View Full Version : America is losing the War on Buttplugs!

20-12-2006, 16:00:13
This is brilliant:

from: http://www.liberalavenger.com/2005/12/27/the-baby-jesus-butt-plug/

In the course of a fantastic Firedoglake post about right-wing bloggers on the take, I learned about the Confederate Yankee’s outrage over Google’s War on Christmas in a post called “Google Mocks Christ on Christmas Eve.”

This is pretty funny.

Apparently the Confederate Yankee was really, truly searching Google for “baby jesus” and discovered that the first result returned is for the “Baby Jesus Butt-Plug“:

When you woke up this morning
you know that something was missin
in your life.
It wasn’t the new car, the new job,
the boyfriend or the girlfriend.
But now you know: it’s the Baby Jesus
Butt Plug.
Slap him on the dashboard.
Use him as the ultimate pacifier
or make Baby Jesus the centerpiece
of your magnificent Dildo Creche.

What would Jesus do?

Clearly this is an inappropriate top result for “Baby Jesus” in Google and I can understand somebody being offended by it (although the idea of an adult searching for “Baby Jesus” strikes me as being a bit odd), declaring that Google is intentionally mocking Christ at Christmastime is full-on wingnuttery.

Even after some fellow-wingnuts try to explain Google’s PageRank algorithim to the ConYank he holds his ground in an update to the original post:

Update: Some folks have made the argument that this is the result of Googlebombing or other SEO tricks. Others say that it is merely the result of Google’s search programs. They would absolve Google of all responsibility.

I do not.

Google’s algorithms are man-made, coded by human programmers, as are any exclusionary protocols. These people ultimately decide if search results are relevant. I think it is fair to say that a butt plug is not a relevant search result for 99-percent of Google users searching for information on Jesus Christ as a baby.

So either Google has manipulative coders, or a fouled algorithm in their baseline technologies that suggests their massive capitalization is based upon a a house of cards. I’ll leave individual readers and investors to make the call.


[An update of my own: via IM, a friend shows me that the Baby Jesus Dildo company also offers a Christ on Crucifix dildo called “Jackhammer Jesus.” I wonder if what is really going on here isn’t Christians mocking the manufacturers of sex-toys!]

20-12-2006, 16:18:57
"I think it is fair to say that a butt plug is not a relevant search result for 99-percent of Google users searching for information on Jesus Christ as a baby"

I would challenge that! why else would you look for "baby Jesus"? to know if he wet his diapers like other babies? or if he talked like an adult from day one?

20-12-2006, 16:23:58
Christmas songs.


20-12-2006, 16:27:23
baby jesus sang christmas songs?

<--- can you see the disbelieving, puzzled look on my face?

20-12-2006, 16:29:18
I only search for baby jesus on google if I follow it with butt plug, it's good to know I can save some typing.