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self biased
01-06-2010, 18:15:12
firstly, i attended my first AA meeting yesterday.

secondly, i'm getting a divorce; my wife is leaving me for another man.

mr_B
01-06-2010, 18:32:26
dammit man, hard times for you
you will have my support

Lurker
01-06-2010, 19:16:32
Very sorry to hear about the wife. The first thing is not a bad thing at all. Helps you look and move forward, so best of luck with it.

Vincent
01-06-2010, 19:24:09
Divorce can be some tough shit. Good luck.

On the other hand: some idiots marry again and again ...

Dyl Ulenspiegel
01-06-2010, 19:28:14
Exactly. Look at Vinnie, and you'll feel better instantly.

Vincent
01-06-2010, 19:59:24
Hooray

zmama
01-06-2010, 20:08:08
AA meeting, goood!!!! yes good!

Wife leaving , sorry to hear : /
*hugs*

Dyl Ulenspiegel
01-06-2010, 20:09:42
Hooray

It works even for Vincent.

Beta1
01-06-2010, 20:12:48
ouch, tough times.

Is there an italics anonymous group as well?

devilmunchkin
01-06-2010, 22:35:51
oh no. oh no. this is bad.

MOBIUS
01-06-2010, 22:44:39
Sorry to hear about this. I guess the important thing is you're getting help for one thing, which should lead to the realisation that while things may look bad now - it's actually time for new opportunities...

self biased
02-06-2010, 00:11:42
thanks for the thoughts, guys. i've got a good support network in place, and i'm going to take advantage of it.

Koshko
02-06-2010, 00:49:12
sorry

Oerdin
02-06-2010, 02:38:33
SB, I'm sorry to hear that. Try to concentrate on yourself for a while and do something you've wanted to do but never got around to. AA is a great start but maybe you've always had a dream like hiking the Appalachian trail, running in a marathon, or writing a book or what not. Nothing like a crisis to help you refocus yourself on something you've always wanted to do.

Asher
02-06-2010, 03:16:30
Damn dude, that really sucks. But good for you on taking the steps on AA (I'd no idea this was an issue).

Hit me up on AIM next time you're on

Funko
02-06-2010, 08:05:29
Sorry to hear this SB. And like everyone said, at least you are taking positive steps. Good luck!

If you need cheering up you could check out the "Is there a video on how to meet women" thread on Poly. At least you aren't one of those guys.

mr_B
02-06-2010, 08:21:55
:beer:

Dyl Ulenspiegel
02-06-2010, 08:22:58
bad arschitect, bad

Dyl Ulenspiegel
02-06-2010, 08:23:32
Unless AA is ananymous architects.

MDA
02-06-2010, 12:22:50
...i've got a good support network in place, and i'm going to take advantage of it.

I hope you don't mean us! :lol:

In all seriousness, best of luck. Sounds like a pretty rough spot.

Tizzy
02-06-2010, 12:57:28
Sorry to hear that SB, I wish you all the best.

paiktis
02-06-2010, 14:44:17
I wish you courage and calm through these difficult times.

mr_B
02-06-2010, 16:36:57
bad arschitect, bad

jj I couldn't help it, I bet everyone else wanted to post that

good luck SB

King_Ghidra
02-06-2010, 18:14:01
Speaking as someone who is generally an uncompassionate bastard, but who has from time to time come here and poured his heart out when dark times have struck, let me say sorry to hear about your troubles and i hope things work out for you.

I don't have any practical advice other than keep your shit together and don't do any thing stupid.

Dyl Ulenspiegel
02-06-2010, 18:36:39
Exactly, don't do Mr_B.

Vincent
02-06-2010, 20:14:06
NEVER EVER pm me when you got problems.
PM King_Ghidra instead. If you sank THAT low, oh boy ...

MOBIUS
02-06-2010, 21:08:18
Sounds like we're just about to instigate a CG level of support ratings system...?

mr_B
02-06-2010, 21:10:03
I only support titties, i am a kinda bra

Japher
02-06-2010, 22:08:10
Sorry SB to hear about your troubles. You'll pull through, you're strong.

Sexaholic Annon. is after AA, is it not?

(can't wait for new hot or not threads... your loss is our gain)

Drekkus
03-06-2010, 07:57:35
Sorry to hear it SB. Sincerely hope you and your son get out of this in a better way.

self biased
03-06-2010, 12:32:02
i am not without my hand in this. I was the one who failed to listen to my wife when she asked me to things I was doing that were making her unhappy. for a while i ignored her pleas to better myself and remain the man she fell in love with. did i deserve to be cheated on? most likely not. but i have realize how poorly i've treated my wife over the last several months

Funko
03-06-2010, 12:44:26
I think it's a good sign that you seem so self aware about things.

Drekkus
03-06-2010, 12:52:04
You must have been a right bastard if she had enough of you in just a few months. Enough to make her cheat on you within that time frame...

self biased
03-06-2010, 13:11:58
it was more like a year or so. I shut myself off to my family for the most part because I was stressed out about money, and being the provider. If my wife hadn't found someone with whom she clicked with so readily, I might just be getting a garden variety divorce, rather than what I have now.

Cheshire Cat
03-06-2010, 13:15:39
firstly, i attended my first AA meeting yesterday.
secondly, i'm getting a divorce; my wife is leaving me for another man.


i am not without my hand in this. I was the one who failed to listen to my wife when she asked me to things I was doing that were making her unhappy. for a while i ignored her pleas to better myself and remain the man she fell in love with. did i deserve to be cheated on? most likely not. but i have realize how poorly i've treated my wife over the last several months

I think it's a good sign that you seem so self aware about things.

Since you already got this far on your own...
May I dare to ask:
has perchance "2. secondly" anything to do with "1. firstly" ?
or was it the other way round?

just helping you increase your awareness!
:)
I'm a callous uncompassionate cyinical basterd worse than KG, but fwiw I wish you can find new bearings and ways in the new world you got (yourself) plunged in.

When the next CG teetotal meeting?
:smoke:

BTW, this irony might console you:
I could easily control my alc consumption (and the occasional CG binge)
But in the recent years I had to drastically cut it down as collateral effect anyway, as I'm blowing up my liver with fat foods and obesity instead
what a dork, heh?
:bash:

self biased
03-06-2010, 13:17:24
you are a master of causality. of course my habitual drinking was a cause. i just wanted to lead with something positive.

Lazarus and the Gimp
03-06-2010, 18:25:36
Sorry to hear this. Stick with the AA stuff and get your head straightened out.

paiktis
03-06-2010, 19:54:55
Alcohol is a very sneaky bastard. I clearly remember when I got hooked up. It was when I had broken up with a girl. And then I was drinking (for the first time drinking alone) and she called me and I was able to completely turn around the situation and be with her again.
My mind worked faster, I was calm and yet full of energy, my inhibitions were gone...
Then this happened again and again so many times...

But with alcohol also comes another thing, in my case verbal aggresiveness.... With alcohol comes aggressiveness.
I don't know what to tell you because I'm still battling with this...
I hope AA are a good start and will help.

self biased
12-06-2010, 17:32:49
I haven't been to another meeting. I came to the realization that my drinking was just a part of a routine I had gotten myself into. In the pamphlet they had to determine one's dependence on alcohol, I answered two of the questions yes. Four was the threshold, reinforcing my perception that this isn't a life-altering problem, just a bad, bad habit of mine.

As to my impending divorce, there's really no animosity between myself, my wife, or her new boyfriend (god was it strange to type that). My wife and I still care a great deal about each other, and about our son. I am confident that we'll remain good friends, despite what the odds are against it. I am also confident that the other fellow and I will be friends again after all this blows over. Realistically, it's the only way that this is going to work for us.

jsorense
12-06-2010, 23:57:57
Well, s-b, I do not have a lot of sage advice for you despite my advanced age.
Alcohol, is not, in of itself, evil, imho. I really enjoy beers, ales, porters,wines and a few bourbons. But, the enjoyment is within the social and foodie context.
As for divorce: my wife was divorced from her first husband and it was a very traumatic time for her because of their children. However, she has always made a point to say that her second choice [me] made all of the difference in the world for her.
What I am trying to say is that your love life, family life, social life, is not over.
Good luck to you, dude, and do not use the bottle as a drug. It is one poisonous muthter if you are not vigilant.
j

Vincent
13-06-2010, 06:25:02
I'd say the her so called second chance is even more traumatic. Even for us it is ...

Greg W
13-06-2010, 06:32:51
Yeah, I think it just reinforced the chance that she should give up on finding someone good. :p

Sorry to hear that, SB. About all I can say is to learn from your mistakes. Try and come out a wiser person and don't repeat the same mistakes again. You will undoubtedly have some dark times ahead. Just remember the good things in your life, like your kid(s). And try to stay friends and not turn your kids into a tug of war with your ex. Not that I think you will, but so many parents do and it's so bad for the kids.

mr_B
13-06-2010, 07:55:01
blah blah blah blah ^^ what he said ^^ blah blah blah blah
enjoy / have a good time / party etc etc etc

MDA
14-06-2010, 11:49:52
I think you'd be well within your rights to be mad about the adultery thing. Not that I think you should act out over it, but betrayal is one of the big ones.

Be prepared for the mad part later when the shock fades and don't let it poison all the good things you still have.

I'm into justice and loyalty to the point of being an arrogant prick about it, so I might be projecting a little.

self biased
14-06-2010, 18:06:44
had a long, long face-to-face chat with the other fellow last night. The situation is so bizarre that it's difficult to relate to anyone else. He told me that he'd always felt that guilt and remorse were useless emotions... until now. He said that he couldn't apologize for falling for Heather and what happened was totally, completely unintentional. He apologized for betraying the considerable trust I had placed in him, apologized for the way things had happened.

I don't doubt his sincerity. Apparently the correspondence we've been having over the last two weeks has also been helping him through his own issues, and he thanked me for what insight I'd given him. I related a dream that I had to him. In it, I had invited someone who I was dating to a movie night at a friend's place, mentioning that it was at Heather's, and stating with such conviction that if she wasn't comfortable with me being good friends with my ex, she could go home.

I am truly starting to believe that everything will be working out for the best, instead of just hoping.

Lazarus and the Gimp
14-06-2010, 18:57:35
He told me that he'd always felt that guilt and remorse were useless emotions


A symptom of psychopathy.

paiktis
14-06-2010, 19:21:22
back in the ol days you could easily kill them both and be societally acceptable albeit a little frowned upon by the more sensitive types. but things have changed.
i have many tales to tell here through my wanderings around this world on the subject of adultery but it'd be a bit insensitive of me to threadjack like that.

self biased
14-06-2010, 21:52:01
A symptom of psychopathy.

the more important point is that he realized they weren't because of this.

Funko
15-06-2010, 07:59:57
I am truly starting to believe that everything will be working out for the best, instead of just hoping.

:beer:

self biased
22-06-2010, 03:28:01
Angry Chris reared his head yesterday, and he told me that I deserved better. I also found out that my wife had acquired a mare, and bred her without telling me. We have a foal now. The only reason i found out about it is that she left the registration for the foal out on the couch when it was my night. Grand total of not knowing about this: one year, three months and five days. Her excuse was that she thought I would have flipped out and said 'no.'

Meanwhile, in reality, I have never denied her anything that she has truly wanted.

Japher
22-06-2010, 22:32:27
I believe things happen for a reason. Roll with the punches man.

mr_B
22-06-2010, 23:14:49
wow this must be the first intelligent post from what's his name