View Full Version : Bad Sex Award 2007

27-11-2007, 13:00:12
From the Guardian, the shortlisted passages:


Absolutely horrifying.

27-11-2007, 13:07:53
Wow. All very worthy contenders.

27-11-2007, 13:16:36
Oh. My. God.
Some of that is truly appalling.

Immortal Wombat
27-11-2007, 13:54:00

Also, I'm sure it's not coincidence that all but one of them are written in the first person.

27-11-2007, 14:07:55
That could be the highest (lowest) quality shortlist I've ever seen for this award.

27-11-2007, 21:56:42
From Boy Meets Girl by Ali Smith (Canongate)

Her hand opened me. Then her hand became a wing. Then everything about me became a wing, a single wing, and she was the other wing, we were a bird. We were a bird that could sing Mozart. Her beautiful head was down at my breast, she caught me between her teeth just once, she put the nip into nipple like the cub of a fox would.

Was that her tongue? Was that what they meant when they said flames had tongues? I was hard all right, and then I was sinew, I was a snake, I changed stone to snake in three simple moves, stoke stake snake, then I was a tree whose branches were all budded knots, and what were those felty buds, were they antlers? were antlers really growing out of both of us? was my whole front furring over? and were we the same pelt? were our hands black shining hoofs? were we kicking? were we bitten? We were blades, were a knife that could cut through myth, were two knives thrown by a magician, were arrows fired by a god, we hit heart, we hit home, we were the tail of a fish were the reek of a cat were the beak of a bird were the feather that mastered gravity were high above every landscape then down deep in the purple haze of the heather were roamin in a gloamin in a brash unending Scottish piece of perfect jigging reeling reel can we really keep this up?

That is fucking brilliant.