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MOBIUS
23-11-2006, 09:31:31
The 25 Funniest Analogies (Collected by High School English Teachers)

The e-mail says they are taken from actual high school essays and collected by English teachers across the country for their own amusement. Some of these kids may have bright futures as humour writers. What do you think?

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

I think my favourite is number 4.
:D

Gary
23-11-2006, 10:12:04
I've seen that list of similes before. They're all good. 6 particularly so though (and I suspect deliberately so).

King_Ghidra
23-11-2006, 10:18:57
http://www.counterglow.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=14166

Gary
23-11-2006, 10:26:32
Metaphors Analogies Similes --- I'm confused :(

MOBIUS
23-11-2006, 10:34:06
Originally posted by King_Ghidra
http://www.counterglow.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=14166

Oops, well I obviously wasn't around for that thread...:o

MoSe
23-11-2006, 14:52:55
Originally posted by Gary
Metaphors Analogies Similes --- I'm confused :(
they're all alike

King_Ghidra
23-11-2006, 14:55:47
there's as similar as three identical triplets in in a hall of mirrors

MoSe
23-11-2006, 15:02:33
they're mucho MAS

Drekkus
23-11-2006, 15:14:00
Originally posted by MOBIUS
Oops, well I obviously wasn't around for that thread...:o :lol: it was bumped half a dozen times over a three year period. :p

MoSe
23-11-2006, 15:19:43
he likes twists better than bumps

Diss
28-11-2006, 05:22:05
Originally posted by Drekkus
:lol: it was bumped half a dozen times over a three year period. :p

I never noticed it. But I'm never around, like a deadbeat dad.

I'm not good at doing bad analagies. It requires a special gift apparantly.

Diss
28-11-2006, 05:23:46
4 is probably the best. 2 and 3 are great.

5 is just friggin hilarious. 11 is just stupid

13 I don't want to know how he knows this

17 is the coolest

Beta1
28-11-2006, 07:10:09
I have a sneaking suspicion 20 is lifted from a douglas adams book but I cant remember which one.

Diss
28-11-2006, 07:12:08
Yeah 20 doesn't seem like something written by a high school kid.

It's unlikely a high school kid would be married and have a brother in law. Unless maybe he had an older sister who was married. I think her husband would also be considered a brother in law.

King_Ghidra
28-11-2006, 09:20:22
if you think any of those were written by a high school kid you're retarded

Ginfizwithatwist
28-11-2006, 09:23:11
absolutely hilarious :)

Diss
28-11-2006, 09:26:11
Originally posted by King_Ghidra
if you think any of those were written by a high school kid you're retarded

I know at least one that was. Because it was written by me when I was in high school. :p

Beta1
28-11-2006, 19:00:24
really? Quick lets all go and sell our CG accounts, they must be worth a fortune!!11!!one!

Diss
29-11-2006, 00:19:51
mine must be. I have a high post count. well maybe not. never checked it.