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paiktis22
24-06-2006, 23:36:05
Diary #4 discovering the environemnt

I went out with this girl tonight that insists on calling me her "little brother". Which is by no means hurtful since I would never contemplate having a relationship with her (makes my grandmother look progressive) but is also not completely inoffensive since I would have a minor problem considering her my kin. Although, on second thought, there are far worse among us. Anyway she's rather attractive but conforms to social norms that even though they are the standard, they are completely alien to me.

We haven't seen eachother for along time and it was interesting to talk again, see what went on with our lives. We have some comon artistic taste which is great we are going to see a show on the ancient theater of epidaurus together too in a few days. She's definitely not in the hawl dogs hawl musical variety.

She's a worthwhile girl and we can communicate although we disagree. She has had a marriage, divorce in 6 months. Her husband, 10 years older, was apparently too possesive of her. However she didn't love him, she told me as much, she saw him as an investment.

That further solidifies my view on what a succesful marriage is about. There are contracts. And there are people that are happy with them. When you dance not because you feel like it but rather because you have to, it shows.
I have gradually come to the realisation that some women are incapable of loving. Even if they are not the mindslut kind who measure most things by how much possessions one has. There is another kind that just can't love. And that's ot because they are bad persons or even emotionally incapable. It's just because they don't let themselves free. They comform too much. They make way too many consessions. They can't love because they pressure themselves into accepting things that they don't want but are afraid to admit it to themselves and then they hate themselves and the other person for accepting them. And they always feel let down the poor sods. It's a matter of not listening to your heart. Not wanting to let yourself free.

There's such a motive yes. And that's because basically they don't see the other person as a whole. Thank God there are dozens of women who do and god bless each one of them. But maybe the majority doesn't operate this way. They cut the other one to pieces and evaluate each of them. And the vast importance to this type of women is stability and even more to know for sure that they have you. When one of those shakes, they feel let down. An investment gone bad.
That's why they never stick with a guy. So was the case of my by ephemism "older sister" and of many others. I'm not judging her saying her ex - husband was right, I'm saying she choses poorly because she doesn't choose wisely. (it's the cup of a carpenter!).
She doesn't chose freely.
To make something stick for a long time or even a life time you need something much much more than the fulfilment of some contractual decriptions.
You need to be in love with the guy. Not because of what he has, who he seems to be. Not because of your estimate of his faithfulness or stability. But rather because you know him and you know him deeply and because you like what you see and even because you love him.
How can a man not treat you like garbage when it's actually you who sells yourself and sell it dearly for contractual prescriptions?
A man can usually understand when he's being loved and when he's seen as a very good investment. Fuck investmens really! And he will treat you exactly like you treated yourself. Like a dumb ass desperate investor.

That's why women like these will never find love and never find marital hapiness. How can you marry someone who's a good investment?

I can't feel pity for such people. They wholesomely bring it to themselves. It's better to love truely even if this could destroy you than live a prescribed, safe life behind blinders and proceed on the basis of evaluating an investment.

Everything stand on the norm for them.
I only know one girl that escapes that rule and she says she loves me even though I can't reciprocate this love to the extend she wants. But I believe that anyone who's with her is a lucky man because she is a true human being. Actually if I ever saw myself marrying someone it would be her. She accepts and when she says she loves, she loves. She loves someone for who he is not what she wants him to be.
All others are investment hoax.
yep.