask why?

BR : Because Drunk Harry, here, is so useless that he'd fall asleep on the job and never give anyone any tickets. He introduces a human side to the Car Park Attendants.

DH : Hic!

SM : I don't believe this.

BR : I couldn't find a real bank manager to be leader of the Bank Managers, but I thought a good shopkeeper would have a good enough grasp of business practice. My first choice was Mr Banerjee from the newsagents - he was willing but he has all the early starts to mark up the papers so it wasn't really practical. Anyway, he suggested his brother, Ranjit. He ran a couple of shops back in India - good experience. Just what we needed and he's just arrived over here.

Ranjit : Very pleased to be meeting you, Mr Sidney.

SM : This sort of makes sense, I suppose.

BR : There's only one problem, though. Those are the only words he can speak in English. Still, we'll work around that and get Brit Babe to give him some lessons.

SM : So, who's the kid?

BR : Oh, you noticed. Well, unfortunately, the university is on vacation at the moment so I had a bit of difficulty finding someone to play the leader of the students. But, I had a stroke of luck, my neighbour's kid Tommy. He'll be perfect.

SM : But he looks about 7

Tommy : ... and a half

SM : Brian. I am going home to lie down. We need some serious thought about where we are going with this game. I'll call you later

Exit Sid

slams the door

BR : Well that went really well, I thought he might have been annoyed.

Drunk Harry : Hic!

Tommy runs up to Brian and whispers.

BR : out in the corridor, 2nd left.

BR : Ok. Assemble later and I'll give you some of your lines to learn.

FIRAXIANS - the everyday story of a f**ked up games company
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