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View Full Version : Getting uneasy now


Lazarus and the Gimp
20-02-2007, 20:53:09
Nut-chop day is tomorrow. Really not loking forwards to it.

RedFred
21-02-2007, 06:33:33
Does your computer run Unix?

MattHiggs
21-02-2007, 07:19:07
Good luck Laz! :beer:

mr_G
21-02-2007, 08:29:18
damn damn damn I'm getting sympathy pain right know.
A friend of mine did that two weeks ago and he couldn't sit for at least a week.
He told me that it's strange to smell the smell of your bbq-ed balls.

good luck Laz!!!

one thing man: this is a thing wich is out of PURE LOVE for mrs. Limp :beer:

Drekkus
21-02-2007, 09:01:33
I'm not sure if I could ever do that. Good luck!

Funko
21-02-2007, 09:09:34
Did you decide to shave or not shave?

MOBIUS
21-02-2007, 09:12:14
Why did you decide to get your bollocks chopped anyway?

Funko
21-02-2007, 09:24:30
I didn't.

Lazarus and the Gimp
21-02-2007, 09:40:47
Originally posted by Funko
Did you decide to shave or not shave?

I compromised with a mild trim.

Lazarus and the Gimp
21-02-2007, 09:42:20
Originally posted by MOBIUS
Why did you decide to get your bollocks chopped anyway?

Because I'm committed to this relationship, don't want more kids, don't want to put Mrs Gimp through a termination, and the sight of two midwives desperately trying to squeeze blood into her faster is one I never hope to witness on anyone again.

mr_G
21-02-2007, 10:08:16
:beer:

MOBIUS
21-02-2007, 10:51:58
Originally posted by Lazarus and the Gimp
Because I'm committed to this relationship, don't want more kids, don't want to put Mrs Gimp through a termination, and the sight of two midwives desperately trying to squeeze blood into her faster is one I never hope to witness on anyone again.

Then I applaud your courage and commitment!:beer:

Scabrous Birdseed
21-02-2007, 10:55:48
It's not this guy (http://www.urologyteam.com/our-doctors/dr-richard-chopp.htm) performing the surgery is it?

MDA
21-02-2007, 12:15:01
Originally posted by mr_G
mrs. Limp

:lol:

mr_G
21-02-2007, 12:32:01
lol, my best typo EVAH!!!!!

Gramercy Riffs
21-02-2007, 12:39:18
Originally posted by Scabrous Birdseed
It's not this guy (http://www.urologyteam.com/our-doctors/dr-richard-chopp.htm) performing the surgery is it?

Or this guy...


http://www.24-7simpsons.com/dr.nick_pic1.jpg

Frozen Frog
21-02-2007, 12:57:42
Will you be using a high pitched font from now on?

Nav
21-02-2007, 13:17:56
what like self biased?

Lazarus and the Gimp
22-02-2007, 09:45:24
Ow.

Lazarus and the Gimp
22-02-2007, 09:46:53
If anyone was curious about this particular point, let me assure them that injections into the vas deferens really aren't pleasant.

Tizzy
22-02-2007, 09:47:29
Even I'm cringing at the thought of that.

MOBIUS
22-02-2007, 10:52:16
*Wincingly prepares to close thread never to be opened again!:eek:

Mr. Bas
22-02-2007, 11:09:32
Thanks for sharing.

Skanky Burns
22-02-2007, 11:30:38
A friend of mine rode home on a bicycle after his operation was done.

mr_G
22-02-2007, 11:58:29
Originally posted by Lazarus and the Gimp
If anyone was curious about this particular point, let me assure them that injections into the vas deferens really aren't pleasant. :bash:

I'm having the sympathy pain again..... I HATE YOU AND YOUR BOLLOCKS :bash:

Chris
22-02-2007, 12:06:31
Don't fuck up your nuts pal.

Lazarus and the Gimp
22-02-2007, 13:06:19
What a vasectomy feels like

So let's set the scene. I'm currently lying on my back on a treatment bench, set in a Health Centre in the grotty end of town. My underpants are around my ankles, and the doctor is about to lay his hands on me for the first time. Being confused by the conflicting information on whether I should shave my tackle beforehand or not, I had compromised with a light trim. The doctor doesn't appear to care either way. Obviously I'm affecting a bluff and manly manner at this point, and fighting a nervous reaction to start talking about brutal contact sports.

My friend Chug said the most unnerving part of his vasectomy was having another man manhandling his genitals. As the doctor starts lifting and rearranging things whilst swabbing me down, I realise that I'm really not bothered by this in the slightest. Maybe I'm just gayer than the average bear. Whatever. Anyway, he's covered the area in green paper, and has tugged my bollocks through a hole in it. Now he's pinching at my scrotum to see if he can find the vas. He finds it and looks pleased. For some unaccountable reason that makes me feel proud.

Anaesthetic time. The first one is into the scrotum, and it's just a minor pricking sensation- no worse than the sort of thing you get at the dentist. No sweat.

The next injection is into the vas itself- the spermatic cords. Holy. Fucking. Christ.

Imagine a sensation like a corkscrew, colder than liquid helium, boring down into your testicle, upwards into your rapidly-shrinking cock, and backwards into your prostate. Rrrrrrrrrrrrr. Toes curling up. Doctor asks if I'm OK, and I say that I'm fine (in a shaky voice).

OK, everything's numb now. There now follows about five minutes of rummaging around, a few "shick!" sounds, and about ten seconds of a nasty hissing noise. Then the doctor announces "Right, let's do the other one".

No need for a second incision- instead he just does a sort of juggling act inside my scrotum and rearranges the spuds. Then it's time for the second vas injection. Holy. Fucking. Christ. Again. Doctor asks if I'm OK, and I say that I'm fine (in another shaky voice).

More juggling. More "shick!" sounds, and about ten seconds of another nasty hissing noise. Then it's done. An adhesive dressing is applied, my Calvin Kleins are stuffed with wadding, and I'm asked to spend the next 15 minutes sitting in the waiting room, in case my nuts fall off and go bouncing across the floor while the typically English crowd in the room pretend nothing is happening. Or something.

My entire genital area is numb. Here's a funny thing- in 36 years of life I've never once considered how basically uncomfortable it is having a set of male genitalia hanging around and getting in the way.Now, for the first time, I am liberated. For the first time, I can sit around with feeling the need to untangle or shift things. How curious to start envying eunuchs.

The drive home gets interesting as the anaesthetic wears off. The rest of the evening is spent with my feet up, waddling around, and trying to have a wee without moving the padding (which is not easy). With every cough I am reminded that I have suffered a genital injury. I'm popping paracetamol and trying not to move.

What I can expect is about seven days of decreasing discomfort. Unless I get an infection. Or if I get cocky and overdo the exertion, in which case I'll get a scrotal heamatoma causing my bollocks to swell up to twice their size and turn black. Fuck that.

mr_G
22-02-2007, 13:23:29
http://www.mytylschooldebrug.nl/images/pl_beer.jpg
here Laz, I think you need this for sitting and letting your balls rest.

I'm in pain

Mr. Bas
22-02-2007, 13:48:54
I am definitely not going to read that. :bash:

Lazarus and the Gimp
22-02-2007, 13:54:58
I mock your fear.

MattHiggs
22-02-2007, 14:00:36
:hmm:

fp
22-02-2007, 14:00:49
shick!

Venom
22-02-2007, 14:31:43
That's the worst thing I've ever read.

King_Ghidra
22-02-2007, 15:35:05
at least it was about someone else's nuts.

MDA
22-02-2007, 15:37:17
poor Laz :(

Fistandantilus
22-02-2007, 17:08:57
It does sound like a medieval torture method. Ugh.

Lefty Scaevola
22-02-2007, 18:56:03
Hey Laz, your blog is dead
http://howlingatthemoon.blog-city.com/

Lazarus and the Gimp
22-02-2007, 19:16:06
Some years back, yes.

I might go post that vasectomy story on CFC to see how they take it.

Lazarus and the Gimp
22-02-2007, 20:25:39
Yep. CFC is much the same as I remember it.


Originally Posted by warpus
A vasectomy is a sin

Frozen Frog
23-02-2007, 02:15:20
Winston will enjoy this immensely.

Lurker the Second
23-02-2007, 03:50:32
I just don't know what to say.
:beer:

Koshko
23-02-2007, 04:02:51
Originally posted by Lazarus and the Gimp
What a vasectomy feels like

So let's set the scene. I'm currently lying on my back on a treatment bench, set in a Health Centre in the grotty end of town. My underpants are around my ankles, and the doctor is about to lay his hands on me for the first time. Being confused by the conflicting information on whether I should shave my tackle beforehand or not, I had compromised with a light trim. The doctor doesn't appear to care either way. Obviously I'm affecting a bluff and manly manner at this point, and fighting a nervous reaction to start talking about brutal contact sports.

My friend Chug said the most unnerving part of his vasectomy was having another man manhandling his genitals. As the doctor starts lifting and rearranging things whilst swabbing me down, I realise that I'm really not bothered by this in the slightest. Maybe I'm just gayer than the average bear. Whatever. Anyway, he's covered the area in green paper, and has tugged my bollocks through a hole in it. Now he's pinching at my scrotum to see if he can find the vas. He finds it and looks pleased. For some unaccountable reason that makes me feel proud.

Anaesthetic time. The first one is into the scrotum, and it's just a minor pricking sensation- no worse than the sort of thing you get at the dentist. No sweat.

The next injection is into the vas itself- the spermatic cords. Holy. Fucking. Christ.

Imagine a sensation like a corkscrew, colder than liquid helium, boring down into your testicle, upwards into your rapidly-shrinking cock, and backwards into your prostate. Rrrrrrrrrrrrr. Toes curling up. Doctor asks if I'm OK, and I say that I'm fine (in a shaky voice).

OK, everything's numb now. There now follows about five minutes of rummaging around, a few "shick!" sounds, and about ten seconds of a nasty hissing noise. Then the doctor announces "Right, let's do the other one".

No need for a second incision- instead he just does a sort of juggling act inside my scrotum and rearranges the spuds. Then it's time for the second vas injection. Holy. Fucking. Christ. Again. Doctor asks if I'm OK, and I say that I'm fine (in another shaky voice).

More juggling. More "shick!" sounds, and about ten seconds of another nasty hissing noise. Then it's done. An adhesive dressing is applied, my Calvin Kleins are stuffed with wadding, and I'm asked to spend the next 15 minutes sitting in the waiting room, in case my nuts fall off and go bouncing across the floor while the typically English crowd in the room pretend nothing is happening. Or something.

My entire genital area is numb. Here's a funny thing- in 36 years of life I've never once considered how basically uncomfortable it is having a set of male genitalia hanging around and getting in the way.Now, for the first time, I am liberated. For the first time, I can sit around with feeling the need to untangle or shift things. How curious to start envying eunuchs.

The drive home gets interesting as the anaesthetic wears off. The rest of the evening is spent with my feet up, waddling around, and trying to have a wee without moving the padding (which is not easy). With every cough I am reminded that I have suffered a genital injury. I'm popping paracetamol and trying not to move.

What I can expect is about seven days of decreasing discomfort. Unless I get an infection. Or if I get cocky and overdo the exertion, in which case I'll get a scrotal heamatoma causing my bollocks to swell up to twice their size and turn black. Fuck that.

This post should have ended with this ...

http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2004-11/897566/TheMoreYouKnow.jpg

OldWarrior_42
23-02-2007, 07:48:23
What a vasectomy feels like

I am dead serious. I enjoy reading your stories more than anything else on the internet. I laugh so hard that I cough up blood.

You should write comedy. I really mean that.

By the way, Laz... I admire you for doing it for the reasons you stated. Thats true love and friendship towards your wife.
:beer:

Hope you get to feeling better soon.

Fistandantilus
23-02-2007, 12:09:07
Originally posted by Lazarus and the Gimp
Yep. CFC is much the same as I remember it.

Actually, he's right. I'm just surprised you didn't simply give up sex.

Fergus & The Brazen Car
23-02-2007, 12:28:21
Oh what joys!


Reminds me of having a testicular cyst womanhandled by the doctor at the university's health centre in Manchester.

Still, I was reassured it wasn't cancer, so that was quite a cheery outcome. Whereas yours was not so much an outcome, as a comedown, Laz.


Oh- and you also brought to mind something I hadn't thought about in years, when a childhood acquaintance was riding his bicycle and and slid forward onto the bar, gashing his goolie sac in the process. Unfortunately I didn't get to see the contents as he was in too much pain and anguish, and had to be dashed off to casualty.

Those blue, remembered balls, as A E Housman might have written...

King_Ghidra
23-02-2007, 13:21:12
:cry:

Chris
23-02-2007, 16:04:20
I'm glad I never had that procedure.

MDA
23-02-2007, 16:10:58
I had a sick professor in college that actually watched his - he told the class he was fine with everything until he saw a little wisp of smoke rise up - that shook him. :)

:beer:, Laz, for the good deed, and for the pain

devilmunchkin
26-02-2007, 00:24:37
well, are the Gimp's taking good care of you? Sounds like quite an ordeal.. worse than when i had mywisdom teeth out,

mr_G
26-02-2007, 11:11:18
wisdom teeth vs. BOLLOCKS
that's a clear 0-100

Lefty Scaevola
26-02-2007, 21:13:31
I do not recall having anything like that pain from the anesthesia injections. Must be another disadvantage of socilized medicine. They make the anesthesia hurt more.

devilmunchkin
26-02-2007, 21:26:37
Originally posted by mr_G
wisdom teeth vs. BOLLOCKS
that's a clear 0-100

I'm a girl! You can hardly blame me for not knowing.

mr_G
26-02-2007, 21:43:21
Bollocks are seriously serious - FACT!!

Lazarus and the Gimp
26-02-2007, 22:20:18
If anyone was wondering, yes. My nuts are still aching.

mr_G
26-02-2007, 22:28:18
thank you

DaShi
26-02-2007, 22:53:58
Keep us updated.

Greg W
27-02-2007, 05:39:40
Jeesus, that sounds nasty. Not looking forward to the day when I will probably eventually need to get it done. :(

Fistandantilus
27-02-2007, 09:14:36
Originally posted by mr_G
Bollocks are seriously serious - FACT!!

:lol:

mr_G
27-02-2007, 09:38:39
that's not funny!!!!!

self biased
27-02-2007, 14:13:57
:bluecard: