View Single Post
Old 06-11-2003, 14:51:53   #4
Resource Consumer
Guardian of All Things Holy
 
Resource Consumer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Al Khobar, Magic Kingdom
At Red's request (I had to dig around somewhat for this) and a tribute to the inspirational Mr Morris

The everyday life of game company folk.
Episode 1 of 4027

Scene - Firaxis HQ
Present - Sid and Brian

SM : Brian, what do you think of my ideas for a civII rip o.. er, I mean follow up.

BR : OK as far as it goes, I think it should have more babes in it, though

SM : How do you mean?

BR : Well. Have you seen our new production assistant?

SM : The Brit girl?

BR : She's Scottish, actually. I celebrated St Patrick’s day with her

SM : So what do you propose?

BR : Well, let's make her leader of the vegetarians.

SM : The what?

BR : You know the one's that live in the trees. You know, she really goes in the open air.

SM : You haven't?

BR : That's for me to know....

Enter JKM walking oddly

SM : Hi JKM. What's up?

BR : Jeff, you're sure walking funnily.

JKM : It's odd. A guy ran up to me in the street and said he was from the future and knew what I was working on.

BR : You mean one of the CtP crew?

JKM : No. Didn't recognise him. Anyway he took out this CD. Didn't see the title but it was called SMEG or something. He stuffed it...

BR : He didn't...

JKM : He did. I doubt if I'll be able to sit down and check for any bugs now.

Doorbell Rings

Sid opens door. Chinese pizza delivery boy enters.

Boy : Pizza...

SM : Just drop it on the table, son.

JKM : Christ this is killing me. I doubt if I'll be able to eat anything

Pizza Boy : What do I care for your suffering...

BR : Hey, son, do you want to be in a computer game?

Tune in later for the next episode of Firaxians...

--------------------------------------
Episode 2.
BR : Morning Sid, I've had some new ideas about the factions

SM : Good we need more - we've only got two.

BR : Yeah but I'm proud of both the Vegetarians and the Pizza Delivery Boys

SM : Brian, I'm not sure about the names.

BR : Nah. Sid. They'll be great.

SM : So what's the idea today.

BR : Well. No new factions yet. I'm not sure that we need them. It's about the Pizza Delivery Boys.

SM : Yeah

BR : Have you noticed that when one pizza place opens, another one inevitably follows and then another and another...

SM : So?

BR : We give them +1 growth to reflect real life. That'll shut up those whingers who are bound to complain that the game doesn't have enough realism.

SM : Great idea Bri. But I'm sure we need more factions.

Enter JKM

SM : How's the bugs, Jeff.

JKM : still can't sit down. I'll QA standing up in the local pub, if you don't mind Brian.

BR : fine by me

Exit JKM

SM : Well I had one idea. Why not a bunch of survivalists - we can give them military advantages.

BR : booooring. Every game has something like that. We need a new angle. Got it - the Flower Sellers.

SM : What?

BR : The Flower Sellers. They get +1 planting flowers.

SM : We've already got the Gaia... I mean Vegetarians.

BR : Oh yeah. Forgot. Have to watch the play balance.

Later.....

Later. Enter JKM ( somewhat drunk) and Carmen the barmaid from the local pub

JKM : I don't know but I've been told,
Carmen the barmaid really goes,
she's gorgeous with a ready wit,
dig that crazy latin b....

Carmen : (kneeing JKM in the groin) Any more of that and I'll do it again

SM : What's up Carmen?

JKM : oooaaahhh

Carmen : He's drunk and tried to grope me. No man does that.

BR : I've got an idea...

SM : No Brian, please

BR : Carmen, what do you look like in leather... oooaaah

exit Carmen

*********************************************
SM : Feeling better now Brian

BR : Yeah. We've now got three factions. Makes me feel really a whole lot better - the Vegetarians, the Pizza Delivery Boys and the Barmaids.

SM : Wonder what Carmen looks like in leather?

Tune in later for the next episode....

-------------------------------------------
Episode 3. Downtown. SM and BR have just finished lunch
SM : It's OK Bri. I'll pay the check. Don't want you getting distracted from your creative musings.

BR : Still keen on the Flower Sellers

SM : We agreed.

BR : OK, OK. Let's go.

Go Outside. A group of Hari Krishnas are chanting, dancing and rattling tambourines.

SM : Got it. We could have a faction that's really peaceful.

BR : (not listening) I wonder how these guys stop from treading on the ants. They must get some occasionally. And the haircuts. Yep, must get a haircut like that.

SM : Are you listening Brian. A peaceful faction...

BR : Sorry. Was just thinking we should have a peaceful faction

SM : Brilliant idea Brian. We could call them the P...

BR : Hari Krishnas. That's it - oh I'm so brilliant today - right on form. Or the tambourines? No Hari Krishnas it is. We give them +1 chanting and dancing which reduced their drone riots. Or maybe an extra talent. That's detail and your department Sid.

BR turns to lead Hari Krishna

BR : Do you want to be in a computer game?

********************************************

SM : Here's the car, Brian

BR : What's this - you've got a ticket Sid.

SM : Damn. We only overstayed by 5 minutes. Look there's that bastard of a car park attendant I'll give him a good slapping.

BR : Cool it Sid, calm down

SM : I mean it's just this rampant money grabbing capitalism. It makes me sick. It really does. Wait, that's it I've got a great idea for a faction. It's so modern life, it's so...

BR : You don't mean...

SM : Yes. We can have a faction that is so utterly capitalist, so grasping and we can call them the...

BR : Brilliant Sid. The Car Park Attendants.

Sid drives the car out. Camera pans back to reveal the sign reading "Morgan Car Parks"

----------------------------------------
Episode 4.
Firaxis HQ. Monday Morning

TT : .......and

BR : That was it. She just led me on the little minx. I mean, I bought her a hamburger, fries the lot.

TT : I thought she was a vegetarian.

BR : Oh. That might explain it. I'll buy her a bonsai tree for lunch then.

Enter SM

SM : Hi Bri. Any luck with the factions?

BR : No luck anywhere. Particularly with that production assistant last night.

SM : Never mind I have. I've got two ideas.

BR : Great Sid. About time you started to pull your weight around here with JKM a bit under the weather after that CD thing. Let's hear them then.

SM : Well. I drove past the university yesterday and I thought what about an academic faction. Lot's of science etc.

BR : Could work I suppose.

SM : Yes. Make them very experimental and science orientated.

BR : No. Got it. We make them all students. I mean imagine they could have immunity from drone riots as many of them are used to living on nothing. Yes, and they can have +1 vacations. Sid, you always inspire me to great ideas. The Students it is. Did you have any more.

SM : Well I thought we could have a religious party.

BR : Sid. We should keep religion out of it - might damage sales.

TT : Yawn.

BR : Sales are our life blood. We need a hate figure. I mean fundamentalism is a good one for people to pick on, but we don't want to end up on the receiving end of a fatwa. No Sid, go away and think about it some more.

SM : OK Brian.

BR : Gotta go - late for a meeting.

********************************************

BR : so I give you 10 percent of all I earn and you do what...

EA Rep : Precisely nothing. That's why it's a great business, this publishing.

SM : (thinks) Jesus. I hate publishers.

BR : I've just had an idea Sid. Why don't we give them 20 per cent and they can do it twice as well or in half the time.

SM : Because Brian, we don't have any money in the bank. We're next to skint and we can't even afford the medical bills to remove the CD from JKM.

JKM : (thinks) Jesus, I hate bank managers.

SM, JKM, BR (in unison) : That's it. Bank Managers

BR : Oh I'm so good at this. Everyone hates bank managers. What a wonderful faction. We can give them -1 imagination.

SM : Brian. It's your best idea yet. We now have 7 factions, we can now think about what to do with them

EA Rep : (thinks) Are we doing right by associating with these bozos. Maybe CtP would have been a better deal.
__________________
Bossman
Resource Consumer is offline   Reply With Quote