View Full Version : wd The Daily Mash

Cort Haus
26-01-2009, 22:03:34


THESE recommended daily limits on alcohol the government has come up with are really not doing it for us, drinkers said last night.

Beer and wine enthusiasts across the UK stressed that while three to four units may sound reasonable, it's obviously not going to get you trousered, even if you're a lady.

They are now calling on the government to rethink its guidelines or better still just leave them alone and go and bother fat people instead.

'Piss off!'

Tom Logan, a trainee solicitor from Northampton, said: "It seems to me that they may have confused a safe daily limit with what I like to call 'lunch'."

He added: "Of an evening I like to smash through the limit with a convivial pint or two after work, before I then jump up and down on the limit and set fire to it with a nice bottle of Pinot Grigio.
"I manage to do all this without bothering anyone else. The worst that happens is an occasional tendency to fall asleep and urinate all over the sofa, but, and I'm sure we're all agreed, that's my problem."

Emma Bishop, a marketing executive from Twickenham, added: "How's about this? As an adult, I think a reasonable daily limit is me drinking as much as I fucking want.

"If it affects my work I'll get sacked. If it affects my relationships I'll be all lonely and sad.

"And as for my health, following a quick glance at my tax bill I've decided that the NHS will treat me and the government can keep its fucking opinions to itself."

Lurker the Second
27-01-2009, 01:01:47
Northampton and Twickenham are sucky names for towns.

As for the rest, well duh.

self biased
27-01-2009, 01:51:28
i strangely agree with the sentiments provided.

27-01-2009, 08:51:59
How are you supposed to make 3 or 4 units last 24 hours? The government is sending such mixed messages.

27-01-2009, 11:57:26
...and you can't swallow more than a couple of those before you reach your limit.