View Full Version : Jack and Jill

14-09-2006, 12:03:38
Jack was about to marry Jill. His father took him to one side and said, now listen to this son! "When I got married to your mother the first thing I did when we got home was to take off my trousers. I gave them to your mother and told her to try them on, which she did. They were enormous on her and she said to me that she couldn't possibly wear them, as they were too large. I said to her "Of course they are too large for you. I wear the trousers in this family and I always will. Ever since that day we have never had a single problem".

Jack took his father's advice to heart and as soon as he got Jill alone after the wedding, he did the same thing. He took off his trousers and handed them to Jill and told her to try them on. When she did she said "I can't wear these, they're far too large for me". "Exactly" Jack replied "I wear the trousers in this family and I always will. I don't want you to ever forget that".

Then Jill took off her knickers and gave them to Jack. "Try these on Jack" she said, so he tried them on but they were too small. "I can't get into your knickers" said Jack. So Jill said " Exactly, and if you don't change your fucking attitude, you never will!"

14-09-2006, 12:32:53
he said knicker.

14-09-2006, 12:52:42

14-09-2006, 19:11:43
ha ha, love it

14-09-2006, 20:35:10
Is this a joke about the New York Knicks?

14-09-2006, 23:22:30
Oh.... it's a JOKE.....

14-09-2006, 23:28:27
:lol: hilarious

15-09-2006, 08:38:21
er.... what exactly did she mean with "fucking attitude"?

15-09-2006, 08:40:16
Adjective rather than verb, I hope... ;)

15-09-2006, 08:42:03
gotta love english :D

15-09-2006, 09:10:18
No other language could give a profanity so many potential meanings... :D

Nills Lagerbaak
15-09-2006, 11:03:17
Did you get that from 1001 politically correct jokes for the new Tory? :p

15-09-2006, 11:07:00
From a Lib Dem mate actually! :P

15-09-2006, 11:12:42
Originally posted by Nills Lagerbaak
Did you get that from 1001 politically correct jokes for the new Tory? :p

Please tell me there aren't 1000 more like that.

Nills Lagerbaak
15-09-2006, 11:23:32
Oh dear, I found another..

The airliner pushed back from the gate, the flight attendant gave the passengers the usual information regarding seat belts, etc. Finally, she said, "Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to your destination." Ed sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, "Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman?" When the attendants came by with the drink cart, he said "Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?" "Yes," said the attendant, "In fact, this entire crew is female." "My God," said Ed, "I'd better have two scotch and sodas. I don't know what to think of all those women up there in the cockpit." "That's another thing sir," said the attendant, "We no longer call it the cock pit." "Now it's the Box office.

15-09-2006, 11:28:31
That's bad. Really bad. So bad I feel like telling another!

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian.

Prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that patrolled the area. Finally, one day during a tropical storm, Justin said to Christian, "I'm bored and frustrated at being a prawn, I wish I was a shark - and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten..."

As Justin had his mind firmly on becoming a predator, a flash of lightning hits the water and lo and behold, Justin turns into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swims away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time went on, and Justin found himself becoming bored and lonely as a shark. All his old friends simply swam away whenever he came close to them, Justin hardly realizing that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

During the next tropical storm, Justin figures that the same lightning force could change him back into a prawn. Lightning never strikes twice except in stories like these, but while he was thinking of being a prawn again, a flash of lightning strikes the water next to Justin and lo and behold, he turns back into a prawn. With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swims back to his friends and buys them all a cocktail.

Looking around the gathering at the reef, he looks for his old pal. "Where's Christian?" he asked. "He's at home, distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark" came the reply.

Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he sets off to Christian's house. As he opens the coral gate, the memories come flooding back. He bangs on the door and shouts "It's me, Justin, your old friend. Come out and see me again!"

Christian replies, "No way man. You'll eat me. You're a shark; the enemy. I will not be tricked."

Justin cries back, "No I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed ...

... I'm a prawn again Christian.... !!"

Nills Lagerbaak
15-09-2006, 11:31:39

"like a three-year-old had been let loose with a crayon"


Sorry I should qualify I'm not laughing at that "joke"...it's one of the worst :p

Mr. Bas
15-09-2006, 11:44:58
Worst thread ever.

15-09-2006, 12:06:30
It's horrid.

15-09-2006, 12:21:26
That is far to much to read.

15-09-2006, 12:22:39
It's well worth it though, read every word.

15-09-2006, 12:23:48
Its posts like that, that make Cruddy leave.