PDA

View Full Version : Joke thread


alsieboo
24-05-2006, 19:26:03
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan Officer.
She says she's going to Europe on business for three weeks and needs to
borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of
security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls
Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the
title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as
collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a
good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a
$5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into
the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Three weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest,
which comes to $18.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to
have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very well, but
we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found
that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to
borrow $5,000?"

The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for
three weeks for only $18.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
Finally, a smart blonde joke!

Ethel was a bit of a speed-demon in her wheelchair and loved to charge
around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel, and getting up to
maximum speed on the long corridors.

Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic, the other
residents tolerated her, and some of the males actually joined in.

One day, Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky
Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. "STOP!" he shouted in a
firm
voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?"

Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat candy wrapper,
and held it up to him.

"OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.

As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, Weird Fred popped
out in front of her and shouted "STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?"

Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster, and held it up to
him.

Fred nodded and said "That's fine. Carry on, ma'am."

As Ethel neared the final corridor before the front door, Crazy Craig
stepped out in front of her, stark naked, with a huge erection.

Oh, for crying out loud!" cried Ethel, "Not the Breathalyzer again!"

JM^3
24-05-2006, 20:11:50
I have heard both of those.

JM

Cruddy
24-05-2006, 22:14:09
I hadn't heard the blonde one.

Here's an Ethnic one... not racist, but social difference kind of joke.

A Hindu, a Muslim, and a Sikh are all on holiday in the Big Apple. They're strolling down Broadway, fresh from the hotel, when they're threatened by a junkie mugger.

"Give me your money or you get THIS" (brandishes a blood filled syringe). "I'm HIV+, one of you is sure to die if you refuse".

The Hindu says, "A 1000 curses from Shiva on you", throws his wallet down, and runs away.

The Muslim says "May Allah curse you and all your family with blindness", throws his wallet down, and runs away.

The Sikh says "I worked hard for my money. You're not having it."

"WHAT!?" screams the junkie, stabs him with the syringe, grabs the wallets on the ground and runs away.

Later the 3 workmates meet up back at the hotel. The Hindu and Muslim are very worried about their friend.

"Did you pay? Did you run? Did you fight?"

"Oh" says the Sikh, "He wasn't a real threat. I was prepared for that. He stabbed me, but I'd taken precautions."

"But there's no cure! You'll die for sure" say the others.

"Hah! I'm not a superstititious fool, I've studied these things. I'll be fine."

"But why?"

"Because I was wearing a condom at the time."

JM^3
24-05-2006, 23:41:22
I heard the blond one here...
(maybe from Alsie)

JM

LoD
24-05-2006, 23:48:06
Originally posted by alsieboo
Finally, a smart blonde joke!

Well I wonder why the bank staff hasn't seen anything fishy in getting a loan in $ for a trip to Europe :p.

Chris
25-05-2006, 00:15:13
"hey, what did one condem say to the other in front of the gay bar?"

"Let''s go in and get shit faced!"