View Full Version : Imaginary Film Association

26-08-2006, 11:46:10
Inspired by my wanting to put 'Night Heat' in reply to 'In the Heat of the Night', imagining there would actually be a movie called that... (it was a TV series!)

All you have to do is make up an association that sounds like it would be a plausible film title.

I'll start with:

Night Heat

Lazarus and the Gimp
27-08-2006, 12:28:45
Yes, let's have another "game" thread to light up the forum with the enticing promise of new threads, only for it to be revealed as another "game" entry, shall we? Nay! Nay, I say! I say nay again! It is lameness! It is piffle!

27-08-2006, 21:12:59
"Is It Piffle?" (1969)
One of those scathing British political comedies lashing out at the injustices of the "class" system and capital-imperialism in a dying Empire.
Director: Nigel Bryce
Starring: Peter O'Toome and Prince

27-08-2006, 21:31:28
"This Ain't Gonna Last" (1994)
Director: Spike Lee
Starring: Denzel Washington, John Torturro, Ossie Davis
About ghettos, gang-violence, drugs, junkies, corrupt cops, dysfunctional courts, racism, prostitution, sports, hip hop, bling-bling, and the battle between right and wrong, and the definition of right and wrong, and why wrong is sometimes right, and right sometimes wrong.

28-08-2006, 08:17:55
"L'amante invisible" (1979)
Director: François Truffaut
Starring: Jean-Pierre Leaud, Marie France Pisier, Fanny Ardant
Man loves a woman, who loves another woman, who loves her teddy bear. In this bitter sweet story about the inability of humans to communicate, the director really asks us "is cinema more important than life?"

Lazarus and the Gimp
28-08-2006, 08:36:12
"This is all a load of shit that belongs on another forum" (2006 pre-preduction).

Director: Michael Bay
Starring: Ron Perlman (Mobius), Natalie Portman (maroule).
Bizarre avant-garde piece of improv theatre in which the lead characters attempt to slowly work assorted items of cutlery into their bodily orifices. With big explosions and at least one scene of mawkish male bonding.

Scabrous Birdseed
28-08-2006, 10:05:53
"Isn't This Part of Writing, Kinda?" (1976)

Director: Woody Allen
Starring: Woody Allen as Woody Allen, Mia Farrow as Woody Allen
A neurotic screenwriter falls in love with a neurotic actress portraying him in a play directed by his vindicative ex-wife. His bossy neighbour convinces then to try living abroad but in they end they return to NYC.

28-08-2006, 10:50:13
"If I was Natalie Portman I would masturbate in front of my mirror all day long" (2006)

Director: Danny Boyle
Starring: Paris Hilton, Larenz Tate, introducing Laz
A group of US teenagers get lost at night in a secluded English forest, and face the salvagery of a deranged local, yielding fearsome DIY hand tools. The black guy dies first, the posh blonde is repeatedly ass raped by a donkey drunk on scrumpy, but the villain kills himself in the cathartic last scene, mishandling badly a FastMax Extreme Demolition Driver (from Stanley Hand Tools)

28-08-2006, 13:15:37
"Brokeback Forum" (2006)

The tender coming of age story of a Brit (Funko) and a Yank (Venom) finding forbidden love on a hill in New Zealand, and the long term effects of that encounter on the Brit's Nerdy GF (Tizzy).

C.G.B. Spender
28-08-2006, 17:08:30
"Le Bricoleur" (1965)

Director: Gérard Oury
Chaotic DIY addict Bernard Boulez (Louis de Funès) and his assistant Popu (Fernandel) fight against the evil half-brother-in-law Heinrich Schmatzenkus (Gert Froebe), who is running a high-tech construction company.

Scabrous Birdseed
28-08-2006, 18:34:41
"Man walks across screen" (1896)

Director: Louis Lumiere
Starring: Auguste Lumiere
A complex interplay of split-second sequences, still shots and multiple-picture montages depicting the life of three generations of mortuary assistants and their existential crises.

29-08-2006, 10:01:23
Undertaker (1996)

Director: Michael Bay
Starring: Ice Cube, Alan Rickman

When Mortuary assistant and ex-special forces commando DeShawn Brown discovers that the body he is burying contains a powerful government secret, he suddenly finds that sinister forces are trying to arrange his own funeral. What follows is a hi-octane thriller guaranteed to have you turning in your grave.

31-08-2006, 11:08:12
Originally posted by C.G.B. Spender
"Le Bricoleur" (1965)

Director: Gérard Oury
Chaotic DIY addict Bernard Boulez (Louis de Funès) and his assistant Popu (Fernandel) fight against the evil half-brother-in-law Heinrich Schmatzenkus (Gert Froebe), who is running a high-tech construction company. With new sound track by Dieter Bohlen.

Fergus & The Brazen Car
04-09-2006, 11:03:31
The Pope Prefers Blondes

1950, dir. Alfred Hitchcock.

Starring Marilyn Monroe as Lucrezia Borgia, Ernest Borgnine as Pope Alexander, Max Von Sydow as the Holy Roman Emperor and Joan Crawford as the Queen Mother of France.

Startling and provocative expose of Vatican sexual hijinks and shenanigans by the Roman Catholic expat Brit, offended by the League of Catholic Decency's campaigns against his films.

The deflowering of Marilyn Monroe by the Easter candle wielding Ernest Borgnine as the Borgia pope is remarkable because we never see the candle entering her body.