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devilmunchkin
06-06-2006, 17:03:13
found out last night. her arteries are hardening. She's 94. They don't know if she's got a week, a month..months..they just know she doesn't have another year. :( and i won't get to see her again.

JM^3
06-06-2006, 18:05:23
:(

I think I am down to two left.

JM

The Norks
06-06-2006, 18:39:13
Sorry to hear that DM- why won't you see her again? You might be surprised how people can hang on beyond the odds. My grandad had an emergency triple heart bypass after his aorta burst at 80 yrs, and we were told that a 20 year old man would have a 2% chance of survival- in the end he recovered and lived to 92, dying peacefully in his sleep. I think determination has a lot to do with it.
If it is your GG's time to go, try not to be sad but try to be happy for the relationship you had, and to remember her.

((((hugs))))

devilmunchkin
06-06-2006, 18:42:45
i won't see her because she's in texas and i'm in california and the probability that i will have the money or time is slim. i may try around christmas...

The Norks
06-06-2006, 18:57:42
would one of your parents or a sibling help you out? If you cant get there, you could call her more often or write to her perhaps?

devilmunchkin
06-06-2006, 19:00:41
probably will do that too.

JM^3
06-06-2006, 19:01:03
I saw the one who died most recently (I think, there are some parts of the family that I don't communicate with often) for a bit before I moved out East (she lived in Minnesota).

It was good.

Jon Miller

Darkstar
06-06-2006, 21:03:35
Sorry to hear that, DM.

Can you get the time off to go see her? Should be pretty cheap to get a bus ticket from Cali to Texas.

devilmunchkin
06-06-2006, 22:25:02
not with work and school coming. i might try and go over the christmas holidays unless she starts getting really serious before that.

Koyaanisqatsi
06-06-2006, 22:45:21
:(

devilmunchkin
06-06-2006, 22:48:35
it seems odd, you know? my great great grandma died when i was 5. and now here i am, 25 and her daughter is dying. granted my papa went out of order and died about 12 years ago...

Darkstar
06-06-2006, 22:50:45
*hugs*

devilmunchkin
06-06-2006, 22:53:49
*hugs back*

her name is Vera. She is a painter though not for many years. She also likes latch hook and is obsessed with the Houstin Astros and very much the San Antonio Spurs. She hates to miss a Spurs game.

devilmunchkin
06-06-2006, 22:56:20
this is a picture of us from about 3 years ago:

http://i52.photobucket.com/albums/g6/devilmunchkin/mengrandma2_0001.jpg

JM^3
06-06-2006, 23:01:50
You look so scary

JM

devilmunchkin
06-06-2006, 23:37:00
that's not nice.... :(

Diss
06-06-2006, 23:38:39
she's not scary. I can kick her ass. :)

KrazyHorse@home
07-06-2006, 00:42:08
Originally posted by JM^3
:(

I think I am down to two left.

JM

You have 2 great grandparents left?

I have no great grandparents and no grandparents left. I'm fucked.

Sorry to hear that, DM...

Diss
07-06-2006, 01:12:59
I have never known my great granparents. They were dead long before I was born.

I knew my grandmother on my fathers side a little. And my granmother on my mother's side only met once. They both kind of scared me. Old people just scare me, what can I say. :)

Never known any grandfathers. They were all dead and gone before I was around.

Greg W
07-06-2006, 01:55:14
Originally posted by JM^3
You look so scary

JM Jeese Jon, learn a little bit of tact? :mad: I can't see anything even remotely scary looking about her, only a young lady that obviously lover her great grandmother a lot.

Sorry to hear that dm. Back when my last remaining great grandparent (my great grandmother) passed away, it was heartbreaking. I think the worst thing was that she got alzheimers, and got to the stage where she didn't recognise her own daughter. I was the last person to see her in a semi-coherant state, and even then, it was still such a sad way to remember her.

I held her hand for a couple of hours while she talked about stuff that nobody in the family recognised. Like being in a house that was on fire, and leading some (other?) children out of it. She lived a futher couple of months, but she never spoke in an even vaguelly sensible way to anyone again. And I'm not even sure that she recognised me.

All I can say is - if you really want to see her, then move heaven and earth to do so. You don't want to look back and regret not having gone and seen her. Stuff work and college - in 10 years you won't regret taking a couple of days off to go see her. But you will regret it if you don't get to see her before she passes away. To this day I still regret not seeing my grandfather before he passed away. I had legitimate reasons that I couldn't make it, but that doesn't change the feelings.

Family >>>>>>>>>> work or college.

*hug*

Qaj the Fuzzy Love Worm
07-06-2006, 02:22:20
Doctors can be wrong. Don't count on it, but don't lose hope. And don't give up on her yet - she's still here, after all :) If there's one thing I'e learned from both my grandmothers, it's that old ladies can be surprisingly tough! And stubborn!

JM^3
07-06-2006, 03:29:55
It was meant to be a goth joke. I never seem to do it right.


Ah well, I apologise, I won't do it again.

JM

JM^3
07-06-2006, 03:30:23
Originally posted by devilmunchkin
that's not nice.... :(

I am sorry.

JM

devilmunchkin
07-06-2006, 05:13:50
no worries. i really didn't give it much thought.

clarification: i talked to my aunt tonight who said it is not her artieries that are hardening. It is one of the chambers of her heart. As such, she really could go at any time. they just really have no idea. They have no told my grandma this.

Because her heart isn't able to pump like it should, her brain isn't getting as much oxygen as it needs. She's having hallucinations periodically. She sees children around her and once in a awhile and insects that arn't there. these periods will last about 10-15 minutes when they occur. she's with it enough to know that they arn't real and it scares her.

her heart is also slowing down just enough sometimes so that her pacemaker kicks in. then her heart will start beating too fast for about 20 minutes and she gets really light headed.

the doctors say all of this is only going to get worse. i will have to get down there.

JM^3
07-06-2006, 05:19:52
Ouch. I really tihnk old people should be treated like adults. I was pretty much the only one who really sat and listened to my great grandmother while I was there (everyone else just wanted pictures and some 'quality' time but wasn't really interested in listening to her), and it annoyed me. She was tired of living, actually. What I mean by this is that she should be told.

I recommend you head soon, then (if you have a car, it could be a weekend trip?).

Jon Miller

devilmunchkin
07-06-2006, 05:23:13
my parents are going to be here tomorrow. we'll see from there.

i don't know why they arn't telling her ... part of me wonders if i would want to be told if i was going to die.

the funny thing is, even though the doctors haven't told her, she knows something is up. She says things like "my heart is getting old."

i think she is and isn't tired of living. she is christian, so she is looking forward to the idea of joining my great grandfather and my papa and her deceased family. at the same time, she doesn't want to leave her exising family behind.

mr_G
07-06-2006, 06:32:10
hang in there muffin!

Chris
07-06-2006, 06:44:09
Like mr G says, hang in there kiddo, where there is life there is hope.

Tizzy
07-06-2006, 08:16:21
Sorry to hear that dm. As the guys said, hang in there, and if there's any possible way to go and see her then do.
Seeing my grandpa the day before he died last year was one of the hardest things I've ever done but I'm glad I did.

Gary
07-06-2006, 09:42:47
Sorry :(

Drekkus
07-06-2006, 10:11:34
My grandmother died a month ago, aged 97. I'm a selfish bastard who never gave much about my grandparents, but I'm really glad I visited her a week before she died to tell her about her great grandson, and to say goodbye.

Kitsuki
07-06-2006, 10:14:32
Im awfully sorry to hear that DM.... :(

My advice would be to go visit her... You might regret it if you put it off or so on... I did that with one of my grandmothers and really regret it... Didnt make the same mistake with my other granny.

Lazarus and the Gimp
07-06-2006, 16:39:56
This might be a discordant note, but I didn't see any of my grandparents in their last stages. The two still around while I was an adult both went from "strong as an ox" to "incredibly frail" very swiftly, and died before I saw them.

To be quite honest, I think it was better that way. Neither would have recognised me, and I only ever remember them as active and content. I don't feel any guilt about it.

The Norks
07-06-2006, 17:53:16
Originally posted by devilmunchkin
no worries. i really didn't give it much thought.

clarification: i talked to my aunt tonight who said it is not her artieries that are hardening. It is one of the chambers of her heart. As such, she really could go at any time. they just really have no idea. They have no told my grandma this.

Because her heart isn't able to pump like it should, her brain isn't getting as much oxygen as it needs. She's having hallucinations periodically. She sees children around her and once in a awhile and insects that arn't there. these periods will last about 10-15 minutes when they occur. she's with it enough to know that they arn't real and it scares her.

her heart is also slowing down just enough sometimes so that her pacemaker kicks in. then her heart will start beating too fast for about 20 minutes and she gets really light headed.

the doctors say all of this is only going to get worse. i will have to get down there.

ahhhhh... this makes more sense. My Nan has the same thing (she's 90 this year). officially they call it heart failure, and I was similarly scared, but they said she could last another 5 years given the right circumstances, or more. hardening of the heart is basically what happens to us all if we live that long, its the body winding down. I know that isn't terrifically comforting, but what I'm trying to say is that its probably not as urgent as you've been thinking. My Nan is on various pills and that's all they can do really but she was looking chipper when I saw her last weekend, and she has a hectic schedule of jet setting around surrey and london visiting relatives! I think if someone has the will to live, they can carry on for much longer than expected. We haven't told her either, and I was upset about it at first, but to be honest, I think that as soon as someone expects to die, they do, so its better this way, and there's no point scaring her. She has also seen strange things, but I didn't know that's what caused it.

Anyway, don't freak out, try and see her if you can. i was meant to see my Grandad the day after he died, and have regretted it ever since as he didnt know I was coming to see him and I can't bear that he might have thought I forgot about him. I did have a dream later on where he said he was happy and that he didn't mind, but it would have been better to see him for real.

Darkstar
07-06-2006, 20:23:33
Drekkus, sorry to hear that.

DM, it's a tough thing, but you should go if you get the slightest bit of chance. Even if you have to grab a crow bar and a jack hammer to make that chance.

paiktis22
08-06-2006, 01:19:57
my grandfather on my mother side passed away after a long ordeal in the hospitals. we were very close. he asked me to take him away from there because he wanted to die at his home not between some white walls surrounded by strangers. a wish he got. all the time he was in the hospital there was always some member of the family with him. i miss him dearly but also had a sense of completion of life after he passed away. things that are important and things that are not. even with his death he taught me things.

on my father's side i only have two recollections. one was when i was 13 he told me not to be disrespectful of my father (yeah right). and the second was when i was 15. he invited me and my mother at his house, treated us with lambchops served in oily paper (which i thought was cheap untill i've heard that was the correct way to serve them) and told me to get a job in the public sector. rain or sun you'll have your pay check. don't miss him at all but he was a tall bastard and that's where i inherited it.
that's about it.

grandmother on dad's side i miss her. they didn't even invite me to her funeral (nor at my grandfather's). but i have vague recollections of a kind woman being exploited by her husband and later her son.
my grandmother on my mother side she's alive and kicking and sparky as always. but if a doctor was not at home when my grandfather passed away and injected her with a tranquiliser medecine we would have lost her right there with him. after 58 years of marriage together... i actually smashed a car with my fists when they called me to tell me my grandfather died. nomatter what you're never really prepared for something like that.