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protein
10-06-2008, 16:26:45
this is a letter to us from a concerned fan who knows the truth about our record company. this is a short excerpt because the letter is sixty one thousand characters long. yes, he is absolutely fruitloop.

STRICTLY PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL.

Dear Does It Offend You, Yeah?,

The World is NOT as it seems!

There is an officially acknowledged international crime ring known as The World's Worst Organized Crime Ring. And, The World's Worst Organized Crime Ring is also known as things such as The World's Worst Murder Ring and The World's Worst Pedophile Ring.

The organizer/ringleader of The World's Worst Organized Crime Ring is a Mr. Harold Branson alias 'Mr. Richard Branson' of Hull, Yorkshire, England that is fraudulently practising as the combined Chairman and Chief Executive Officer of the Virgin group of companies despite having served a suspected twenty-one terms in prison (eleven short, ten very short?) between countries including England, U. S. A. and Germany for this, that fraudulently claims to have founded the Virgin group of companies in England despite having served a suspected eight terms in prison (five short, three very short?) between countries including England, U. S. A. , Germany and Japan for this and that fraudulently claims to be of Blackheath, London, England. Mr. Harold Branson alias 'Mr. Richard Branson' is also the World's worst murderer. Mr. Harold Branson's alias 'Mr. Richard Branson's' true lifetime's income is accurately GBP381. 76 (August 1995, Ernst Young accountancy company) and this officially ranks him as the poorest man in the World (he is a very serious fraudster).

Criminal offending is knowingly doing wrong (from innate cerebro neuro matter). Civil offending is unknowingly doing wrong.

Herein Harold Branson = Mr. Harold Branson alias 'Mr. Richard Branson' and vice versa.

* of The World's Worst Organized Crime Ring

The 2nd member* is a Mr. William Carson alias 'Mr. Tony Blair' of Newcastle, Tyne and Wear, England that from May 1997 to June 2007 fraudulently practised as the British Government Prime Minister, that is fraudulently practising as a United Nations Middle East envoy and that fraudulently claims to be of Edinburgh, Midlothian, Scotland. Mr. William Carson alias 'Mr. Tony Blair' is also the most evil man in the World.

The 3rd member* is a Ms. Ann Branson alias 'Queen Elizabeth II' of Hull, Yorkshire, England that is fraudulently practising as the British Government Head of State and that fraudulently claims to be of Mayfair, London, England. Note: Ms. Ann Branson alias 'Queen Elizabeth II' is the true mother of Harold Branson. Ms. Ann Branson alias 'Queen Elizabeth II' is also the most evil woman in the World.

The 8th member* is a Mr. Harold Branson alias 'Prince Philip' of Hull, Yorkshire, England that is fraudulently practising as a member of the fake Royal family of England and fraudulently claims to be of Mon Repos, Corfu, Greece. Note: Mr. Harold Branson alias 'Prince Philip' is the true father of Harold Branson.

The 12th member* is a Mr. Jeffrey Harris alias 'Mr. John Prescott' of Hull, Yorkshire, England that is fraudulently practising as the Labour political party British Government Deputy Prime Minister and that fraudulently claims to be of Prestatyn, Denbighshire, Wales.

The 18th member* is a Mr. Dennis Norris alias 'Mr. George Walker Bush' of England that is fraudulently practising as the President of the U. S. A. with a fake accent, fake identification documents, fake credentials, a fake history et cetera and that fraudulently claims to be of the U. S. A.

The 23rd member* is a Ms. Sandra Harris alias 'Ms. Joan Branson' of Scotland (?) that is a serious financial fraudster, that is a serious real estate thief and that is the fake wife of Mr. Harold Branson alias 'Mr. Richard Branson'.

The 26th member* is a Mr. Stephen Harris alias 'Mr. Jack Straw' of Barnsley, Yorkshire, England that is fraudulently practising as the Labour political party Justice Minister/Lord Chancellor and that fraudulently claims to be of Buckhurst Hill, Essex, England.

The 63rd member* is a Ms. Sandra Harris alias 'Ms. Eve Branson' of England that fraudulently claims to be Harold Branson's mother.

The 66th member* is a Mr. Walter Harris alias 'Ms. Edward Branson' of England that fraudulently claims to be Harold Branson's father.

Lazarus and the Gimp
10-06-2008, 16:39:18
Do you mind if I borrow that for a conspiracy theory forum I sometimes use?

protein
10-06-2008, 16:44:22
there's loads more where that came from...

protein
10-06-2008, 16:48:43
he fails to realise that branson doesn't have anything to do with virgin records.

Oerdin
10-06-2008, 17:07:04
Sounds like run of the mill conspiracy nut stuff.

protein
10-06-2008, 17:18:53
it goes on for several pages and then takes a weird twist as the author claims to be the world's wealthiest human and to have started the ibiza dance movement in 1988. lists his famous dj friends and his importance.

he clearly took a large amount of ecstacy and lost it.

Debaser
10-06-2008, 17:55:16
If I was to start some sort of murder ring, and I had ambitions to make it the worlds worst murder ring, "The World's Worst Murder Ring" is probably just the sort of name I would pick.

Dyl Ulenspiegel
10-06-2008, 18:31:03
"Mr. Harold Branson alias 'Mr. Richard Branson' is also the World's worst murderer. Mr. Harold Branson's alias 'Mr. Richard Branson's' true lifetime's income is accurately GBP381. 76 (August 1995, Ernst Young accountancy company) and this officially ranks him as the poorest man in the World (he is a very serious fraudster)."

That's quite montypythonesque. Like from Upper Class Twit of the Year.

Drake Tungsten
10-06-2008, 20:04:51
A lot of the member of the World's Worst Organized Crime Ring seem to be from Hull. I think this adds credence to the story.

Drekkus
10-06-2008, 20:35:28
I must try them drugs someday..

But I would guess the World's worst crime ring would be in serious danger of getting caught by the police anytime soon.

Dyl Ulenspiegel
10-06-2008, 21:17:42
Not if it's the world's worst police force.

Greg W
11-06-2008, 02:10:02
Ah hah! If the Queen is the most evil person in the world, then this is proof, proof I tells you, that she did have lady Di killed! :bash:

Damn, does that mean we have to drop the Queen's birthday long weekend now? :cry:

Funko
11-06-2008, 07:50:14
I'd rather be in The World's Best Murder Ring.

That is just brilliant though.

Drekkus
11-06-2008, 08:00:16
You think Dennis Norris is related to Chuck Norris?

MDA
11-06-2008, 11:03:05
He IS Chuck Norris, alias Dennis Norris, World's best roundhouse kicker of heads, member of the World's best and least secret kicking club.

The third member is Tizzy, World's best kicker of dingdings.

The second member is unknown, but I think he kicked the bucket anyway.

Drekkus
11-06-2008, 11:15:42
But if Dennis Norris IS Chuck Norris, then Chuck Norris = George Walker Bush :eek:


I still find the phrase 'The world's worst murderer' hilarious. That's like Michael Palin in 'A fish called Wanda'.

Provost Harrison
11-06-2008, 11:53:12
A consipiracy theory based around Hull...now that I like :D

Drekkus
11-06-2008, 12:58:28
I'm not sure if I can handle the truth...

King_Ghidra
11-06-2008, 16:02:03
That is fucking brilliant.

MDA
12-06-2008, 12:12:24
Who, Drekkus or protein?

King_Ghidra
12-06-2008, 12:17:25
Drekkus is brilliantly brilliant, this is just fucking brilliant