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View Full Version : The breaking up and moving on thread (and other life updates)


Greg W
22-06-2006, 08:04:39
I hate the former, and look forward to the latter. So, onto more tales from the resident Drama Queen of CG(tm).

Been dating a girl now for almost 8 months. She's sweet, kind and caring. And thinks the sun shines out of my arse. Literally, she thinks I am Romeo reincarnate or something.

But there's just something missing. She's too negative about herself (lack of self confidence basically). She still smokes, despite me telling her how much I dislike it, though to be fair, she's careful to take mints and the like to cover it up. She's taken up Uni two days per week, and often works the other 5 days, despite realising that she's working too much. Which means she's constantly stressed and tired.

So, after much deliberation (a month or more), I realised she's not for me. I like her and all, but I'm not sure I could spend the rest of my days with her. So. About a week or two ago I decide enough is enough. Problem being that she's got Uni exams on yesterday and today. So, I put it off for those two weeks, wanting to give her the best chance she can have at passing.

From what she told me of when she broke up with her previous BF, she's going to be a mess for a while. Though, he did break up with her via SMS after having an affair with his (male) campus mate, while she was (unbeknownst to him) recently pregnant to him. She was so distressed that she lost the child. :(

Only problem being that she's cottoned onto the fact there's something wrong. I'm not surprised really, I'm sure that I haven't covered things up all that well. And I have no idea what I am going to tell her about why I'm breaking it off. I could go for the truth, as listed above. But I think that'd be about the worst possible blow to her self confidence that I could give, and her self confidence is bad enough to begin with.

I could just say "Sorry, I have decided that you're not the right person for me" and offer no explanation. But then what if she asks the inevitable "why"?

Or I could make up some other reason. Like an old girlfriend who I still have deep feelings for or something (though I'd be going back 13 years to find one prior to my ex-wife). Which is not a line I am comfortable with.

So, as much as I want to do this as kindly as possible, I can't see me pulling it off (...waits for the bad puns...) without hurting her, which I suppose I am bound to do anyway. I mean, she's really nice, I just don't think she's right for me in the long term.

On the good side, a couple of days ago I asked out the lady who was my Real Estate Agent while I was renting before I purchased my new place, and we're going out for drinks tomorrow night. From what I have seen of her, she's very nice, and kinda cute. She's short, which is good, I like being able to put my arms around a girl's shoulders without dislocating them. :beer:

Oh, and my divorce case went through the courts a few weeks ago, so in a week or two I'll have the decree nisci, and be a free man again. With a newly purchased 3 bedrroom villa in North Parramatta which I am in tht process of preparing for repainting. :beer:

Oh, and I think I have watched about 15 matches from the World Cup. In Full. I think I am in Football Overdose. :bounce: :beer: :bounce:

mr_G
22-06-2006, 08:09:23
I could just say "Sorry, I have decided that you're not the right person for me" and offer no explanation. But then what if she asks the inevitable "why"?
that's the right way greg, you're honest.
and if she pops up the why thing just say DHY!!!!!
ok seriously serious, then you say: well that's how i feel, that's like the girliest answer you can give and it will knock her socks off.

succes and :beer:

shagnasty
22-06-2006, 08:12:04
Get in there quick before she pulls the pregnant thing. If she thinks something is going on she may do it. :wink:

Kitsuki
22-06-2006, 08:23:35
Originally posted by Greg W
I could just say "Sorry, I have decided that you're not the right person for me" and offer no explanation. But then what if she asks the inevitable "why"?

Well, why not give her the why....? Be honest, be kind, flatter her good points, but be honest... There is nothing worse than not knowing why...

Or I could make up some other reason. Like an old girlfriend who I still have deep feelings for or something (though I'd be going back 13 years to find one prior to my ex-wife). Which is not a line I am comfortable with.

Mate, this is lame and will then make the girl feel inferior. Would it hurt to tell her that she is a marvellous person, but just not the one for you? Rather than saying, sorry, been together 8 months but I'm thinking of a girlfriend from years ago?

So, as much as I want to do this as kindly as possible, I can't see me pulling it off (...waits for the bad puns...) without hurting her, which I suppose I am bound to do anyway. I mean, she's really nice, I just don't think she's right for me in the long term.


Of course you will hurt her, breaking up does that after time - but from the stories you were telling about her ex, its the dishonesty that probably hurt her a lot more.... I think honesty is the best course. :)

Asher
22-06-2006, 08:25:29
-----------> www.myspace.com

Tizzy
22-06-2006, 08:26:57
^ what they said.
Just be honest, it's the best way.
And tell her before you go out with the new girl.

Kitsuki
22-06-2006, 08:28:22
Originally posted by Tizzy

And tell her before you go out with the new girl.

Yes, I missed off this point. Don't go seeing someone else before you say anything because then you are being very lame and not all that different from the bastard ex of hers....

mr_G
22-06-2006, 08:32:25
Originally posted by Asher
-----------> www.myspace.com i'm not going to your space EVAH!!!!
you can knot that in your ears mannetje!!

Greg W
22-06-2006, 08:47:31
Yeah, honesty is first and foremost amongst my thoughts (not sure if that came out above). I just worry that it's going to crush the poor girl. Oh well, I suppose in the end it would be best. I think it's just the putting it off for two weeks so she could finish her exams that have me thinking of bizarre excuses. Or more to the point, ways of hurting her as little as possible.

Tizzy
22-06-2006, 08:56:41
Unfortunately, she's going to be hurt anyway, no matter when or how you tell her.

Gary
22-06-2006, 09:33:41
I could just say "Sorry, I have decided that you're not the right person for me" and offer no explanation. But then what if she asks the inevitable "why"?Seems best.

The answer to, "why ?", is, "I don't know, I just know it doesn't feel right inside", or words to that effect.

Since you are sure you have to move on then you want to steer well away from analysis. Folk don't tend to want their loved one to break off with them (No Really !) so will want to put 'right' whatever's thought to be 'wrong'. If you're sure there is nothing that can be fixed and make you change your mind, then don't willingly go there.

Fistandantilus
22-06-2006, 09:53:47
Originally posted by Tizzy
Unfortunately, she's going to be hurt anyway, no matter when or how you tell her.

So the answer is to kill her. Quickly.

Greg W
22-06-2006, 10:44:10
Originally posted by Tizzy
And tell her before you go out with the new girl. Well, managed to achieve that part anyway.

I tried calling her to arrange a face to face, but it went through to voicemail. Lets just say that my message was a tad lame and gave the game away. Not on purpose, I was just so awkward that it came through. So she calls me back, and in one of those weird moments, I ended up telling her over the phone cos she couldn't decide whether she wanted to see me face to face or not. Or something.

She told me that she had known something was up for a while, and would have preferred that I told her earlier, and not stuffed around for two weeks. Oh well, mea culpa I suppose.

Just told her the truth in the end. I think I was more upset about hurting her than she was to hear it. Or she just held up very well on the phone. Probably the latter I imagine, but she did take it well.

mr_G
22-06-2006, 10:46:11
well done G now go get a :beer:

mr_G
22-06-2006, 10:47:36
and hey, never mind the weather.
now i guess MoSe will give you some bad advice about using the phone and all.
And venom would tell you a shotgun is the proper way to end it.

Greg W
22-06-2006, 10:54:01
Originally posted by mr_G
well done G now go get a :beer: You read my mind. :beer:

Qaj the Fuzzy Love Worm
22-06-2006, 22:54:23
You should have waited for advice from Paiktis, he's good with women.

Christoph
23-06-2006, 00:11:49
Originally posted by Greg W

Been dating a girl now for almost 8 months. She's sweet, kind and caring. And thinks the sun shines out of my arse. Literally, she thinks I am Romeo reincarnate or something.

But there's just something missing. She's too negative about herself (lack of self confidence basically).

Almost the same situation with my girlfriend who I've been with 9 months today, I sometimes get that horrible feeling that I don't love her anymore, but then when I see her it comes back.

Just wondering why that happens, I'm totally smitten over her but I sometimes feel that way and it's really shit of me.

Chris
23-06-2006, 00:56:40
Can't be bothered to read all this crap.

I'll just assume Greg admitted he likes it up the ass and go from there.

Qaj the Fuzzy Love Worm
23-06-2006, 02:09:58
That's pretty damn close.

devilmunchkin
23-06-2006, 03:51:48
Be honest. I'd agree with that.

I'm facing breaking up with the guy I've been with for 3 years. I've had to tell him over and over "i love you but not the way you want me to." I don't say it harshly. I keep thinking that if i say it enough times he might realize, but it's not clicking yet. He says we're dating, i say we're in the breaking up phase. We apparently have a difference of opinion on where we stand.

The only thing I wouldn't do is mention the other woman. That might gut her a bit.

JM^3
23-06-2006, 03:55:13
3 years is a pretty long relationship...

JM

devilmunchkin
23-06-2006, 04:02:38
for someone my age, yes.

Greg W
23-06-2006, 04:57:22
3 Years? Long? Ah, to be young and carefree again, instead of old and jaded like me. ;)
Originally posted by devilmunchkin
The only thing I wouldn't do is mention the other woman. That might gut her a bit. I do have some tact. :cute:

Went over her place and had a good talk with her today about it all. She started off all angry with me for not telling her 2-3 weeks ago, when she first picked up ont he fact something was wrong. I explained that I only stretched it out because I didn't want to upset her exam preparation, but it took some convincing before I think she believed me. Something about how could I lie to her for 2-3 weeks.

Ah, the best of intentions sometimes go astray.

In the end, she seemed to feel a bit better about it by the time I left, though it was hard to tell at times from the tears I kept on having to wipe off her cheeks.

Spartak@CPH
23-06-2006, 05:17:01
Ouch.

Qaj the Fuzzy Love Worm
23-06-2006, 05:24:10
Originally posted by Greg W
...from the tears I kept on having to wipe off her cheeks.

This strikes me as sending mixed signals, but what the hell do I know? I'm married :)

Koshko
23-06-2006, 05:57:40
Your first post exceeded my attention span, so I'll just nod politely.

devilmunchkin
23-06-2006, 06:26:39
You know, her reaction reminds me of what mine would have been. See, this was a loose loose situation. No matter what you said, she was going to get upset. If you'd told her right away she'd be upset at you dumping her during finals. You waited and she's upset because you didn't tell her.

Qaj the Fuzzy Love Worm
23-06-2006, 06:27:23
Pbft. Women.

Spartak@CPH
23-06-2006, 07:57:45
Is that you or LOC posting that?

paiktis22
23-06-2006, 12:11:44
Truth! Always the truth!

Venom
23-06-2006, 12:16:46
So much to laugh at in Greg's original post. :lol:

mr_G
23-06-2006, 12:18:45
:lol: you are so sick

MDA
23-06-2006, 13:32:35
umm

Nice job, Snowden. :p

Japher
23-06-2006, 13:34:58
did you get any break up sex?

Chris
23-06-2006, 15:01:22
The anal kind obviously.

MoSe
23-06-2006, 15:04:22
Originally posted by mr_G
now i guess MoSe will give you some bad advice about using the phone and all.


????

I'd never come up with such cruelty
unless Greg lacks a style and a dignity to defend

Qaj the Fuzzy Love Worm
23-06-2006, 20:52:37
Originally posted by Spartak@CPH
Is that you or LOC posting that?

It's me. Make of that what you will :)

devilmunchkin
23-06-2006, 21:28:01
break up sex is bad bad bad.

Chris
23-06-2006, 21:29:30
Especailly if he's by himself.

Greg W
24-06-2006, 04:27:57
Originally posted by MoSe
unless Greg lacks a style and a dignity to defend An Aussie with style and dignity? :confused:

No break up sex.

Date last night went well. Talked for about 4 hours, and we seemed to agree on pretty much everything, from musical taste, to opinions on ferrals that we both encounter as part of our jobs, to the fact she actually understands and likes watching football (we were both at the final of the A-League in fact). She drinks beer, which is good. :beer:

Oh, and she's been jogging a bit recently, so hopefully she'll be very fit soon. :cute: :nervous:

Chris
24-06-2006, 14:18:06
Hamslamer.

Spartak@CPH
24-06-2006, 14:47:13
You mean she isn't fit now?

Oerdin
24-06-2006, 16:52:12
Originally posted by Greg W
So she calls me back, and in one of those weird moments, I ended up telling her over the phone cos she couldn't decide whether she wanted to see me face to face or not.

Seriously bad show. Somethings just need to be sad in person.

Greg W
25-06-2006, 03:18:26
It was sad in person or over the phone really. ;)

But yes, I know what you mean. Had to be there I suppose, though I am not proud of it.