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paiktis
01-06-2011, 22:24:41
in agonizing pain from the frenulum (i'll take another depon for that), SO left for island for couple of days, back in mom's house (can't be alone, i'd only contemplate about pain, loniliness and mortality) and sober as is the case for many many weeks.

my life has been ok i guess. i decided to accept what i can't change and just try to make the best out of it. i kind of got away from friendships that i felt were fake and just kept the real ones or the ones that gave pleasure.

furnished the appartment, tried not to think of the bad neighboors or the ghetto like neighborhood.
girl-friend excited about the multiculturality of the whole thing which is nice lol

work is mind numbing as anything but it does provide a sense of security in troubled times. that's not how i used to think and i'm sure it will bit me in the arse in due time but for the moment there's nothing more one can do.

last weeks have been great because i took advantage of everything the public sector had to offer, that is much free time and i devoted most of it with the girl and had a blast and nirvana like happiness re-occuring at tactical intervals.
(which i think i'm paying back now since in guilt ridden christianity pleasure is somehow punishable at the end)

one thing i think i can say is that stability is not so fragile anymore, as it was before. things seem to quite down. i very much distanced myself from bad family matters from dad's side, not thinking about them really and i think there is a nice balance with mom.
i kind of switched and thought, i don't need to be an angry guy. i was, i had good manners, i dont need to be "bad" or anything. a return to the roots.

i try not to get myself in stressful situations and if i do i try not to lash out and it is really working. all of this happened automatically i think.
i just said, why think that way? why not think differently? why not try to change, little by little and just quit pushing myself and tormenting him.
so i'm polite, i am a lot more giving both to family and the girl and just try to find a balance.
i think the balance is now achieved but most importantly on much sounder legs.

(and then he jumps off the acropolis! haha not really)

Greg W
02-06-2011, 02:01:11
Good for you. Now the real test is to not slide back into the old ways if/when something bad happens. :beer:

paiktis
02-06-2011, 14:14:04
thanks : )
bad things have happened, i just dont have the urge to "recoil" to alcohol any more. it's simply gone : )

Greg W
02-06-2011, 14:39:38
Well, that's a good sign. Just don't weaken your resolve, cos I imagine the slide back would be easy. :)

paiktis
02-06-2011, 15:01:19
you're right. i always keep that in mind : )