View Full Version : Reading Bluegrass Jamboree

07-03-2012, 09:10:19

ENGLAND Melvin Webb, 54, told Reading Crown Court he was not pleasuring himself in front of a female commuter, merely playing a pretend banjo. 54-year-old Mr Webb told officers he simply had a heavy cold, was pulling his underpants out of his groin because it was sore and was miming picking banjo cords on his knee. Mr Webb, who had a lower respiratory tract infection which he blamed for the heavy breathing, also submitted videos of him playing his banjo to the prosecution, which they accepted was genuine. The smartly-dressed woman, who cannot be named for legal reasons, said: I know what he was doing he was masturbating. I stopped at the time and asked myself is he really doing that? I clarified it in my head and I looked back again and I was sure what he was doing. Im sorry, but I know what a man looks like when he masturbates and he was pulling that face.I thought no way and looked over at him and my eyes carried on up. He was facing me, breathing heavily and snarling.

The day a man cant play an invisible banjo down his pants on public transportation to an attractive stranger without being confused with masturbating is a dark day for society. There was an explanation for everything the woman saw. Hands down his pants? Wedgie. Heavy panting and snarling face? Respiratory tract infection. Jerking off motion? The Devil Went Down To Georgia. BOOM. Case closed. Let Melvin Webb strum his invisable banjo in peace.

Plus, not really sure the woman was that upset over this. The kind of shit she has to be into for straight up saying in court I know what a man looks like when he masturbates and he was pulling that face should make her the kind of woman who can tolerate some old dude getting his rocks off to her on a train.

07-03-2012, 09:14:15
Wow that last sentence couldn't be more outrageously sexist if it was shown as a quote from a page 3 girl.

07-03-2012, 09:44:33
Yeah, its bad. The mail was worse though >.<

Dyl Ulenspiegel
07-03-2012, 10:07:31
So, playing his banjo...

Cheshire Cat
07-03-2012, 11:03:58
air-banjo banning?
all you need is showing some respect....


The smartly-dressed woman ... said: ‘I know what he was doing ... I’m sorry, but I know what a man looks like ...'
she had "more than a feeling"....


because she knows him!


08-03-2012, 17:09:06
He got off.

http://www.getreading.co.uk/news/s/2109725_imaginary_banjo_player_cleared_of_public_i ndecency

08-03-2012, 17:55:53
:lol: bah-dum, tish!

she didn't need another lover, all she wanted was the sax!

edit: the comments on that article are prime Reading material

09-03-2012, 00:41:36

might not be safe for work!

09-03-2012, 00:42:57
I know what a man looks like!