View Full Version : Amazon Reviews of Katie Price & Peter Andre's Album

12-01-2007, 11:28:31
Sheer. Fucking. Genius.


I didn't put it in the music forum because I don't count it as music, before anyone complains!

Like so many great artists, I fear that Kate and Pete are destined to remain unappreciated during their own life times. "A whole new world" is an understatement..."A whole new musical paradigm" would have been more apt I feel. Don't let the sarcasm of the philistines who have reviewed this album below put you off.

There have been many turning points in the history of Western music...it has often been said for instance that after the first performance of Beethoven's Third Symphony, music was never the same again. The release of this album is an event of similar gravity I feel.

After the first play it hit me like a bolt of lightening, but it was only after the third or forth listen that its sheer subtle majesty revealed itself, and I suspect that my life will now forever be changed beyond recognition. For instance, as a result of this music (and 'music' does not feel like a big enough world to describe it) I am seriously considering having a sex change and moving to the Isle of Man.

I have only one complaint about this meisterwerk. The Price. It's far too low. Were there to be but one copy remaining in the world, and had my own copy been mysteriously burned in a catastrophic fire in which I had been unable to risk my life rescuing it, I would gladly sell my children into slavery to buy that last remaining disc.

I was born deaf. I have never heard any sound, a child laughing, the sea washing up the beach, the wind in the trees. All these sounds are alien to me and I will never know what beauty they hold. I am also completely blind. I have never seen a setting sun, a flower bloom or David Beckham. But for one brief moment last week I heard sounds and saw sights for the first time in my life.

My wife bought "A Whole new World" by Peter Andre and the Jordans. The second she put it on, I was transported to a world of colour and the sounds of angels. I could see, I could hear. Tears rolled down my face as I saw my wifes face for the first time, even the revelation of her hideous features could not detract from the majesty of the voices of Peter and Jordan soaring like eagles through a sun kissed sky. I rose from my chair and carressed the cd jewel case, sounds and sights filling my senses. For 37 minutes I was a normal person, filled with joy.

Then the CD stopped, and I returned to a world of silence and darkness. I stumbled into a coffee table and fell face first into the stereo system, shattering it, and my teeth into a thousand pieces. My wife has since hidden the CD. I spoke to my doctor on the phone, and he confirmed that there is no medical explanation for my temporary cure. He also said that he had many patients come to him with temporary miracle cures occuring whilst listening to the god given album. For a full 37 minutes, Didier Drogba managed to run without falling over, Geraint Jones remained at the crease and Barry from the Cillit Bang commercials lost his voice.

Me and my colleagues at the Royal National Scottish Philharmonic Orchestra have been touched so greatly by this album, we just cannot stop playing renditions in our spare time. Morning, noon and night - we just want to recapture the glory, the love, the wonder that is this album. Our fear is that our collective talents will simply not stretch to achieve the dizzy heights of this masterpiece. To all record companies worldwide: why bother producing any more records? What chance will your artists have against the legend that is Katie and Peter? One word..... Absolutely beautiful. Oh sorry, thats two words.

It was dark, a primeval blackness, the abyss of Ginunnga Gap. Then there was light, and the light was A Whole New World. A world of joy and happiness created by Peter and Katie. I was that darkness, now I am light. I was that emptiness, now I am complete. I was mortal, now I will live for ever. I will give up everything I own for copies of this CD just to give them away to everybody I meet so that they too can become as complete as I.

What a wonderful experience. It reminded me of that time I was walking along a running stream in a wooded glade when I spotted the water turning a pale shade of red. This I attributed to the cherry blossom that was overhanging the water's edge dropping into and colouring the water but upon further inspection I discovered a number of floating, disgorged sheep, guts and entrails spewing out and blood trailing along in swirls behind each carcass. I shall always treasure that moment as I shall this album.

Cherish it. Hold it. Mate with it. Buy it, for it transcends mere earthly values such as capitalism and religion. Sheer heaven.

I read the previous reviews with a certain level of scepticism, thinking surely they were sarcastic jokes at the expense of Jordan and Peter. How wrong I was.

Upon placing the cd and the first celestial chords striking up I was blinded by a bright light and a voice akin to Pinky from Pinky and Perky spoke to me saying "My child you have discovered paradise, now go and spread my word, you are about to embark on a whole new world" but my Lord I said, I have already found paradise in "Looking For - The Best of David Hasselhoff" (check it on amazon.com). "No my child", the voice answered,"that was merely an entree, now go, time is precious and you have much work to do".

I subsequently packed in my [...] a year city job, ditched my supermodel girlfriend and locked myself in my flat, listening to Price and Andre till I'd swallowed every ounce of this musical epic. I now spend my days walking the streets of Aberystwyth distributing free copies of this CD to any who wish to be enlightened, dressed all in white carrying a long staff, telling the people I meet that I defeated the NAZGUL with this CD and nothing else.


12-01-2007, 11:31:46
Maybe you should have checked the Music forum (http://www.counterglow.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=36955)

12-01-2007, 11:33:16

Immortal Wombat
12-01-2007, 13:29:53
Kitsuki's right. The music forum is a bit inappropriate.

12-01-2007, 14:05:24
I may open a thread in the site discussion forum to request this thread be closed.

12-01-2007, 14:11:53
That would be a sensible thing to do.

12-01-2007, 14:24:16
Too sensible, in fact.

12-01-2007, 14:32:13
I would have probably never read those pearls in the music forum tho.

BTW, WHO are Katie & Peter?
Do you think it worthy for me to bother googling them?

Lurker the Second
12-01-2007, 15:35:34
Bah, a Hasselhoff rip-off.