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MOBIUS
15-11-2006, 10:24:19
Drunken elk worries children
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Elk
An elk: 'Wharrayou lookin' at? Whazza problem? I'll fight yez... I'll fight yez all, ya basstars...'

Schoolchildren in Sweden are being terrorised by an elk. That would be bad news in itself, but this case gets worse because the elk is drunk.

According to staff at the school in Gothenburg, the elk has been lurking around the school for days, including sleeping in the school doorway and frightening the children.

Swedish news source The Local reports that staff have described the elk as 'completely crazy.' Eventually, as the animal got more aggressive, the elk-terror became so bad that the school authorities called in the police. The cops quickly came up with a theory explaining the elk's disreputable behaviour.

Police commander Jan Caiman said: 'We believe that the apple trees in the gardens have a part to play in this.'

'It was probably the apples that lured the elk over there in the first place. That could be the root of the problem. We may be dealing with an alco-elk.' The theory is that the apples that have fallen to the ground during the autumn may well have fermented with the result that an elk eating too many of them quickly becomes drunker than a teenager swigging White Lightning behind the bus shelter.

Caiman hopes that, given time, the elk will decide it's had enough and sleep it off, before its behaviour becomes so rowdy that it has to be put down.

It's not the first drunk elk that Caiman's had to deal with in his time. He remembered one previous incident: 'A home-owner had raked up a big pile of plums. In the middle of the pile lay a one year old calf. It was absolutely plastered.'

http://www.metro.co.uk/weird

:beer:

King_Ghidra
15-11-2006, 10:51:02
If the elk would just rape one of the kids the story could be upgraded to meet Laz's requirements.

RedFred
15-11-2006, 15:18:50
What were the kids into? You'd have to be pretty drunk to confuse a moose with an elk.

Venom
15-11-2006, 15:27:28
And Mobius thinks this is a contribution that will make people want to post.

mr_G
15-11-2006, 15:41:14
time for him to leave forevah again

C.G.B. Spender
15-11-2006, 15:48:20
Time for him to see a doctor

zmama
15-11-2006, 15:48:38
recipes for moose might do a better job


but Im too lazy :)

C.G.B. Spender
15-11-2006, 15:50:03
Good old laziness!

Venom
15-11-2006, 15:54:34
The Moose is a major Canadian natural resource. They use it much like the Indians of old used Buffalo. They build houses out of them, they eat them, they rape them, they take them for pets and dress them up in tuxedo outfits. Then they rape them.

mr_G
15-11-2006, 15:56:46
claudia's got a pet moose called eghenhart

Venom
15-11-2006, 15:58:00
Sex with a Moose is a right of passage in Canadia. They're such a progressive, liberal country they don't care if the Moose is male or female.

mr_G
15-11-2006, 16:01:20
bet claudia has got some canadian blood then

mr_G
15-11-2006, 16:01:46
i'll ask her to tjop some wood

Mr. Bas
15-11-2006, 16:08:07
Originally posted by Venom
Sex with MoSe is a rite of passage in Italia. They're such a progressive, liberal country they don't care if the MoSe is male or female.
:brwncard:

Immortal Wombat
15-11-2006, 16:50:06
Originally posted by RedFred
What were the kids into? You'd have to be pretty drunk to confuse a moose with an elk. Not so much in Eurasia.

Frozen Frog
15-11-2006, 17:04:59
Moose are a better fuck when they're drunk. They tend to fight you. I can't resist a drunken Moose. Especially one with antlers.

Greg W
16-11-2006, 08:55:54
:eek:

King_Ghidra
16-11-2006, 09:21:53
Originally posted by Venom
And Mobius thinks this is a contribution that will make people want to post.

scarily he was right

MOBIUS
16-11-2006, 09:27:37
Indeed. :smoke:

Interestingly Venom himself felt compelled to post several times afterwards...:cute:

Venom
16-11-2006, 12:45:31
Someone needed to try and save the thread.

Tizzy
16-11-2006, 12:46:21
Why try? You'll only fail.

mr_G
16-11-2006, 14:43:58
he is a giver

Venom
16-11-2006, 14:45:08
Mr G called for posts and this thread was all I had to work with. If I can't even try to post, what hope is left?

Tizzy
16-11-2006, 14:48:55
There's no hope. None at all.
Didn't you see the "abandon all hope" sign on the way in?

mr_Gsus
16-11-2006, 15:02:03
there is always hope dear sister

Venom
16-11-2006, 15:19:51
Originally posted by Tizzy
There's no hope. None at all.
Didn't you see the "abandon all hope" sign on the way in?

Reading I is not good at.

MOBIUS
16-11-2006, 15:24:13
Originally posted by Venom
Someone needed to try and save the thread.

Who here thinks this will go on to be one of the all-time great threads of CG?

mr_G
16-11-2006, 15:47:29
me me me

MOBIUS
16-11-2006, 15:54:10
Kewl!

We're already joint 10th most popular thread on this page!:bounce:

Frozen Frog
16-11-2006, 16:54:16
Back home people eat the Moose's balls after they've killed it. Not before. And they cut off the head and put it on the hood or the top of their car and they parade it around for a couple of weeks. They used to anyway. It's a dying tradition. I miss home.