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View Full Version : The art of wiping one's arse thread...


Greg W
13-12-2007, 03:18:58
My girlfriend's sister brought up a good one on wiping one's posterior the other day, and it's a conversation I had with an ex once.

For those that do wipe their anus, do you reach between your legs to wipe, or reach behind your back to wipe (between/behind)?

Fuirther to that, we'll throw in the standing up/sitting down options (stand/sit)...

And just for something completely fifferent, do you scrunch or fold your toilet paper before wiping (fold/scrunch)?

Greg W
13-12-2007, 03:34:46
Now, the argument she used was that as guys, surely if we reach between our legs, we'd risk wiping poo on our balls as we wiped. Whereas for girls it was much easier. And thus guys should, by her reckoning always wipe from behind.

Which got me to thinking how we learn to wipe our arse. I guess we get it from our parents, who used to wipe it for us. And I imagine the "normal" way would be to basically bend over and browneye them, while they'd wipe it for you.

Which I guess would lead to the behind/stand series of options above?

And then there was a radio talkback a while ago about scrunching or folding. Scrunchers mostly stating that they prefer to scrunch for safety purposes - ake less chance of your hands or fingers copping a stray brownie. Whereas folders talked about the perfect level of control - you always knew how much paper was between your hand and said brownies.

Me, personally, I am a between - sit- fold person. Between, mainly cos an ex of mine (years ago now) ridiculed me for wiping behind. I honestly hadn't given it much thought until then, so I changed, and haven't looked back since (pardon the pun). As for the balls thing, you just pull them out of the way.

I am a sitter because... buggered if I know actually, just seems normal to me, despite what I said above about how we learn.

And a folder, mainly because I like to know just how much toilet tissue is between my hands and any brownies. Scrunching to me wastes too much paper, especially as you only get one wipe before discarding, whereas if you fold, you can refold and get a few wipes. And you can never be sure that there's enough paper protecting your hands.

WTMI? ;)

Venom
13-12-2007, 03:44:53
CG hits a new low!

Funko
13-12-2007, 08:47:27
I voted for the wrong option. Too early in the morning.

maroule
13-12-2007, 10:53:34
"For those that do wipe their anus"

what are the other options? the anus wipes itself clean? you shit on yourself until the added weight immobilizes you?

Oerdin
13-12-2007, 10:54:43
Remember ladies to always wipe front to back.

Oerdin
13-12-2007, 10:57:21
Originally posted by maroule
"For those that do wipe their anus"

what are the other options? the anus wipes itself clean? you shit on yourself until the added weight immobilizes you?

Maybe one of our resident frog posters uses a fancy ass water fountain. It would suck waiting for your crack to dry before pulling up your pants though. Alternatively we could return to our roots by running naked through the woods, crapping where ever, and pretending not to notice we all have poo stains on our behinds since we don't wipe.

MoSe
13-12-2007, 11:44:27
back in the XIX century, in rural backwater villages, especially in Sardinia, there was the habit of keeping a *common* cloth for wiping purposes, not disposable but left near the loo for successive users...
:shudder:
that cloth was called "the leopard", I guess you can easily figure why

I also recall there must be some literature about which are the best kind of leaves to pick, when you have to do it in the woods

___


personally, I've always been a behind/sit/fold wiper, and it never occurred to me to do it otherwise

whenever I could/felt-the-need to recur to the use of a bidet for further and thorough cleansing, I reached between when I was young and slim.
Now the protruding belly hinders me to reach that far from the front, so I switched to behind access also when sitting on the bidet. Which bids tho for another survey: for those who use a bidet, do you sit on it face or back to the faucets?

:nervous:

protein
13-12-2007, 12:22:07
those robot toilets in japan are the best. have a poo on a heated seat and then have your arse robotically cleaned for you. just do a quick sitting scrunch between to dry and you're off.

Greg W
13-12-2007, 14:57:55
Originally posted by Oerdin
Maybe one of our resident frog posters uses a fancy ass water fountain.Exactly.

Greg W
13-12-2007, 15:05:31
Originally posted by Venom
CG hits a new low! CG can always go lower, you wait and see...

maroule
13-12-2007, 15:29:08
Originally posted by Oerdin
Maybe one of our resident frog posters

has there been any other frog poster is this god forsaken place but me??

Oerdin
13-12-2007, 15:32:56
We could always make an AE which is supposedly from France so you don't feel lonely. ;)

Tizzy
13-12-2007, 15:55:17
Turns out I picked the wrong option. Clearly I don't think about this enough.

Immortal Wombat
13-12-2007, 16:04:36
So how many people had to go and check?

maroule
13-12-2007, 16:08:35
Originally posted by Oerdin
We could always make an AE which is supposedly from France so you don't feel lonely. ;)

I picked this place because I specifically wanted to feel lonely. And clever.

Lazarus and the Gimp
13-12-2007, 21:29:45
What about those of us who are lapped clean by gazelles?

DaShi
14-12-2007, 05:00:54
Originally posted by Greg W
Now, the argument she used was that as guys, surely if we reach between our legs, we'd risk wiping poo on our balls as we wiped. Whereas for girls it was much easier. And thus guys should, by her reckoning always wipe from behind.

Which got me to thinking how we learn to wipe our arse. I guess we get it from our parents, who used to wipe it for us. And I imagine the "normal" way would be to basically bend over and browneye them, while they'd wipe it for you.

Which I guess would lead to the behind/stand series of options above?

And then there was a radio talkback a while ago about scrunching or folding. Scrunchers mostly stating that they prefer to scrunch for safety purposes - ake less chance of your hands or fingers copping a stray brownie. Whereas folders talked about the perfect level of control - you always knew how much paper was between your hand and said brownies.

Me, personally, I am a between - sit- fold person. Between, mainly cos an ex of mine (years ago now) ridiculed me for wiping behind. I honestly hadn't given it much thought until then, so I changed, and haven't looked back since (pardon the pun). As for the balls thing, you just pull them out of the way.

I am a sitter because... buggered if I know actually, just seems normal to me, despite what I said above about how we learn.

And a folder, mainly because I like to know just how much toilet tissue is between my hands and any brownies. Scrunching to me wastes too much paper, especially as you only get one wipe before discarding, whereas if you fold, you can refold and get a few wipes. And you can never be sure that there's enough paper protecting your hands.

WTMI? ;)

Wow, you've really put a lot of thought into this. :)

MoSe
14-12-2007, 09:01:01
he had plenty of time while sitting

Funko
14-12-2007, 09:01:18
We should get these results into a shitty pie chart.

MoSe
14-12-2007, 09:07:14
Originally posted by Immortal Wombat
So how many people had to go and check?

well, I declared behind as it was the only option other than between, which I never did

I actually paid attention to it at first chance, and I realised that "behind" is to be intended in a general way.

Literally from behind (180) would put too much strain on the shoulder articulation.
I realised I do it instead perfectly from the side (90)

I sighlty raise my right buttock, and insert the right hand under it exactly from the right side, easily reaching up to where needed with the least effort. With a lateral wrist movement, the wiping is then done from front to back.

Ergonomic.

maroule
14-12-2007, 09:38:07
strangely nobody asked; how many wipes?
Only one wipe is glorious, happens very rarely, it's this rarest of occurence, the clean shit who doesn't get stuck in the slightest in the arse hair

Funko
14-12-2007, 09:39:32
Eat more fibre.

Greg W
14-12-2007, 13:30:28
Originally posted by DaShi
Wow, you've really put a lot of thought into this. :) Shit for brains. :D

Provost Harrison
18-12-2007, 00:04:37
I usually use the power shower as well to have a good wash up there - I never feel quite clean enough with just using toilet paper alone, although I only get this option at home...

protein
18-12-2007, 00:19:44
Originally posted by maroule
strangely nobody asked; how many wipes?
Only one wipe is glorious, happens very rarely, it's this rarest of occurence, the clean shit who doesn't get stuck in the slightest in the arse hair

the opposite is of course the never-ending wipe. it's like there's a brown fudgy crayon hiding in your arse.