View Full Version : Tolkien rip offs

11-01-2008, 11:12:18
how many of them can you spot


Even the Minath Tirith siege made of candies looks more compelling

11-01-2008, 20:45:14
Oh, the Dungeon Siege movie. The game was cool.

11-01-2008, 20:48:42
And Uwe Boll is the greatest director ever!!!

12-01-2008, 08:54:18
And Uwe Boll is the greatest director ever!!!

I would bet a million bucks you are being very sarcastic with this remark.

And if not, you are freakin nuts. :-P~~

Previewed this movie thursday night. It was horrendous. Half a star out of 4. And that's being generous. The half a star was for Jason Statham fighting, and even that wasn't up to his par.

12-01-2008, 13:14:33
Did none of these people realise they were going to be in a Uwe Boll film?

...and wot no Burt Reynolds? No one says to me "Medieval Fantasy Monarch" like Burt Reynolds.

13-01-2008, 09:43:59
A large group of the nerds I sometimes game with on saturday nights went to see this.

They liked it, they thought it was awesome that it had the same story as dungeon seige 1.


14-01-2008, 09:14:47
I said to Venom that when we start casting for our FunkoVenom movies we can't cast Jason Statham. Venom kinda likes him as an action star, but I think his name on the movie poster makes people think "SHIT! LOWBUDGET!" and they are normally right.

They'd be right about a FunkoVenom film too, but we have to con them.

14-01-2008, 12:51:44
At first we have to con. Soon they will love us and anxiously wait for the days when our films are released.

C.G.B. Spender
14-01-2008, 13:02:27
Next Boll film will be "Return of the son of Pong"

C.G.B. Spender
14-01-2008, 13:18:17

14-01-2008, 14:38:02
Worse than a high school production of Lord of the Rings and as incoherent as a Miss Teen USA contestant.
Matt Pais

If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then Uwe Boll just spent 126 minutes telling Peter Jackson how thin, talented and gorgeous he is.
Scott Weinberg

sounds about right

14-01-2008, 14:41:48
Once people respect our films, we could rescue Jason Statham's career. It's godlike power.

14-01-2008, 14:42:11
That's actually the worst rotten tomatoes percentage I've ever seen.

14-01-2008, 14:45:53
Look up One Missed Call. It had a 0 last time I saw it

C.G.B. Spender
14-01-2008, 14:46:04
I like the positive review best!!!

14-01-2008, 14:46:47
truly impressive, because when it gets that bad, some people like to say how great it is a movie sucks so much, it's ed wood quality, a must see camp pastiche, etc.

Except that here, everybody seems to say it's ed wood quality, but dead boring

C.G.B. Spender
14-01-2008, 14:50:29
While watching In the Name of the King I couldn’t help but think of Eragon, the last blatant Lord of the Rings knockoff wannabe to traipse across screens. Both movies lift items liberally from Peter Jackson’s masterpiece, but what surprised me about Dungeon Siege was how much more capably the whole thing is handled. Eragon, with its bigger budget and bigger fan backing came off as nothing more than a sad, derivative shadow of the greatness achieved by Jackson. In the Name of the King at least tries to mix a little originality in with all the LOTR robbery and surprisingly, with its much smaller budget, proves immensely more entertaining.

It stars Jason Statham as a farmer named Farmer, thrust into the middle of a battle between the forces of evil and a noble king when his family is attacked by a bunch of Krunks, who have absolutely nothing to do with urban dancing. Instead they’re basically a bunch of Orc wannabes, toss them in a pile with all the other things in the film lifted from Lord of the Rings (like spinning wide shots hovering over vast landscapes) and stop worrying about it.

For a farmer, Farmer is one hell of a fighter and he soon puts together a band of characters to help him run around killing Krunks. The movie turns into a grand, epic adventure loaded to the hilt with famous faces who normally wouldn’t belong in chain mail, but for some reason prove oddly interesting here. Burt Reynolds for instance, is the film’s titular king. He plays him as if they’ve just stuck a crown on his character from Evening Shade. It’s a weird performance, but every time he’s on camera the movie suddenly has this strange, impish glimmer.

The whole thing works that way, a movie which by all rights should be a disaster, but for some reason has this joyful little sparkle. It’s directed by infamous independent filmmaker and frequent video game adapter Uwe Boll, whose previous efforts have included such cinematic travesties as House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark, and BloodRayne. Here though his iniquities as a moviemaker are almost entirely overcome by the sheer joy he seems to be putting into what he’s doing. The plot is odd and the characters are often goofy, but the special effects are down to Earth and the battle scenes are well staged and free of the excessive CGI that plagues so many other movies.

I guess what I’m saying here is that In the Name of the King works in its own weird, inexplicable way. Sure Leelee Sobieski looks like she’s wandered accidentally into the wrong movie and yes, Ray Liotta seems a lot of the time as if he’s reading off cue cards; but Boll manages to hold this disaster in the making together by infusing it with unexpected energy and twinkle. He’s made an epic, of a sort, and if you see it with appropriately lowered expectations you might just walk out not hating it.

14-01-2008, 15:26:24
"if you have very low expectations, you might not totally hate it" is the only endorsement they'll be able to put on the film poster... that would be gutsy...

Mr. Bas
14-01-2008, 15:32:58
Here's a great story about how to deal with annoying online critics, Uwe Boll-style: fight them. (http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/14.12/ragingboll_pr.html)

14-01-2008, 15:34:41
They'll use something like:

"Fans looking to ridicule and laugh at the newest Boll adventure will be disappointed"

"In the Name of the King... near-brilliant"

C.G.B. Spender
14-01-2008, 15:38:50
The whole thing works. ... a movie which ... has this joyful little sparkle.

19-01-2008, 01:50:47
What the fuck was that idiot watching. What a shit for brains reviewer.

19-01-2008, 15:12:00
"In the Name of the King works"
"immensely... entertaining"
"a grand, epic adventure"
"loaded to the hilt with famous faces"
"The whole thing works"
"the battle scenes are well staged and free of the excessive CGI that plagues so many other movies."
"He’s made an epic"

It's a great review!

22-01-2008, 13:57:44
There's a Dragonlance animated movie out now too, which I haven't seen.