View Full Version : Five Levels of Hangovers

29-09-2006, 15:07:14
***** Five Levels of Hangovers
One Star Hangover (*) No pain. No real feeling of
illness. You're able to function relatively well.
However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 cokes
and still feel this way. For some reason, you are
craving a steak & fries.

Two Star Hangover (**) No pain, but something is
definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the
mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are
chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which
is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the
3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite
havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.

Three Star Hangover (***) Slight headache. Stomach
feels crappy. You are definitely not productive.
Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume
reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your
alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be
better right now if you were home in your bed watching
Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of
water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke--yet you haven't
peed once.

Four Star Hangover (****) Life sucks. Your head is
throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you
might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for
being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of
booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the
fact that you only shaved one side of your face. For
the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on
while riding the bumper cars. Your eyes look like one
big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your ass is in
perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you
take during the day brings water to the eyes of
everyone who enters the bathroom.

Five Star Hangover (*****) You have a second heartbeat
in your head, which is actually annoying the
employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is
seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You
still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your
mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get
the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost
the ability to generate spit so your tongue is
suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who
the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this
morning. Any attempt to take a dump results in a
fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with
a rare 'Floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of
this 'Floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water
all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about
right now...

29-09-2006, 15:12:39

Provost Harrison
29-09-2006, 15:25:00
Any attempt to take a dump results in a
fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with
a rare 'Floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of
this 'Floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water
all over your ass

:lol: So true...

29-09-2006, 15:43:12
In my experience there's at least two levels of hangovers beyond 5

29-09-2006, 15:44:32
Six Star Hangover: you're dead

Seven Star Hangover: you're an English girl from Manchester

29-09-2006, 15:45:19
Seven star hangover involves not being able to walk for two days...

29-09-2006, 16:05:04
Seven Star Hangover: you're an English girl from Manchester, with a bleeding arse

29-09-2006, 16:23:16
Hangovers are for lesser men.

29-09-2006, 16:23:30
Yeah, I have had freinds who were bed ridden for a day, and couldn't eat solid food for two days.

I think I have never been above a 3.5.


30-09-2006, 18:00:55
OK, I think I got to a 4 two times in my life, only two weeks apart. One was on a party with friends, when I was sent to bed by a friend after watching Terminator 2, but only understand the basic concepts in the film like "The good guy" and "The bad guy" and throwing this 2 comments all the time. The next day was really NOT funny, forget the birthday of my sister.....

The second was on the silver wedding (is it called this way in English, when people are married 25 years?) of my parents.....Quite embarrasing *GGG*


01-10-2006, 10:32:02
LOL, sounds like fun. Certainly had a five once or twice