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View Full Version : Hypothetical: Constructing a shit fence


loinburger
19-10-2002, 00:27:24
I've got a hypothetical dilemma that needs to be solved (it's for a test I'm taking): you need to construct a shit fence. Assume for the purposes of this dilemma that you have access to one midget (between 2 and 3 feet in height, 35 years of age, any gender you prefer, only speaks German) with a penchant for lederhosen, two oak beer casks (one filled with any type of beer with less than 8% alcohol content, the other filled with sewage), a quarry filled with eighteen quadripeligic murderers (2nd or 1st degree, it makes no difference), a small steam engine with a supply of trousers, and two bent aluminum forks (three tines or four, your choice). You have three hours in which to construct the shit fence. How do you do it? What other materials (within reason) would you use if they were available? If you had a choice of using either Leonardo (the ninja turtle) or Tamerlane as a construction assistant, who would you choose and why?

Caligastia
19-10-2002, 04:41:00
Thats a tough one.

Shining1
19-10-2002, 05:23:26
Okay, Leonardo.

Use him to dice up the murders, who are going to be the main source of fuel for the midget, who is going to provide most of the shit from which to construct the fence.

The midget should meanwhile drink a good amount of the sewage from the second oak cask, in order to get a severe bout of diahorria (we only have 3 hours after all here). Once he gets producing, cover each of trousers with the resulting product from the midget and quickly use the steam from the steam engine to dry each out.

For the first 'pole' in our fence, we stand three pairs of trousers to form a triangle and attached the bent forks in two of the corners for extra stability. Once that's set up, further pairs of 'trousers-in-shit' can be placed against that in an extending line and carefully let to dry in such a way that they will stick together and stay standing.

Meanwhile I'll drink the beer.

Sir Penguin
19-10-2002, 09:06:54
Can't argue with that.

SP

notyoueither
19-10-2002, 09:19:06
'scuse me.

Did Shiny think about that? Or was that a knee-jerk response from standing on his head all day and night?

The Mad Monk
19-10-2002, 10:19:38
Yes.

Chris
19-10-2002, 10:20:48
Long, boring posts, can't be bothered to read them.

loinburger
19-10-2002, 14:32:10
Originally posted by Shining1
Meanwhile I'll drink the beer.
Good idea, but it might be wise to piss on the midget to motivate him/her. Nothing gets the old poopage pipes flowing like some good beery piss.

Funkodrom
20-10-2002, 09:50:48
I can argue with that. You can't dry something out with steam.

Sir Penguin
20-10-2002, 12:15:48
Isn't that how nuclear dryers work?

SP

Mr. Bas
20-10-2002, 12:19:05
What kind of test are you taking? :hmm:

loinburger
20-10-2002, 15:16:27
It's my entrance exam into MIT. We're given a set of engineering problems, and need to present a viable solution to each of them. The rest of the hypotheticals turned out to be fairly easy ("Fashion a buttplug using paperclips and a toaster" and "Make a telephone (capable of being patched into the school's phone network) out of lamb intestines, milk, two tape cassettes, a Samurai sword, fifteen cinderblocks, and a pound of crushed glass"), but this last one had me stumped.

Funkmaster Felch
20-10-2002, 22:27:42
Whoa, cool. I have no idea what you would do. Beer shit is generally less usable as a building material. Shiny had a good idea though!:)