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King_Ghidra
31-10-2002, 12:02:16
I wrote this story for an Ultima Online short story competition at MarkeeDragon, so excuse me if some things in it are not explained fully. Anyway i'd appreciate comments (Although i'm quite happy with it so i won't be making any changes :)).

http://www.markeedragon.com/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=article&sid=1071&mode=thread&order=0&thold=0

Debaser
31-10-2002, 12:07:21
I just read it all, and I normally have the attention span of a gnat. I don't really know what your going on about most of the time, but it seems quite well written and flows nicely etc. Hang on, I'll try and think of something more constructive...

Check your PM's.

Funkodrom
31-10-2002, 12:10:29
Yeah... aside from not knowing the background it seemed pretty well written. Bit baffling for non UO players though. Good luck in the competition.

Main character called Austerlitz? :nervous:

Sean
31-10-2002, 12:15:10
Austerlitz had me really, really confused at first.

Debaser
31-10-2002, 12:18:05
At the start you make out that the guy doesn't like staying in inns, but by the end he has decided to treat himself to another night. Is this not slightly contradictory?

Is "thronging" even a word?

Funkodrom
31-10-2002, 12:18:43
I like it when characters names which aren't common English first names are really distinct, start with different letters, have different numbers of syllables etc.

Funkodrom
31-10-2002, 12:20:11
Originally posted by Debaser
At the start you make out that the guy doesn't like staying in inns, but by the end he has decided to treat himself to another night. Is this not slightly contradictory?

Is "thronging" even a word?

He makes out he's not used to staying in them because he normally lives rough in the forest I think, not that he doesn't like them.

Debaser
31-10-2002, 12:29:42
Yeah, fair enough, but the bit where it says, "As he pulled himself out of the soft bed, which was somewhat the worse for wear after being slept in by a fully clothed and rather dirty ranger, he shook his head and thought that the comforts of life were just not for him." doesn't really make that obvious. Or maybe it does and I'm just dumb.

Funkodrom
31-10-2002, 12:32:12
Know what you mean. But I saw it more that he didn't suit them rather than he didn't enjoy them.

King_Ghidra
31-10-2002, 12:53:03
Originally posted by Funkodrom
Know what you mean. But I saw it more that he didn't suit them rather than he didn't enjoy them.

yeah that is more what i meant, and the point at the end is that he is covered in shit and tired and the prospect of a nice room at the inn is like a lttle treat to himself after what he's been through (especially in comparison with the previous point about the life of the ranger not yielding the rewards of classic adventure, princesses, gold, etc.)
For him the Inn is the best reward he will get for all his hard work.

Lazarus and the Gimp
03-11-2002, 18:53:47
Is it a cross between an ostrich and a bastard?