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View Full Version : Should I meet my oldest half sister?


paiktis
21-06-2009, 15:46:55
too carried away sorry

paiktis
21-06-2009, 15:51:12
..

JM^3
21-06-2009, 16:36:30
How old is she?

JM

Lazarus and the Gimp
21-06-2009, 17:09:48
Yes, but don't shag her.

paiktis
21-06-2009, 19:13:01
...

paiktis
21-06-2009, 19:18:41
..

paiktis
21-06-2009, 19:19:59
..

paiktis
21-06-2009, 19:23:25
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paiktis
21-06-2009, 19:32:58
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paiktis
21-06-2009, 19:52:17
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Dyl Ulenspiegel
21-06-2009, 20:33:13
Well.... maybe it is a good idea not to meet your halfsister until you have come to terms with your father....

Sir Penguin
21-06-2009, 21:09:23
Yes, but don't shag her.
WTF kind of advice is that?

SP

Dyl Ulenspiegel
21-06-2009, 21:14:29
Good advice.

Oerdin
21-06-2009, 21:22:07
Especially for paiktis. ;)

JM^3
21-06-2009, 22:53:13
Paiktis, how often do you think about others instead of yourself?

JM

mr_B
21-06-2009, 23:41:48
Well.... maybe it is a good idea not to meet your halfsister until you have come to terms with your father....
i agree with Dyl

Greg W
22-06-2009, 03:25:46
Well.... maybe it is a good idea not to meet your halfsister until you have come to terms with your father....Or until he can separate his half sisters from his father in his mind.

The thing is Paiktis, you don't know what he has told them about you, and why they haven't wanted to meet you. Maybe it's because you haven't made the effort to meet them? Maybe after 23 years she is growing up and realising that she does indeed want to know her older brother? I don't know. But just be aware that they do not bear the sins of the father any more than you do. And punishing them because of who he is isn't fair on them.

JM^3
22-06-2009, 06:25:19
I often disagree with Greg, but he has some insight here.

JM

mr_B
22-06-2009, 07:55:26
She entered with the right of family of many children

what's that?

paiktis
22-06-2009, 22:15:37
That's the million dollar question.

It's a law designed for families who have 4 or more children.
It gives a wide array of rights to these children (as well as the parents who have them).

It's practically endless.

It offers almost free admittance to universities. (You don't have to go through the university entry exams).

It offers limited time in the army. (Much less than the regular time one has to serve).

It offers a competitive advantage to getting a secure job in the public sector (that's the one I used).

Then it offers all sort of stuff. You don't pay taxes for your car. You get home loan with ridicoulusly cheap interest rate. You get discounted tickets for mass transportation and a mirriad of other things.

It is designed to aleviate the financial burden that someone who has 4 or more children most probably has.

paiktis
22-06-2009, 22:22:22
So you see, it's very very practical.
That's the law my biological father refused to give me (but it wasn't his right to deny me) and which the state gave me anyway. But only though I went an emotional hell. I used to go down town to the municipality to get a "certificate of family" (it lists the children a person has) only to find that my biological father had erased me from the list. The state again came through for me. It is illegal to do that, to erase your own kid from that list.
And many other things which have happened these last years which were devastating emotionally.

And although I know I should be cool and calculative about it, I simply can't, untill now anyway.
Also my biological father didn't know (and at that time I didn't know either) that there is no way to change or challenge that law in any way in a court of law. Even through dis-inheritance, the law still applies.
I had to go through hell to establish that fact having all that time my biological father (just for the hell of it) threatening me with "moral assassination", law suits what have you.

Seeing as I only had seen him for 10 times in my life and I really wanted to get to know him, that was a brutal slap in the face.
And there was no reason to do that. I was never mean to him. Untill then.
Then I just flipped I became very self centered and very wild and I'm still struggling to refind my balance.

JM^3
22-06-2009, 23:47:30
Yeah, it sounds like your father (from this and many others) hasn't been fair to you.

I just don't think you should blame your sister for the sins of your father. Also, you shouldn't judge her for not doing more than you have done.

JM

mr_B
23-06-2009, 05:37:19
wow, Jon made sense

paiktis
23-06-2009, 20:55:08
I have done much more than they have done.
I tried to contact them. I tried to patch things up with my biological father.
What I got in return were threats.

Anyway I said that I will see her and I will tell my story. You know what my biological father replied to me? Are you threatening me? And he hang up.

If he's any indication, I doubt that she is different.

But even if she is,
I don't want to say anything about the right I've used. Not because they could do anything (it's impossible) but because he denied me and for me that means he denied me having any simblings. I said, if you say no to this right, it's you saying I don't have any brothers or sisters. So do you say yes or no? He said no.

He treats me like a thief. The very son he abandoned and never cared for. I don't want to have anything to do with people who think I'm a thief and put so much guilt on me and reject me.

And now what? They're going to say "we forgive you anyway?" (because we can't do anything to stop you anyway) and we want to see you?
Forgive me for what?
If it was up to you, you'd slit my throat open in a milisecond and never feel any remorse or guilt. (You already done it once anyway by abandoning me, twice by threatening me -my own father- with a lawsuit, three times by saying I'm imorral, four times by letting your wife say I have no dignity. How many more times will I sit there for you to stab me?)

I told my biological father you hold the keys to us being a family or not. Open the door. He didn't, I don't need to walk into that house anyway.

paiktis
23-06-2009, 20:59:30
The only thing that makes me question my decision is, if it's the best for me, psychologically.

If only he kept his story straight I'd know where to target. He keeps swifting like quick sand.

He told me I'm immoral and his wife said I have no dignity(!!!)
The same people that never cared if I lived or die!!!

Then after I gave him a piece of mind, he said, right go ahead and use that right, I got the ok from my children (like it was up to them anyway - what an insult!)

Then I call him and he reverts back and says don't use it.

Then he says use it.

Then don't use it.


well
I say, use it or lose it.

Too much gray matter already went into that ridiculous toxic situation anyway.

There's only one thing that hurts me and that is that I feel rejected.

I feel like no matter how fucked up they might be, they were solid in their demented way of life. No matter the alcholism, the hysterical dementia, they were still one father, one mother caring for their children.

I had to tear my flesh out all these years.

Well now that I come to think about it, maybe it was better for me that way.

I still don't have a father though. I guess it was the price to pay for growing up in tranquility.

Anyway, if my sister calls I'll answer and I'll meet her. And if she doesn't, I'll do it. I have nothing to fear. I just wouldn't want that to be another emotional vortex. God knows I went through a lot.
Do you remember in minority report where the guy working in the archives said to tom cruise, don't go stirring up the past boss. Only dirt will come out of it? Maybe it's best to leave the dead rest. They were dead so many years anyway...
Blood means nothing.

Greg W
24-06-2009, 03:00:04
I guess all I am trying to say is give her a chance. Maybe she is just as screwed up as your father, but maybe, just maybe, her opinion of you has been warped by your father (and her mother) and it's taken her this long to grow up enough to realise that maybe they're wrong and that maybe meeting you would be a good thing.

It's very hard to tell from half the world away, but don't lump her in with your father.wow, Jon made senseOf course, he was agreeing with me. :D

C.G.B. Spender
24-06-2009, 17:00:50
...

Lazarus and the Gimp
24-06-2009, 19:15:06
Marvel as Vinnie responds letter-by-letter, in Morse code. Very slowly.

Japher
24-06-2009, 19:17:36
linear haiku
very clever
must vomit now

paiktis
26-06-2009, 18:12:41
I want to wait a little bit, just untill I have entered officialy the public sector. I wouldn't want her to tell him where I'm going so he will not (he or his wife) cause any problems. After I have entered then I would be much more open to them.

I suppose it makes sense not from a realist point of view so much but from a sentimental point of view.


I tell you I have something like post traumatic disorder from this story....

I wanted so much to see him and then he threatens with a law suit.

My foundations were shattered...

All logical thinking dissapeared.

Minor things make me so much more afraid.

It's hell.

SOmetimes I want to dissolve into something minor I watch things pass when I'm on the train, I would like to be a miniscule person and live on a small clearing in the greass or a miniscule house somewhere where nobody can threaten me.

The sensations are much more stronger than logic in this one.

I want to enter the public sector first. Then I can meet them all.

I have this sense of impending doom. It's much stronger now.

I go against his will. Legally I have every right. Emotionally I feel I'm doing something terrible which will bring on my own self destruction. An anahillation so grand it would be of biblical proportions an armaggedon coming my way.

Then I tell myself to calm down. I just push my carcass in the right direction.

I'll always have these feelings untill I will be able to sort them out. Let's be in a secure job let us make the proper move, the sound decision agir au jurd'hui pour mieux preparer demain.

Then I can eat my own flesh in a much more security.

I feel I'm flipping out again because I go against his will and my family (because they are very afraid people) have transmitted me this sense of danger against him.

It's all a big black maze. All I need is some tranquility. The coast is near, just a few more steady paces and I'm on the other side. It;s very near now.

paiktis
26-06-2009, 18:15:15
I know I must snap out of it.
I will. Emotionls are a bitch.
But the only other solution is to close them down, but then you become a machine.

paiktis
26-06-2009, 18:15:47
Or a balance between two things.
Not taking everything so seriously.

Greg W
27-06-2009, 03:16:44
Sorting out that emotional distress you feel, the bit where logic tells you to do one thing, but your emotions override that and make you feel threatened... That's the bit where you need professional help to sort out. And it's not going to be a short term process, but find a good psychologist that you can work with and you feel makes some difference to you and they'll be able to help you. Otherwise I am worried that these feelings will never end, that any time something starts to go wrong in your life, all this will come rushing back.

paiktis
27-06-2009, 04:19:25
It's exactly like you said Greg.
It's when something goes wrong in my life that these feelings get back and overwelm me. And in life not everything is going to turn out right. Most times than not, it's the opposite. That's exactly when I feel I have no backing, no support and it's a free fall after that.
Dammit, I went to a shrink I don't know if it makes it better or worse. My life IS advancing I'll say that but the pain is almost too much at times. And it's always retreats. One step forward another backwards.

Don't know what I'm going to do. Anyway I feel like sometimes it's the "stockholm syndrome" too but that's another story.

Anyway the girl from work started calling again and I caved in to the pressure and although she is very beautiful she lacks affection. SHe's as cold as a brussels wind. And my mind goes back to my previous girlfriend which was as pretty if not more and the love and care and support she used to give me.
And I know I've used her as a helping walking stick many times, but somehow she always was there for me. And she said she never loved before me and now I compare those lack of emotions from the girl from work with my previous girlfriend and I..
I just walked out the door.

When I sleep (to sleep) I need to be held. That girl wouldn't do that, for whatever reason, really I don't care.
I'm not going to be the psychotherapist of anyone.
My mind goes back to the past. And the present is too suffocating to go with being with someone and in the same time not being with someone.
So I'll go it ALONE. Like always.
THe resolution is near.

Greg W
27-06-2009, 16:46:07
As i said, you need to find a good shrink. And that means one that seems to help you, one that you get along well with, not just one that's got more qualifications than anyone else.

And more than anything, don't feel guilty about it. We all go through shit in our lives, and the modern world throws so much at us that we're not always equipped to deal with it properly. And when family and relationships come into it, it's more complicated because it's hard to be objective or logical and not be emotional.

Maybe look for a shrink who specialises in family/relationship issues...

Just a thought anyway.

paiktis
30-06-2009, 23:06:09
Sent a message to him saying to give my number to my half sister and if she wants to meet me I'm here. Also told him to not bother him calling me.
I only took the liberty of saying for her to sent me a message first so I know it's her. I would like to know that the number I'll see on my mobile phone screen and answer is the sister I haven't met for 23 years.

paiktis
30-06-2009, 23:07:32
Or rather 22 years. I've seen her once when she was a little shit and she kept callling me little guerilla (which was cute).

Greg W
01-07-2009, 02:39:06
Well, if you do meet her or talk to her, use that phrase somewhere. If you answer the phone just say something like "Hey, it's your little gorilla here" or something.

VetLegion
06-07-2009, 23:59:51
That's the million dollar question.

It's a law designed for families who have 4 or more children.
It gives a wide array of rights to these children (as well as the parents who have them).

It's practically endless.

It offers almost free admittance to universities. (You don't have to go through the university entry exams).

It offers limited time in the army. (Much less than the regular time one has to serve).

It offers a competitive advantage to getting a secure job in the public sector (that's the one I used).

Then it offers all sort of stuff. You don't pay taxes for your car. You get home loan with ridicoulusly cheap interest rate. You get discounted tickets for mass transportation and a mirriad of other things.

It is designed to aleviate the financial burden that someone who has 4 or more children most probably has.

Good to see Albanians in Greece are being taken care of :beer:

King_Ghidra
07-07-2009, 08:28:27
"Hey, it's your little gorilla here"

:lol:

Funko
07-07-2009, 08:44:35
Sounds like Greg's ignoring Laz's advice

Yes, but don't shag her.