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View Full Version : Fuck it. I'm doing it


Venom
03-02-2015, 16:45:12
Friday is my last day at my current company.

I am going to throw caution to the wind and ask the super hot HR girl out. Awkward? Yes. Seeing as how we barely know each and she is way out of my league. But fuck it, I ain't coming back to this place, so who cares!?

jsorense
03-02-2015, 17:50:07
Do it! Do it!

Venom
03-02-2015, 18:44:56
It will be horrifically embarrassing when I get shot down, but I can just leave right after.

zmama
03-02-2015, 19:02:17
It's a plan!

mr_B
03-02-2015, 19:06:08
Fuck her:funko:

Beta1
03-02-2015, 19:25:23
yaaay either for going out with hot HR girl!

or

yaaay humiliation for Venom!

Venom
03-02-2015, 19:43:17
Everyone wins!

Qaj the Fuzzy Love Worm
03-02-2015, 19:45:37
It will be horrifically embarrassing when I get shot down, but I can just leave right after.

I did this once. And can confirm it was super awkward. And I got shot down hard. But I'd do it again in a second. Because the one time you don't get shot down makes it worth it :bounce:

Venom
03-02-2015, 20:14:21
Me on Friday afternoon:

http://www.veteranstoday.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Syrian_MIG_shot_down.jpg

MDA
03-02-2015, 21:48:04
Friday night:

http://www.muf.me.uk/files/london2005/sat35.jpg

Koshko
03-02-2015, 22:33:46
The problem with hot girls is that they have a reason to have standards.

Venom
03-02-2015, 22:36:30
You're counting on that 1 out of 5 chance they have self esteem issues or daddy issues.

jsorense
03-02-2015, 22:41:37
Go gettem tiger. :bounce:

Koshko
04-02-2015, 01:26:19
You're counting on that 1 out of 5 chance they have self esteem issues or daddy issues.

That's what I look for in women half my age.

MOBIUS
04-02-2015, 15:04:43
Did she have to do your exit interview?

Funko
04-02-2015, 16:45:04
You can earn the nickname F-16.

Venom
04-02-2015, 17:23:50
She did the exit interview last week, and it was quite friendly. We chatted for a bit afterwards, and it has given me inspiration. She's coming by to pick up my security badge and laptop and then I will STRIKE! And be struck down.

Venom
04-02-2015, 17:24:28
You can earn the nickname F-16.

Yes! Yes! I will be the Lawn Dart.

Fistandantilus
04-02-2015, 18:11:59
She's married isn't she? If so I would take Mr.G advice on the matter.

Venom
04-02-2015, 18:22:55
Not according to my information. Like me, she is a marriage failure.

jsorense
05-02-2015, 00:00:44
Well, is it lawn darts :violin: or angel wings? :heart:

The Mad Monk
05-02-2015, 01:58:36
It's...Wednesday.

jsorense
05-02-2015, 02:04:42
It's...Wednesday.

:o
I work weekends so my time sense is distorted.
:o

MoSe
05-02-2015, 07:15:58
She's married isn't she? If so I would take Mr.G advice on the matter.so surely it must be FIRST punch her on her left tit?

C.G.B. Spender
05-02-2015, 11:16:36
Offer her money. A lot of money.

Fistandantilus
05-02-2015, 13:40:22
Can we place bets?

Venom
05-02-2015, 14:04:03
Please do.

Venom
05-02-2015, 14:05:00
I currently set the odds at 5-1 for success. I'm betting 10 bucks against myself.

Venom
05-02-2015, 15:38:00
Actually, let's expand this. Feel free to add any additional prop bets.

Venom chickens out and doesn't ask: 1-1
Venom lawn darts into a mountain of failure: 1-5
Venom succeeds, but gets fake phone number: 5-1
Venom succeeds outright: 10-1
One of the involved parties cries: 1-2
One of the involved parties runs from the room in fear: 1-1

Funko
05-02-2015, 15:42:39
$10 on someone crying and $5 on the fake phone number please

I think I can win both those

Funko
05-02-2015, 15:43:51
Fake phone number would be a classic HR move. Be really nice and pretend to be your friend to your face then go and stab you in the back, it's basically their job description.

Venom
05-02-2015, 15:45:13
And for some incentive. Who ever wins the most money, has eternal bragging rights. Whoever loses the most money has to write me a poem telling me how pretty I am.

Funko
05-02-2015, 16:40:14
Roses are red, violets are blue,
Venom's enormous and smells like dog poo.

The Mad Monk
05-02-2015, 18:08:42
I had no idea you were such a romantic!

Qaj the Fuzzy Love Worm
05-02-2015, 19:11:14
Do you take Dogecoin?

I'd put money on: success, and crying.

Koshko
05-02-2015, 22:51:33
What are the odds of Venom being sprayed with mace?

MDA
05-02-2015, 22:54:33
Depends on whether he remembers the motor oil and cotton balls.

C.G.B. Spender
05-02-2015, 23:17:33
I'll give her a call and I'll warn her.

Venom
06-02-2015, 13:06:57
http://2nwl40151nra3yah86118nxtto0.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/gotime-445x296.jpg

zmama
06-02-2015, 14:30:22
bunnies good

The Mad Monk
06-02-2015, 15:16:28
FIRE BAD!

jsorense
06-02-2015, 15:18:55
Just don't bite her . . . . (wait for it) . . . . yet. :love:

Lurker
06-02-2015, 19:29:55
One of the parties laughs uncontrollably at apparent joke, then cries for multitude of reasons. 1-10.

Funko
06-02-2015, 19:37:00
Venom's interview made the news:http://abcnews.go.com/Business/viral-photo-captures-teen-helped-target-workers-ahead/story?id=28773764

zmama
06-02-2015, 21:07:34
At least he'll get Sundays off work.

MDA
06-02-2015, 22:44:38
serve me up some of that hate-chicken!

Venom
06-02-2015, 22:49:46
In a stunning turn of events....NONE of the bets paid off.

Turns out, she was a no show, though I suppose that could be construed as running in fear. The "chicken out" bet also doesn't pay out as with my last act, I went full unprofessional and did the only thing I could think of, sent her an e-mail asking her out.

Bets still in play, lawn dart, but that has been moved to 1-50. And outright success which has been moved to 100-1.

Qaj the Fuzzy Love Worm
06-02-2015, 22:56:20
The suspense, while not outright killing me, is shortening my lifespan by several seconds.

Venom
06-02-2015, 23:56:56
This is the only story I have to tell. Unless you want me to tell you about painting doors.

jsorense
07-02-2015, 06:39:19
"It's my party I'ii cry if I want to."

zmama
07-02-2015, 14:55:45
What color did you paint the doors?

Venom
07-02-2015, 19:12:35
Just a fresh coat of white paint. The people that lived here before me did not take very good care of...well, anything.

Koshko
07-02-2015, 21:48:01
In a stunning turn of events....NONE of the bets paid off.

Turns out, she was a no show, though I suppose that could be construed as running in fear. The "chicken out" bet also doesn't pay out as with my last act, I went full unprofessional and did the only thing I could think of, sent her an e-mail asking her out.

Bets still in play, lawn dart, but that has been moved to 1-50. And outright success which has been moved to 100-1.

There's truly nothing more romantic than asking out someone via the email.

Venom
07-02-2015, 22:45:15
Seriously. It was the worst, but it was the only option I had, and I couldn't just chicken out.

zmama
07-02-2015, 23:35:20
Texting would be worse. Email isn't that terrible.

jsorense
07-02-2015, 23:40:36
Texting would be worse. Email isn't that terrible.
So true. Since there is no way to accidently meet at work anymore. Of course, you might want to turn on the little editor in your brain before you write her. :coolgrin:

Koshko
08-02-2015, 04:56:47
Texting would still be better than showing up at her place.

MDA
08-02-2015, 18:15:57
When you see a red door, do you want to paint it black?

C.G.B. Spender
08-02-2015, 23:08:54
That's not the way to get married 3 times

jsorense
09-02-2015, 00:49:04
When you see a red door, do you want to paint it black?

[0-100 protection]
Black as night? Black as coal?

Fistandantilus
09-02-2015, 14:31:17
It seems the bookmakers think an email approach ha less chance to succeed than a direct one. I'm pretty sure she did reply, 5$ on that.

Qaj the Fuzzy Love Worm
09-02-2015, 17:59:56
Just a fresh coat of white paint. The people that lived here before me did not take very good care of...well, anything.

Sounds like my place back when I bought it. Admittedly it was ex rental, but then you don't really expect the previous occupant to have disassembled a motorcycle engine in the middle of the master bedroom. Well, at the time I didn't. Now I think of the stupidest thing someone could possibly do, add one, and I'm still surprised.

Venom
10-02-2015, 00:01:42
It seems the bookmakers think an email approach ha less chance to succeed than a direct one. I'm pretty sure she did reply, 5$ on that.

You would win. I have an e-mail from her.

I haven't had the guts to open it up yet, though.

Venom
10-02-2015, 00:02:43
Sounds like my place back when I bought it. Admittedly it was ex rental, but then you don't really expect the previous occupant to have disassembled a motorcycle engine in the middle of the master bedroom. Well, at the time I didn't. Now I think of the stupidest thing someone could possibly do, add one, and I'm still surprised.

This place was also rented, but only to one family I think. They fucked it up plenty though. No motorcycle engines though. That I've discovered at least.

jsorense
10-02-2015, 00:27:56
You would win. I have an e-mail from her.

I haven't had the guts to open it up yet, though.OK, forward it to me and I'll open it. :cute:

Venom
10-02-2015, 02:53:03
Alright....I read it.

And the verdict is.....

drum roll please.....

I have a date.

jsorense
10-02-2015, 03:03:46
Alright..

I have a date.Well, well, well, congratulations! :bounce::beer:
If you need any advice concerning your date do NOT post here.
:cool:

Venom
10-02-2015, 03:16:34
Sad part is, it's me we're talking about. Any advice I get is probably miles better than anything I'm thinking.

jsorense
10-02-2015, 03:33:14
There is no sadness here. Only excitement and hope? :heart::love::heart:

Koshko
10-02-2015, 04:50:00
There's plenty of sadness here. Venom isn't supposed to be happy. We needed him to fail for schadenfreude purposes.

Oerdin
10-02-2015, 05:06:28
Fuck her:funko:

That is the plan!

Oerdin
10-02-2015, 05:18:25
Sad part is, it's me we're talking about. Any advice I get is probably miles better than anything I'm thinking.

You act like an M-16 and a barrel of Big Mac secret sauce don't make for good date night ideas. :p

Anyway, congrats on getting her at a low point so that she said yes. ;)

Funko
10-02-2015, 09:33:58
Alright....I read it.

And the verdict is.....

drum roll please.....

I have a date.

:beer:

MoSe
10-02-2015, 14:11:58
http://lettersfromsunnybrook.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/Wanna-date.jpg

OK, but will you get the bacon too?

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRiQQHuaskJpUO2RHLIKrvguiNVpRscz A6GH3jeZbSUPvQqFlLU

Funko
10-02-2015, 14:25:26
I'll never eat a date unless Sallah Mohammed Faisel el-Kahir is in the room

zmama
10-02-2015, 15:04:40
Wear the pink shirt

jsorense
10-02-2015, 15:17:21
:lol:

C.G.B. Spender
10-02-2015, 16:11:40
Uh-oh! What a weirdo she is! Take care of your balls!

Fistandantilus
10-02-2015, 20:35:32
I knew it!
:beer:

Beta1
10-02-2015, 22:09:54
Yaaaay

(Surely there's got to be some sort of comedy ending to this story)

Most amusing possible ending suggestion - Turns out she used to post at 'poly.

C.G.B. Spender
10-02-2015, 23:03:23
or she's one of my ex-wifes!

C.G.B. Spender
10-02-2015, 23:03:49
#2 was working in HR btw

C.G.B. Spender
10-02-2015, 23:04:12
#1 lives in the US

Funko
10-02-2015, 23:14:37
So he has a date with two of your ex wives?

MDA
10-02-2015, 23:29:05
:beer: Be a gentleman for at least the first date.








:lol:

Venom
11-02-2015, 00:23:56
Is your ex-wife 29? She must've been 12 when you married her. How very European of you!

Koshko
11-02-2015, 01:23:15
Time to set up some new bets for this 'relationship':

1st date disaster: 2-1
Relationship lasts a month: 5-1
Relationship lasts a year: 100-1
Marriage: 10000000-1
Venom wakes up one day missing a kidney: 75-1
Murder-Suicide Pact: 80-1
She starts posting here: 100000000000000000000000000000-1

Venom
11-02-2015, 04:22:27
You need to make odds for:

Stood Up
Fine first date, no second date

Koshko
11-02-2015, 04:28:41
I say for the first date, you take her to see the 50 Shades of Grey movie.

Koshko
11-02-2015, 04:54:44
You need to make odds for:

Stood Up
Fine first date, no second date

Stood Up: 2-1
Fine first date, no second date: 10-1

I mean what are the odds of it going well?

C.G.B. Spender
11-02-2015, 09:30:45
It's cute you still believe women are honest about their age ...

mr_B
11-02-2015, 09:50:54
hail Venompje

MoSe
11-02-2015, 09:57:51
I'll never eat a date unless Sallah Mohammed Faisel el-Kahir is in the roomlol, had to google it! talk about bad dates :D
still, "eat a date"... you naughty boy

MoSe
11-02-2015, 10:06:27
It's cute you still believe women are honest about their age ...there's not consensus whether they're still in the age of pisces or already entered the age of aquarius

Funko
11-02-2015, 10:52:24
lol, had to google it! talk about bad dates :D
still, "eat a date"... you naughty boy

:beer:

MOBIUS
12-02-2015, 12:43:41
Belated :beer:

Take her out for a date on Saturday? :cute:

Um, probably a bad first date date, but best not tomorrow either. Sunday during the day walk in the park type thing, and then you can joke about why you didn't suggest Friday and Saturday?

Do you even have a date for your date with your date?

Good luck!

Venom
13-02-2015, 00:17:58
We have tentative plans for next week. Too much pressure this weekend. I have to call her tonight to figure out exactly what to do.

Qaj the Fuzzy Love Worm
13-02-2015, 22:57:23
Time to set up some new bets for this 'relationship':

1st date disaster: 2-1
Relationship lasts a month: 5-1
Relationship lasts a year: 100-1
Marriage: 10000000-1
Venom wakes up one day missing a kidney: 75-1
Murder-Suicide Pact: 80-1
She starts posting here: 100000000000000000000000000000-1

Kidney option looks attractive.

Venom
13-02-2015, 23:21:00
No answer when I called, but the phone number was correct. Unless she went way out of her way and put her voice on someone else's voice mail. If so, kudos for her for playing out the long con.

Qaj the Fuzzy Love Worm
14-02-2015, 02:08:43
That's commitment right there. Good marriage material.

mr_G
15-02-2015, 13:19:09
so who won the bet?

Venom
15-02-2015, 14:53:12
Fist is in the lead, but betting is still open.

mr_G
15-02-2015, 15:53:18
so no date yet?

Venom
15-02-2015, 16:09:08
not yet

Koshko
15-02-2015, 20:52:11
That's what happens when you give her additional time to think about the potential mistake.

Venom
17-02-2015, 03:41:19
Yeah, that's looking like the case. 2 calls, no answer, no call backs. I'm thinking of throwing in the towel at this point.

jsorense
17-02-2015, 05:48:47
She'll be back.

Funko
17-02-2015, 09:46:22
Yeah, that's looking like the case. 2 calls, no answer, no call backs. I'm thinking of throwing in the towel at this point.

:( Lots of legitimate reasons that could be the case though.

C.G.B. Spender
17-02-2015, 10:28:46
There's your HR stunt!

MOBIUS
17-02-2015, 11:43:34
:( Lots of legitimate reasons that could be the case though.

There are. Maybe drop a friendly email keeping the door open and leave it at that. No sense carrying on calling her as you'll quickly look stalkerish.

:(

mr_B
17-02-2015, 12:29:31
send a pic of your dick.
If she react then it's good, when she don't it's also good.
a win win
JJ a great helpertje

Venom
17-02-2015, 14:00:36
There are. Maybe drop a friendly email keeping the door open and leave it at that. No sense carrying on calling her as you'll quickly look stalkerish.

:(

So, email or one more phone call? I was thinking one last phone call so as not to be impersonal but an email would be easier. Either way the message would be the same, "hey call me sometime if you want" and then that would be it. Don't want to look desperate. I mean, I am but I dont want to look that way.

Fistandantilus
17-02-2015, 16:01:43
Three is the magic number.

A date will happen.

MOBIUS
17-02-2015, 16:48:54
So, email or one more phone call? I was thinking one last phone call so as not to be impersonal but an email would be easier. Either way the message would be the same, "hey call me sometime if you want" and then that would be it. Don't want to look desperate. I mean, I am but I dont want to look that way.

Well, it seems to me that you were initially successful via email. Also a phone call is encouraging her to call you back, and maybe that's a barrier as she knows she hasn't got back to you already and thinks you might be pissed off with her?

At least with the email, you're reining it back a bit and she could reply without directly talking to you and you can show you're still cool with her. Also it will sit there in her inbox looking at her and she will have to expressly delete it if she's OCD about a clean inbox... ;)

With a voicemail she can basically ignore it and it will magically go away after seven days.

That's my opinion, anyway...

MOBIUS
17-02-2015, 17:07:06
Also, my current relationship started with a week of emails - for example I didn't even speak to Lynsey until face to face on our first date. :)

Koshko
17-02-2015, 20:25:07
send a pic of your dick.
If she react then it's good, when she don't it's also good.
a win win
JJ a great helpertje

I was going to suggest this.

C.G.B. Spender
18-02-2015, 10:03:07
Post her phone number here. We will arrange someting for you.

Venom
18-02-2015, 13:53:35
Ok, so post a dick pic and give her your phone numbers. I can do that.

mr_B
18-02-2015, 18:11:28
Kewl

C.G.B. Spender
18-02-2015, 21:07:53
http://www.astronautix.com/graphics/w/wnixon.jpg

MDA
18-02-2015, 23:06:53
tricky

jsorense
18-02-2015, 23:34:10
That's a big dick alright. But it would definitely scare the HR gal. :eek:

Venom
19-02-2015, 15:59:40
So...all cards have been played with no result.

I declare failure. Which is familiar and comforting and warm. Everyone please collect your winnings.

mr_B
19-02-2015, 16:10:21
all cards?
so you did send a pic of your dick, that will teach her.

Funko
19-02-2015, 16:18:45
Yeah, everyone knows you wait to play that card until you are walking to your date.

Oerdin
19-02-2015, 17:20:26
Better luck next time, man.

Koshko
19-02-2015, 19:35:10
The beginning of this thread encouraged me to get off of my ass and find me a woman when the weather gets warmer. The end of the thread encouraged me to not bother and continue my path of dying alone.

Venom
19-02-2015, 23:28:53
Cosigned. You dig yourself into a deep dark hole, sonny. And you never come out.

MDA
22-02-2015, 22:33:31
She was looking to be swept off her feet on Valentine's Day, and you're more of a bullet to the brain guy. You're better off.