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King_Ghidra
23-09-2007, 17:57:39
So about three weeks ago my girlfriend and i split up. That was shortly after our 6-year anniversary.

I'm ok about that. It wasn't the same any more and we always had our differences anyway. What makes it hard is because we were thinking about starting a family next year and now i find myself 32 and single and just about everyone else in the universe is in a relationship.

Anyway I don't want to move out or sell the house so i'm buying her out of the mortgage. I met with the building society a couple of weeks back and the numbers work out ok for me so that's going ahead.

Shell has moved out and is living with some friends of ours. I didn't speak to her much for a couple of weeks, but a few days ago we got together to discuss the mortgage situation. It was fine, friendly and amicable. Also I knew we had a birthday do coming up (last night) with our mutual friends and i wanted to make sure there would be no awkwardness and it all seemed cool.

So last night the night is fine, everyone's having fun, i speak to shell a bit and she is rather drunk but it's all fine and then when we go to the night club at some point in the evening i suddenly see her and one of our friends snogging on the dance floor. I'm not impressed, and our friends are all shocked and at a bit of a loss as to what to say. Shortly after that they leave the club together. I'm now fucking furious. Our friends are trying to calm me down and make sure i don't do something silly. Eventually i just went home.

I've been sitting here crying because i'm so frustrated and upset with her (hungover too doesn't help). I don't even really blame the guy, he is below her league and hasn't even been fucking laid in god knows how long. But why did she have to do it, for fuck's sake.

I know it's not technically my business any more, but christ, the fuck?! It was exactly what i was trying to avoid. Now the situation with her is going to be horrible and the situation with our group of friends is going to be fucking horrible. I already had to cancel playing football today because he would be there and i knew i would fucking break his legs. I really could have cared less if she'd fucked some random guy, but now i am going to have nothing but shit to deal with and i feel like i've got no one to talk to who isn't involved.

Man it fucking sucks.

I had such a good friday as well, two old uni friends came down for the night and we had a few drinks and a great chat and i felt really good about myself. Now i feel like shit.

I saw my sister in brussels last week and she was dropping hints that i should go over there to live and work. my uni mates were also making similar suggestions about looking to travel and maybe rent the house out. But Reading is my home for fuck's sake. Yet suddenly it just feels like things are going to be crap and uncomfortable and lonely here. Christ.

Beta1
23-09-2007, 18:13:30
Only one option - shag her sister!

mr_B
23-09-2007, 18:41:10
That was very low of her, break that guys legs anyway.
No need to feel bad about things other ppl did tho, speak with your mutual friends and not in a pity way.
and Beta's advice is a good one

Vincent
23-09-2007, 18:51:15
Sounds bad. I've been through a lot of chaos and terrible relationships myself.

The strange thing I learned is: No matter how bad things look like, eventually it will get worse. So a new disaster will replace the last one and the list of bad things happen to you will grow longer and longer.

I build my philosophy upon that experience. Things might get worse soon, so today is better than tomorrow. You could get seriously ill or lose your job tomorrow and so on. In good times you're always between two disasters! I'm grateful (dunno to whom, maybe this is the point where you need a higher being) for every cool day, carpe fuckin diem!

what's my current catastrophe? At the moment it seems that I lost all my money because of the divorce. Well, but I'm quite healthy, I had a great day, I'll be back at work, had a good lunch - that's what 99% of the people would call a dream of a life!

My parents and friends helped me a lot to get through my nightmarish times. There are also some things that helped me to stay sane, like music for example.

And with 32 you're not THAT old. I'm not married right now and I see a lot of people struggling with their marriages. Serves them right, suckers.

I think the bad thing about my life was always the smashed dreams, like being a good father with a working marriage and so on. Maybe the dream wasn't the right one then.

So drink another beer, jump through the apartment naked and turn on the country & western music. Your next girlfriend won't allow you to do so (speaking of the upcoming disaster)...

Kitsuki
23-09-2007, 21:37:11
Sorry to hear that buddy. :(

*End Is Forever*
23-09-2007, 23:03:49
Originally posted by King_Ghidra
now i find myself 32 and single and just about everyone else in the universe is in a relationship.

You know what, you could write almost exactly the same sentence at the end of a long-term relationship. The only thing that'll change is the number. A friend of mine said it at 21 - she's now in another relationship. I felt the same this year after my 2-and-a-half year relationship ended - I'm 24. I'll happily bet a pint that there are 35, 40 and 45 year-olds in exactly the same boat.

You're 32, you aren't damned to a life of eternal singledom. There's nothing I or anyone else on this forum can say to make you feel any less crappy, but everyone else in the world isn't in a relationship, and they won't be when you're happily in a new relationship and the next guy splits up with his girlfriend either.

DaShi
23-09-2007, 23:36:40
Life sucks and then you die. The bright side is that you have something to look forward to.

Oerdin
23-09-2007, 23:40:08
I hope being 32 and unmarried isn't the end of the world. I'm 31 and unmarried. :(

MOBIUS
24-09-2007, 00:32:35
Bottom line is that you both already decided to draw the line under your relationship. This act of hers doesn't change that - just makes her look like a mug in the eyes of your mutual friends.

If anything it serves as a final justification that you were right to break up in the first place. Perhaps she's hoping for a reaction, the best thing in my view would be to act as though nothing happened just to show that she no longer means anything to you anymore. At least so you can get through sorting the property out and avoiding any acrimonious fallout in that respect...

Anyway, I've been in 4 major relationships (i.e. living together), each time one has ended something better comes around the corner...

So enjoy your new found freedom!:beer:

Greg W
24-09-2007, 01:26:51
Ah, I wondered at the crying over spilt milk bit...

Mate, it's hard to say much really. We all handle these things differently, and it's hard to give advice. I do know that when I got divorced after 6 years of marriage and a total of 11 years together, I thought many similar thoughts.

I was 33 with no kids and not much chance of having any in a decent relationship anytime soon. It fucking hurts when you get to that point when you've been wanting them recently, it's a real kick in the guts. And you think things won't get better.

For some they do, for some they don't. About all I can say is what helped me along, which is somewhat similar to Vincent, but with a twist. And that was the realisation that in the end, I wasn't that bad off. Yes, my heart had been ripped out and stomped on a few times, but compared to a lot of people with things like Leukemia, or in my case, the disaster that Mr & Mrs Drekkus (sounds weird saying it like that) went through with the miscarriage, I realised that for me, things weren't so bad.

Yes, starting again sucks. You have to build up all that trust, the intimacy, the love, the shared dreams, the lot really. But it can be done, and as I said, it could be a hell of a lot worse. I know it may be hard to see at the time, it was for me, but things will improve.

Talking definately helps, I can't stress enough how important talking to someone about all that stuff is.

All the best with it, mate, and if you need someone to talk (well, email I guess) to, you know how to contact me.

Drekkus
24-09-2007, 08:00:20
KG, sorry to hear it. But like Vincent said, enjoy the time alone. I guess you're a healthy, handsome, funny and intelligent guy. So I'm sorry to inform you that you are in for a time full of casual sex, partying and what not. Until one of the girls stands out and stays along for the ride. And then you'll have a family sooner then you think.

C.G.B. Spender
24-09-2007, 08:32:46
and then you'll die

MoSe
24-09-2007, 10:03:05
Why don't you start screamin in the middel of the road:

"I PHIL FREEE!!!!"

;)

beware Reading, single KG on the loose!!!

;)
(please forgive me, I had written a sad and sensible post, but an unexpected popup made me mess and erase it before submitting, I took it as a wakeup call from fate!)

C.G.B. Spender
24-09-2007, 10:21:59
You're a crap poster anyway. As KG is ...

MoSe
24-09-2007, 10:29:02
Originally posted by Drekkus
I guess you're a healthy, handsome, funny and intelligent guy.

thus spake the :clueless: one

Chris
24-09-2007, 10:29:41
Want real advice?

Be the better person.

You are broken up, be happy she is happy and let it go, and don't leave your social circle.

You can sit there and cry in your beer, but remember, she doesn't seem phased by it. The best thing is to say the hell with it and move on.

Oh, and kick the other guy in the balls.

mr_B
24-09-2007, 10:31:11
what's wrong with Chris?

C.G.B. Spender
24-09-2007, 10:31:30
Kick also Chris in the balls

Chris
24-09-2007, 10:32:39
Everyone must be kicked in then balls, it's the solution to all of life's problems.

Resource Consumer
24-09-2007, 10:32:46
Sorry to hear all that and things might look bleak now but they will get better. When I got divorced after 10 years of marriage things looked pretty bleak at 41.

However, trust me, look elsewhere on this page and things will get better and you won't even see events coming.

C.G.B. Spender
24-09-2007, 10:36:56
RC, I got divorced after 12 years you sucker so what! You and your sorry little divorce! You don't know how it feels to suffer! I also broke my fucking foot PLUS my ligaments so suck my balls poly worshiping moron bastard

Chris
24-09-2007, 10:38:34
And people say VooDoo dolls don't work.

C.G.B. Spender
24-09-2007, 10:39:28
Actually it was a football ...

Chris
24-09-2007, 10:40:20
So you thought.

C.G.B. Spender
24-09-2007, 10:40:53
I never think

Chris
24-09-2007, 10:42:21
Who does around here?

C.G.B. Spender
24-09-2007, 10:46:08
Can't think of someone

Chris
24-09-2007, 10:47:28
Thinking is for lesser men.

MoSe
24-09-2007, 11:14:42
less is moron

Resource Consumer
24-09-2007, 11:26:25
Originally posted by C.G.B. Spender
RC, I got divorced after 12 years you sucker so what! You and your sorry little divorce! You don't know how it feels to suffer! I also broke my fucking foot PLUS my ligaments so suck my balls poly worshiping moron bastard

Sorry. No offence intended.

C.G.B. Spender
24-09-2007, 11:27:13
Liar! LIAR!

Chris
24-09-2007, 11:35:27
Don't worry, I find you offensive.

MoSe
24-09-2007, 11:40:50
Originally posted by King_Ghidra
I already had to cancel playing football today because he would be there and i knew i would fucking break his legs.

Now, why don't you try to be a sport and wish him good luck instead?
How do you say there, "Break a leg" ?

C.G.B. Spender
24-09-2007, 11:44:10
So KG broke my legs while playing football

Greg W
24-09-2007, 11:48:46
You were the mystery friend? :eek:

MoSe
24-09-2007, 11:52:14
he's lucky that he's brit, in Italy he'd been eaten by a wolf

Venom
24-09-2007, 11:56:58
Hey. It could be worse. At least you're not me.

mr_B
24-09-2007, 12:00:02
:lol:

Shining1
24-09-2007, 15:27:01
Awesome post.

Can't say what to do about the other guy really. He's definitely got you at a disadvantage, which is hard to compenstate for without a violent or otherwise underhanded act - which isn't going to help either. (Re the endless tales in every culture about vengence being a circle of violence that benefits no-one, and how delivering on it brings no relief at the end of the day.)

Just make sure you aren't focusing all the anger you feel about her on him. If part of you is tempted to consider a reconciliation still, you might be wanting to think better of her and worse of him. It's just not true. And she would know exactly how it would make you feel, too. He really doesn't have that much to do with it - he's just done something entirely inappropriate for selfish reasons and no longer deserves your time or respect.

King_Ghidra
24-09-2007, 16:03:50
thanks all, i do appreciate it

for what it's worth, she sent an honestly-worded apology today, but she also played the 'time for both of us to move on' card and the fact that i know she's right doesn't make much difference to my feelings about her way of doing it

anyway i'm booked for football this sunday, so the leg-breaking option is still available if i haven't 'moved on' by then

Venom
24-09-2007, 16:46:05
Oh break his fucking leg. Nothing wrong with that.

MOBIUS
24-09-2007, 18:01:12
Just make sure you're playing on the other side when you do it...:D

Lazarus and the Gimp
24-09-2007, 20:32:53
Oooh, yes. That's a sucky one.

Break-ups are one thing, but seeing them snogging someone else is the red mist time. In some ways it helps- you get so pissed off with your ex that you move on a bit quicker.

And breaking legs is bad. Spike his Bovril with laxatives instead. Or loudly discuss your herpes prescription in front of him.

Greg W
24-09-2007, 23:51:55
Originally posted by King_Ghidra
for what it's worth, she sent an honestly-worded apology today, but she also played the 'time for both of us to move on' card and the fact that i know she's right doesn't make much difference to my feelings about her way of doing itYou're right to feel that way, it was entirely innapropriate of her. Up to you, but I'd let her know in a nice way (well, as nice as you can) that IF she wishes to remain your friend, she had better show some more respect to you? After all, that's not how she should act an entire three weeks after you broke up, IF she wants to remain friends.

Your call though, mate.

Chris
25-09-2007, 05:21:40
You can hurt her more if you show up with a hotter broad.

Shining1
25-09-2007, 06:36:03
As an aside, it's probably fair to say that women (guys too?) generally don't just snog random strangers if they have any reasonable alternative.

But break his legs if he tries to provoke you about it. There's a difference between taking what you can get when it's offered, and lording it over others like a smarmy twat. A big difference.

And yeah. While I don't think Chris's comment is quite appropriate for your situation right now, it's always true that the best revenge is living well.

MoSe
25-09-2007, 06:48:01
Originally posted by King_Ghidra
anyway i'm booked for football this sunday, so the leg-breaking option is still available if i haven't 'moved on' by then

"sorry Shel, I tried to move on but his leg was in the way"

MoSe
25-09-2007, 06:49:54
OK, is there any posteresse here available for KG?
It's time to program for the next CG marriage!

maroule
25-09-2007, 07:35:21
Start by taking a revenge on all your married mates and your ex: have a lot of pointless sex with total strangers, if possible several girls at once, if possible involving a few very dirty combinations.

Take it out of your system for 6 months, go wild. It's probably the last time in your life you will be able to do it.

mr_B
25-09-2007, 07:46:51
and a bit pathetic when 32, fun but pathetic

MoSe
25-09-2007, 08:02:19
you WISH you were still THAT pathetic at your age, dontcha?

mr_B
25-09-2007, 08:05:12
NO, I AM

Greg W
25-09-2007, 08:09:32
You're right, you are that pathetic. What you wish is that you could get sex with women all the time. Or at all really. Well, except that married girl...

mr_B
25-09-2007, 08:10:53
:lol: jesjes Greg, that's what it is jesjes

C.G.B. Spender
25-09-2007, 08:11:36
You call that pathetic? It's ridiculous, yes, but pathetic? It takes a lot more to be pathetic. Look at me or RC. THAT'S pathetic.

mr_B
25-09-2007, 08:13:53
the two of you are my heroes.

NOW THAT"S PATHETIC

Greg W
25-09-2007, 08:28:45
Originally posted by mr_B
:lol: jesjes Greg, that's what it is jesjes See, Greg knows!

C.G.B. Spender
25-09-2007, 08:30:47
Originally posted by mr_B
the two of you are my heroes.

NOW THAT"S PATHETIC At least you have heroes

Funko
25-09-2007, 08:47:10
Hey mate, I know I haven't been around much recently but just give me a call if you want to go for a beer and/or chat sometime?

C.G.B. Spender
25-09-2007, 09:02:22
That's even more pathetic

Funko
25-09-2007, 09:33:44
You don't want to go for a beer? :(

MoSe
25-09-2007, 10:08:33
In Reading or Hamburg?

C.G.B. Spender
25-09-2007, 10:28:07
In general

mr_B
25-09-2007, 10:36:36
failure?

C.G.B. Spender
25-09-2007, 10:37:07
No, thanks

MoSe
25-09-2007, 11:01:43
Originally posted by C.G.B. Spender
In general

all the way down to Bulgaria?

http://www.guide-bulgaria.com/NE/Dobrich/General_Toshevo/General_Toshevo

Drekkus
25-09-2007, 11:12:53
General Mayhem?