View Full Version : I write shitty reviews for a fucking campus rag part X

Scabrous Birdseed
23-11-2002, 15:08:35
This is one of the weaker ones I've written, had to throw one off in an hour.

HELLACOPTERS – By The Grace of God
25th Nov, Mercury

No offence to our large cache of graduate student readers, but maturity is a bit of a bugger, isn’t it? It carries obligations. Something as seemingly natural as watching TV and eating ice-cream directly from the tub while wearing nothing but a Wu Tang Clan T-Shirt is frowned upon. And there’s absolutely no way social convention will allow you to play Garage Rock.

Which leaves artists like The Hellacopters in a bit of a dilemma, really. Having against all probability survived an entire decade’s worth of Stooges-level decadence they’re now stranded at the uncomfortable Beatle-splitting age of 30 with scores of little Hives and Mando Diaos snapping at their ankles. And they’re finally attempting to evolve musically in a substantial way.

If that doesn’t scare you, and it should, the direction they’ve chosen probably will. The Hellacopters have become a Stadium Rock band. Drawing inspiration chiefly from Cheap Trick and Blüe Öyster Cult, they play grandiose, overblown anthem-based rock with loads of piddly guitar solos. And, er, it’s rather good.

Yes, you read that right. The problem is that the Hellacopters have artistic credibility. They care about their appearance, their production, their instrumentation. They write poignant lyrics. Their melodies are well-crafted and intelligent. And, surprisingly, among all the Status Quo-cum-Thin Lizzy sounds are enough smidgens of Bowie, Greg Kihn, Willy DeVille and Bruce Springsteen (and enough blinding originality) to ably demonstrate that they’re much more knowing than you’d think.

All of which goes to show that Maturity carries positive aspects as well, I suppose. The Hellacopters seem to have mastered both considered subtlety and primal Rock ‘n’ Roll energy. With middle age coming on, you wonder how long it can possibly last.

23-11-2002, 15:10:33
Word always does this wrong…
Rock ’n’ Roll, not Rock ‘n’ Roll.

Scabrous Birdseed
23-11-2002, 15:22:27

Scabrous Birdseed
23-11-2002, 15:23:19
I wish it'd be like in Sweden and everyone would just use ’ everywhere.

*End Is Forever*
23-11-2002, 15:33:55
I've got an article in Nouse this time too, but not in the music section...

Scabrous Birdseed
23-11-2002, 15:37:22
They were slagging it off in the office when I was there yesterday. Apparently you had used the word "pragmatic" seven times in a single paragraph.

*End Is Forever*
23-11-2002, 15:40:05
I didn't, I don't think. But even if I did pragmatism cannot be understated. :)

Scabrous Birdseed
23-11-2002, 15:41:44
Just vary it occasionally. "Principleless", "Amoral", "Evil" are good substitutes.

*End Is Forever*
23-11-2002, 15:58:37

I just checked, I used it three times in one paragraph, but two of them were a deliberate repeat; "It was this pragmatism that ensured a Conservative government so often in the past, and it is this pragmatism that will ensure a Conservative return to government in the future"...

23-11-2002, 16:04:11
Yeah, keep it simple for the masses :clueless:.

*End Is Forever*
23-11-2002, 16:06:48
The guidelines I got said "aim to make it readable by non economics/politics types of people"...

Lazarus and the Gimp
23-11-2002, 19:23:36
Did they specify that it had to be credible?

*End Is Forever*
23-11-2002, 20:02:14

Totally Wired
24-11-2002, 20:59:10
Originally posted by *End Is Forever*
The guidelines I got said "aim to make it readable by non economics/politics types of people"...

you mean non-pretentious pricks.;)

...or just other pricks.:D