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paiktis
03-02-2011, 22:56:57
I think I've found the solution to the drinking problem.
Once I visited a doctor, I seemed to have suffered an acute shock of generalized anxiety disorder. He gave me some drugs, I read the description, no way.
Better isolated in a corner and alive and with a mind that thinks than take these poisons.

But there are some very light antianxiety drugs called lexo-tanil. Half of greece takes them anyway now.

That doc told me something that made an impression. half a lex is like drinking a can of beer.

And another doc a long time ago told me that alcohol does loosen you and makes the stress go away but it comes with a steep price (besides health). alcohol also generates agrressiveness.

I had that problem of agressiveness. Rather verbal agressiveness. And argumentative agressiveness. Impulsiveness and impetience. All that comes from the alcohol, time to see clearly, that's the cause or effect or whatever.
But without alcohol, stress levels paralyze me.
OTOH I can't go on living my rest of my life like that, just drinking whenever I want to do something that's out of the routine. It's suicidal and I bet it's not a painless death.

So I have decided to swift for sometime to lex. They do loosen me but don't make my mind zombienumb like the only one time I took those other drugs and felt hugely suicidal, one of the most dreadful days of my life untill the effect wore off. (docs don't know everything i'm sure).
And they don't make me verbally aggresive.

pot is out of option the doc told me it can generate psychosis and given my generalized anxiety disorder of that time (that still visits me sometimes) i have a predispotition to develop nasty stuff if i smoke pot. well that's what he said anyway.

I don't think I have anything more but acute stress that manifests under certain situations. These situations are for the moment uncheangable. The only way to keep living and be functional (go to work and that's it maybe have a cup of coffee with a friend) while these situations hold is to stay still. Not move or the stress will come.
If I have to move I have to drink.

I will make a conscious effort to keep drinking to the absolut minimum and resort to lex to keep me in a less stress state.
Strangely there is no accumulative effect, I don't seem to develop a dependance (if dependenace is measured by taking more to have the same effect).
Maybe my mad writing skills will go, maybe i will not swooo girls so fast, but if those drugs can help me approach a sort of balance that alcohol completely messed up maybe it's worth a try.
I consider it a decision to keep living and maybe try and live good for a foreable future or simply drive faster to a painful suicide. But of pleasures I no longer crave so much as balance.
Wish me luck :mr_b:

Venom
04-02-2011, 01:40:00
2 sobering up threads in one day? CG is getting out of hand. Fucking puritans!

self biased
04-02-2011, 02:11:14
i'd be boozin it up right now, but my ex has all my money right now.

Greg W
06-02-2011, 08:52:51
And your balls?

Good on you Paiktis. Don't know what it's like in Greece, but in Australia, Doctors are only a general service. For something specific in terms of mental state of mind (stress, psychoses, depression, etc), you go to see either a psychologist or a psychiatrist.

The difference being that a psychologist just talks their way through your problems. Whereas a psychiatrist can talk to you for long enough to determine your problems and then proscribe drugs if necessary. So if those lex thingies don't work out, maybe you need to see a Psychiatrist? Just a thought anyway, and I do hope that your doctor's cure and analysis turn out to help a lot. :)

paiktis
06-02-2011, 10:55:15
Thanks Greg :)
It's the same in greece. The docs who told me those things were a psychologist and a psychiatrist. (which as a side note it literally means healer of the soul :D psyche = soul, iatros=doctor).
I am in the process of reclaiming things important to me that were lost. I can't do that with a foggy alcohol induced mind though.
The lexs do work for the time being.
The specialist docs are still there if need be. I just need that stability untill I reclaim what I lost.

Greg W
06-02-2011, 11:23:56
That sounds like a good positive step. Just realise that it may be a long process and that if you do have the odd lapse, don't let it get to you. Small steps at first. Don't take that as an excuse to make slips mind you. :D

Noisy
06-02-2011, 23:46:47
... and then proscribe drugs if necessary.

Sigh.

paiktis
07-02-2011, 00:09:02
Application to re-enter journalism sent today. Fingers crossed.
I have a very positive feeling about this. May I not be mistaken.

zmama
07-02-2011, 05:56:56
Sigh.

*pat pat* I'm sure English is his second language!

Greg W
07-02-2011, 06:32:13
Lol. I blame being tired. Prescribe even.

Cheshire Cat
07-02-2011, 12:08:42
Strangely there is no accumulative effect, I don't seem to develop a dependance (if dependenace is measured by taking more to have the same effect).

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drug_dependence
dependence is when you can't do without
(although I don't understand then that when you can't do without freedom you call it in-dependence...)

I'd have suggested "assuefaction", but I see that the correct definition is
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drug_tolerance
(if the opposite is in-tolerance, that doesn't sound that pleasant either...)

Cheshire Cat
07-02-2011, 12:11:14
*pat pat* I'm sure English is his second language!

LOL


but after all, it's all the same issue

to take -and- NOT to take
the doctor prescribed drugs and proscribed pot

Greg W
07-02-2011, 12:19:29
And there's a point, they could just as well prescribe certain drugs as proscribe others. :p

C.G.B. Spender
12-02-2011, 07:06:56
what a bunch of old ladies you are!

zmama
12-02-2011, 07:14:52
yes , yes I am :)

C.G.B. Spender
12-02-2011, 07:18:35
not you, of course

paiktis
14-02-2011, 22:24:44
Ok,. relapse #1.



i donm't know how to say it, everythionbg was going well.... then i drank two bottles of wine.
something to do with me getting pissed with a girl that's alsawas having to meet her girlfriends.


and no lexs. there are at the other house,
and i went into that website where one girtl flirtsd me the other wants to be with me and i layed it open.

amnyay. deep breaths.


goddammmn i need thouse lexs. will go to the doctor to presicrbe them to ne. sometimes it;s other those or alcohiol.


severyly drunk.


on valentine's day.

Greg W
14-02-2011, 23:23:35
Eventually you need to break that bond between having a bad day with a girl and drinking, but I think you know that. Maybe you need to find something that you can immerse yourself in that makes you forget the world for a while. So that when things go wrong, you can forget about whatever made you sad or angry and do something that makes you happy. Something that doesn't involve getting onto chat sites to talk with other girls. :)

Venom
15-02-2011, 15:09:40
Get hammered. It doesn't matter. You're Greek. No one will think less of you.

paiktis
19-02-2011, 10:00:40
Low expectations is always a comforting thought :)

paiktis
19-02-2011, 10:10:06
And as always thanks Greg. Simple words, to the point as always. I am not made to be "infidel", just something to take my mind away.
I won't erase that message either. to be there so I can see it.
And I know that the thing is not the girls the thing is stability overall. That girl is simply waiting for me. I've done stupid things, she forgave but I'm not full thrust forward as I was in the past. If I was I'd have her. But I'd like to form a real relationship this time, not that bang, panic, over. Did it before I can do it again. Although time passes but maybe that's a pacifying thing.
I know I come off as a crybaby or whatever. I'm not. It's the stress that does that.
Now that's it's weekend I feel relaxed.
And messing around with tons of girls is stressful. Just one. And to trust her (myself). That's the point I want.
I'm too proud in the wrong sinful way.
I also saw some pics of that old family friend, her brother showed them to me. (not on purpose they were family photos) and my heart sunk again but a tad less this time.

I'm still hangover over two girls. One that offered maximum sentimental security and was the most lasting relationship I had, and her that was the most intense physically. People give time to themselves to recover, I never do that.

paiktis
19-02-2011, 10:28:48
And I think there's another thing. In my REAL job people were like me. Early thirties, corporate but free thinking, the majority unnatached or in relationships that were, well not married.
In the current job everyone is married, they lack this free thinking spirit, they talk about mundane things, or about their wives and where they had their picnik and I feel completely like a fish out of the water.
In the previous job I belonged like a family, in the current I'm miles apart.
And jobs shouldn't dictate who you are. But when for a very long time now they constitute one of my basic if not the basic point of reference, you get into those sort of situations.
I've had a deconstructive evolution happening and now I try to reconstruct in a new reality (that I don't particulalry fancy).

Greg W
21-02-2011, 12:33:18
Stress, depression, anxiety and other mental illnesses, they can all cause you to do strange things and feel strange ways. Hell, I like to think I'm notionally rational, and yet last night while standing on the 4th floor balcony of a hotel room in Adelaide, I wondered what it would be like to just jump off and not have to worry about anything any more.

I'm not saying that I gave it much consideration (and certainly not serious consideration), but I had been feeling a bit down recently due to some problems with my hip/left leg and how it's all put my life on hold. At the end of the day, I think we all have strange thoughts and do odd things at times. Just how often they occur and how we act on them determines our level of sanity. ;)

And frankly, we spend (on average) probably 8 hours a day at work. Another 8 sleeping, a couple of hours (or more) doing chores, eating and so on. We spend more time at work than we do in any other situation where we interact with other people. So it's not much of a surprise that our personal lives are effected by our work lives. Especially if most people in your work environment are similar in their pastimes.

You just need to learn to separate work from your social life. Not saying that I know how to do that, especially in your case. But then again, maybe you need to take their simple happiness in their "mundane" lives. Not become like them, but learn to take happiness in simple things instead of a fast life of women, booze and everything else that goes with it.

I think that'd be a better form of happiness for you, though I don't pretend to think it'd be an easy transition. :)

Funko
21-02-2011, 12:44:57
Greg, if you are occasionally thinking about killing yourself, no matter how fleetingly, it's a clear sign of depression. Depression is such a weird illness, you can easily convince yourself you aren't depressed when you really are.

Greg W
21-02-2011, 13:38:17
Mike, I think of all sorts of strange things, don't you worry. But yeah, I probably am a little. My life is on hold right now and it's driving me nuts. I'll get there though.

Qaj the Fuzzy Love Worm
21-02-2011, 21:08:13
Greg, if you are occasionally thinking about killing yourself, no matter how fleetingly, it's a clear sign of depression. Depression is such a weird illness, you can easily convince yourself you aren't depressed when you really are.

Also, request a room on the ground floor.

No stranger to depression in this house - at least 3 people here suffer from it badly enough to take (or have taken) meds for it. For some it's circumstantial. For others, chemical. It could be indicative of a larger problem that needs correction through medication or therapy, and the depression is just a symptom of that.

Generally speaking to the audience and not one specific reader, if you're worried about it, talk to your GP or family doctor. Even if you're not, letting the doctor know on a regular check-up at least gets you onto someone's radar about it. Referrals can be made should the professionals think it's warranted.

zmama
21-02-2011, 21:22:09
Funko knows, do not dismiss his thoughts there. Go get some help

paiktis
21-02-2011, 22:02:06
That thought reminded me of a time when I had the urge to step on the gas and kind of crash the car into a u turn. I just felt, I don't know, pressured and a sense of futility.
I have regular thoughts about "ending it all" but I think it's no secret that I am in fact depressed.
I'd have said that Funko is overeacting here since these "ending it all" thoughts sound mundane and kind of ordinary for me but he is not depressed and can see with a clearer mind.
Also, maybe I am completely wrong here but Greg you seem to have your finger on my pulse, as we say, like 90% of the time... And while I hugely appreciate that you can understand me, maybe that means that some of our lines interconnect and I don't wish that to anybody very much right now....

paiktis
21-02-2011, 22:30:01
For the other thing about accepting their mundane joy, I will suffocate I can't do it. They look dead to me... Sorry if that seems arrogant. I'm not saying that generally for married people (hey Laz and Funko are kick ass for example!) but those at work really look brain dead to me... Again not wanting to sound anything, but I think I'd first die than be like them... I believe that.

Greg W
22-02-2011, 00:50:05
I also think that GPs and the like tend to overreact a lot to depression and similar illnesses these days. And don't get me wrong, I understand that you have been through or witnessed depression and know and understand a lot more about it than I do. And I do appreciate the feedback. But it's just me and part of who I am.

Yeah, I'm going through a bit of a rough time (and god, life's not that bad really), but it's nothing so bad that I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

But I have all sorts of weird thoughts go through my head. Some macabre, some bizarre, some just disturbing. Very few of them have anything at all to do with anything bad happening to me, they're all just what ifs. I put it down to an overactive imagination, pure and simple. I wasn't thinking "ooh, I could just jump off here, everything would be so much easier" I was more thinking "I wonder what it would be like, falling all that distance, what thoughts would go through your head, what you'd look like when you were found" and so on. And yes, briefly "and all my problems would be solved" but more in a wry afterthought type way.

If I actually even considered actually jumping or ending it in any other way, I'd be worried. This is just my overactive imagination linked to waaaaayyyyy too much boredom right now. A little depressed? Sure. But it's circumstantial based on my life right now. As soon as I started getting better and seeing improvement, things improved cos I can now have a goal and ways to achieve those goals.

I appreciate the thoughts (and the experience), but I don't want to go overanalysing one brief thought with depression that requires therapy or meds. God, if that were the case, 3/4 of the world would need to be put on meds just because they were having bad days/weeks.

As for my Greek friend, I was also told that I gave a friend of mine who was going through a hard time with his marriage the exact same advice that a psychologist gave him. I don't claim to be good at it, I sometimes think I just stumble upon what's right. But I seem to get it right a fair bit, so who knows? I don't see it as understanding the other person, more just I seem to be able to read into motives and thought processes. Somehow, I'm not sure how.

I couldn't begin to think I actually understood you or your state of mind. But I somehow just grasp things that are good for anyone and turn them around to suit you. Don't ask me how, I'm constantly waiting to be told that I got one completely wrong, lol.

As to their mundane joy... I'm not suggesting that you try and be like them per-se. Just learn to take some joy out of slightly more mundane things. It could be anything, hang gliding, boating, sports, driving through the countryside, anything that doesn't involve women (in a chasing the new one kinda way) or alcohol really. I'm not sure I am really describing that very well at all to be honest. Just I guess that finding joy in things other than chasing women or alcohol (or killing Pakis, lol) would be a good thing.

Funko
22-02-2011, 08:19:19
But it's just me and part of who I am.

That's what I thought, when I was depressed.

Then I got better, and realised it wasn't and in fact it was so much better without it.

You're saying loads of stuff that is similar to what I was thinking when I was very depressed. The whole "I might think about what it would be like to kill myself in great detail, but I don't really think I'll do it so I'm ok..." is an absolute classic symptom and incredibly common. That stuff went through my head almost word for word.

But it's tough to come to that realisation.

If you are thinking "but if I change this, and get better, I'll be a different person, and I like who I am now" you're wrong on several counts. When you are depressed you aren't yourself, you're a much less happy, much more irrational version of yourself.

Don't rule out getting some help, or even talking to someone. You'll be surprised how common depression is and how many people understand.

It may well be situational, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't treat it.

Anyway. :beer:

paiktis
22-02-2011, 08:34:30
Well yesterday I went out with a friend and we had a blast we went and listened to a superb percussion (like very high level) orchestra and then we went to another concert and listened to mozart and bethoven and generally had a blast analyzing all the things that have happened at north africa and greece.
It's not that I dont enjoy doing those things. But I miss the security of having someone there for me (and I don't mean my mother lol). Someone who waits or not waits lives but at the end of the day we would come together.

there was a big fallout at work that's why i say people there are vastly stupid, you can have a fallout with someone without shouting... i really think they are "less" as a i don't know general sum account number.
and my mind is at two girls but i respect them both and when something happens with one, the other will be friend. they are both just friends now with one a little bit more but we have a past. i think that also stresses me out a bit (=tendency for alcohol).
I don't get joy from my current work, really there is no work at all to do there. so you revert back to things like is my heart beating correctly? lol
creation is a very big motivation it kind of defies mortality you know? and i feel that this has been taken away from me.
anyway ramblings.

Greg W
22-02-2011, 08:39:47
Yeah, the problem with taking one little line and quoting it.

When I said it's a part of me and who I am, I was referring to thinking about weird things all the time. If I told someone all the weird stuff that goes through my head, they would think I was a nutcase. I wonder all the time what it's like to go through all sorts of stuff. In detail. It could be body piercings. Or Tattoos. Or paragliding. Or abseiling. Or having vertigo. Or having a bath in milk. Or being in a car accident. Or being a woman and having multiple orgasms. Or all sorts of weird, random shit.

Me thinking that at the time was just a brief thought that flitted through my head. Yes, as part of all those things I think, my situation comes into it as well, thus the mention of not having any more worries. I always think of how any of them would effect me (which gets disturbing when you think about women's orgasms).

Am I entirely happy right now? No, I am not. Was I happy 3 months ago? Yes. What causes me to not be happy? The fact that I am stuck here being bored out of my mind cos I can't do anything. Am I worried by that? Not really, no. If we were meant to be happy all the time, we'd all be on constant uppers.

I see what you mean about not being able to see it and being in denial, but that's a dodgy argument, cos by that argument, anyone who says they're not depressed must be.

And as a last thing, you said...The whole "I might think about what it would be like to kill myself in great detail, but I don't really think I'll do it so I'm ok..." is an absolute classic symptom and incredibly common. That stuff went through my head almost word for word.Firstly, I know for a fact I won't kill myself, not "I don't really think I will." Secondly, I just went through a process about thinking about it that I go through for everything. And I wasn't thinking about killing myself per-se, but about what would happen if I fell from there. Slightly different, I know, but it makes a difference to me.

Funko
22-02-2011, 09:04:13
I only quoted that little bit 'cause the whole post was too long. I was responding to all the stuff you said about yourself.

I didn't say anyone who denies they're depressed isn't depressed. What I means is one of the problems with depression is that it's very hard to tell you are depressed. Because it can distort your perceptions of reality so much.

So if someone denies being depressed, but seems to be exhibiting a lot of symptoms, you can't assume they are right, they might not know.

Anyway, all I'm saying is, a lot of the stuff you are saying is almost identical to thoughts I was having when I was very depressed. I didn't realise, and suffered for a lot longer than I needed to.

Hopefully you aren't that bad, but if you might be, and some help could make you feel better then I think I should say something, just in case.

Not trying to be accusative or antagonistic, just concerned about you. :beer:

Greg W
22-02-2011, 10:58:22
I know you were, and thank you, I do appreciate it. I just never should have said anything, cos it's all gotten twisted out of all proportion. All good though. :beer: