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Cruddy
12-08-2006, 17:43:56
THE BOOK OF EHUD

Chapter 94: The Smighty Warriors go Forth

1. And lo, it came to pass that Ehud sent the mighty warriors
of Israel, the sons and even the daughters of Israel, indeed
all the children of Israel who could carry a sword or ride
in an chariot of iron, into the land of Le-ban-on.

2. And Ehud spake unto the children of Israel in this wise: O
children of Israel, the time hath come for the smiting that
will end all smiting.

3. For too many years the Hez-boll-ites have been an thorn
in our flesh, like unto the scorpion that creepeth up in
the night and stingeth a man in his foot, yea, even before
he can lay his hand upon the flip-flop beneath his bed in
order to smite it dead.

4. Talking of which, Ehud concluded, it is time for some
serious smiting, even the final day of reckoning with the
Hez-boll-ites.

5. Ye are to go into the land of the cedars of Lib-anus and
smite all that moveth -not just the Hez-boll-ites but also
the Leb-anites (who may be no friends to the Hez-boll-ites
but that is just the luck that is called tough) and indeed
anyone else who getteth in our way.

6. And the children of Israel saith unto themselves, yea, it
will all be over in seven days.

7. And it will be like unto an piece of cake.

8. So the warriors of Israel went forth into the land of Leb-
an-on to do as they had been commanded by Ehud, the
son of Sharon.

9. But, lo, it was not as it had been foretold by Ehud.

10. For the Hez-boll-ites had hidden themselves privily, in
caves and holes in the ground, like unto the cunning fox
which concealeth itself by day and, when night comes,
jumpeth out and fireth an rocket at Haifa.

11. And so it was with the Hez-boll-ites. And the children
of Israel found themselves on the receiving end of the
smiting, for an change.

12. And in the streets of Haifa there was much wailing and
gnashing of teeth.

13. For many had been slain, even men, women and children.

14. Though not as many as the Leb-anites, men, women and
children, who had been slain by the sons of Israel.

15. And so it continueth for six days. And on the seventh day
Ehud looked upon what he had done and said, "This is
not good."

16. And he cried aloud, cursing the Hez-boll-ites with an
mighty curse, saying, "This goeth not according to plan.

17. "So now it is time for the plan that is called B -that is to
say more smiting."

18. And where Ehud had smote an hundred-fold, he now
smote an thousand-fold, even the cities of Tyre and Sidon,
and many others too numerous to mention (but they are
all named in the Bible).

19. And among those who were smitten were the sons of Un
who are called the makers of peace. "

20. But, lo, the Hez-boll-ites were still there, like unto the
nettle of the desert which, the more it is cut down, the
more it groweth up to sting again.

12. And the children of Israel muttereth among themselves
saying, "Verily this Ehud hath been put to the test and
hath been found sorely wanting.

22. "For even Sharon, who sleepeth like unto one who is
dead, would make a better fist of it."

23. And Ehud took counsel with himself, asking what he
should now do.

24. What, he asketh, would Sharon have done if he were
standing in my shoes?

25. And the answer cameth to him as follows: "I know -all
that is needed is more smiting."

The Book of Ehud (Today's Bible lesson)
Source: Private Eye (UK)
http://www.private-eye.co.uk/

Greg W
13-08-2006, 00:47:54
Summary!

Gary
14-08-2006, 07:50:44
Private Eye did a very similar one a few years back. Not much changes in the world it seems.