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MattHiggs
18-05-2006, 20:54:03
The contestants so far:


Dumb ugly tart. (Jade Goody anyone?)

Spastic 'rock n roll' man. (Comedy potential)

Posh student male who probably isn't as posh as he makes out. (Yawn)

Scottish Paki Puff. (His words not mine)

Quite nice looking Welsh girl. (probably as entertaining as a brick)

Scouse male model who claims to be very sexist. (probably be a pussy in the house)

Depressing black woman. (this years Ahmed?)

Mutton dressed as mutton!

Naturist Welsh guy. (ZZZZZzzzzzzz)

Canadian queer necrophiliac Dale Winton .

Posh female dance student with no personality - good looking though!

The token freak from Manchester - Thanks Big Brother!

Ceaser the Geezer, I can see the fuckin' awful puns in the tabloids now.

Tart who's life aspiration is to marry someone rich - good luck.

I usually hate Big Brother, especially Davina McCall, every year up until about week 6 when it starts to get addictive :(

Nav
18-05-2006, 22:23:53
Glad i missed it, went to see the da vinci code instead! ;)

fp
19-05-2006, 06:43:09
"Tart who's life aspiration is to marry someone rich - good luck."

It worked for Chantelle.

Funko
19-05-2006, 08:12:27
He's only in The Ordinary boys, I bet she's making more money than him.

After last nights show, Pete the Tourettes guy to win! :beer:

Tizzy
19-05-2006, 08:23:37
I can't wait for the bit where Davina says "you are live on channel 4, please do not swear" :lol:

King_Ghidra
19-05-2006, 08:27:07
Originally posted by Nav
Glad i missed it, went to see the da vinci code instead! ;)

:lol:

Scabrous Birdseed
19-05-2006, 08:34:21
Swedish-Norwegian big brother went in the course of about three seasons from semi-balanced, psychologist-evaluated reality soap to being a complete tits-out freakshow. This year all the contestants, every single one of them, are extremely low self-esteem twenty-somethings who take out their insecurity through sex, bullying and drinking heavily. There's been about fifteen sexual encounters in the house so far, the first one after less than 24 hours.

Provost Harrison
19-05-2006, 09:34:55
Needless to say, like the previous 1013 Big Brothers, I will not be watching it...

King_Ghidra
19-05-2006, 10:14:18
if it was needless to say, why did you feel the need to say it?

Funko
19-05-2006, 10:16:38
Every year you get the "I never watch that awful trash, why is it even on TV" etc. etc. whinging from the same people.

Funko
19-05-2006, 10:21:02
There was even a Guardian blog about it yesterday. ;)

http://blogs.guardian.co.uk/organgrinder/2006/05/big_brother_or_world_cup.html#more

maroule
19-05-2006, 10:36:19
I hate wankers who don't post links to videos of norwegian-swedish sexual encouters for the enjoyment of all

Provost Harrison
19-05-2006, 11:01:55
Originally posted by King_Ghidra
if it was needless to say, why did you feel the need to say it?

I don't feel the need to say anything here, but I do ;)

fp
19-05-2006, 12:33:42
Originally posted by Funko
Every year you get the "I never watch that awful trash, why is it even on TV" etc. etc. whinging from the same people.

They doth protest too much, methinks.

Immortal Wombat
19-05-2006, 12:36:43
Nobody has protested at all, yet. :confused:

fp
19-05-2006, 12:38:47
Not here they haven't, but I wasn't talking exclusively about this site and I didn't think Funko was either. Some of the people I know who go on and on about how terrible BB is seem to know an awful lot about what is happening on it.

Funko
19-05-2006, 12:39:54
jesjes. Exactly.

I think it's the human need to be part of the group, even if it's just moaning about what everyone else is talking about.

fp
19-05-2006, 12:40:57
Originally posted by Funko
He's only in The Ordinary boys, I bet she's making more money than him.


But she probably wouldn't be richer than him if she hadn't started going out with him.... if that makes sense. Her fame and popularity (and therefore wealth, since she has no talent) are pretty much based on their love affair.

Funko
19-05-2006, 12:54:24
Marry someone famous != marry someone rich though.

Snotty
19-05-2006, 13:54:51
Was going to watch it kick off last night but fell asleep

I am sure Im going to be glued to the e4 live feed, much like every year.

Tizzy
19-05-2006, 13:56:45
The live feed annoys me too much because they have to cut the sound so often.

King_Ghidra
19-05-2006, 13:59:47
yeah that sucks, especially as you just know that it would be the most interesting stuff

Snotty
19-05-2006, 14:11:40
Yeah it blows hard, especially when theres loads of people in the house

I couldnt sit and watch the live feed, but leave it on in the background all day and you will hear a few interesting things. Its a lot less repetative than the news anyway

shagnasty
19-05-2006, 15:59:54
Every year they bang on about this shite-hawk of programme being the "raunchiest BB so far". What utter bollox. Every time it looks like a bit of pokey action might actually make the programme entertaining, channel 4 switch it off, then the papers the next day start screaming and shouting about how disgusting it is, including the Daily Star all the while printing pics of some silly tart with her saggy norks flapping around her knees and the token "not-out" poof running round in high heels bollock naked with his knob tucked up his own arse.

Quality programming? I think jolly not.

Tizzy
19-05-2006, 16:03:28
You're a fan then?

shagnasty
19-05-2006, 16:05:56
I try to disassociate myself completely from it but when it is plastered absolutley everywhere you look, there is no escaping it. Even mrs nasty has agreed not to watch it while i'm in the house, bless her cotton sockies.

Funko
19-05-2006, 16:06:37
Could so easily be talking about the World Cup. :lol:

Tizzy
19-05-2006, 16:08:28
Except there really is no escaping that

shagnasty
19-05-2006, 16:10:44
At least the World Cup has a point.

Funko
19-05-2006, 16:16:02
To find a winner? To entertain the masses?

Lazarus and the Gimp
19-05-2006, 16:20:05
The plastic surgery horrorshow blonde is the same age as me, yet after 35,000 of cosmetic surgery she looks old enough to be my grandmother.

Fistandantilus
19-05-2006, 16:21:59
They should make a Big Brother special edition involving all the Big Brother winners in the different european nations.
Then call it the Big Brother World Cup and achieve the non plus ultra of entertainment.

Funko
19-05-2006, 16:24:22
I need to get on the phone to Endemol right now!

Lazarus and the Gimp
19-05-2006, 16:26:12
It would be far more entertaining to use all the ones who got booted out first.

shagnasty
19-05-2006, 16:29:18
Originally posted by Fistandantilus
They should make a Big Brother special edition involving all the Big Brother winners in the different european nations.
Then call it the Big Brother World Cup and achieve the non plus ultra of entertainment.

And then tell the Americans that they are going to invade a small worthless country, then we can all watch as they get bombed to buggery and back. YAAAAAY:bounce: :bounce:

Fistandantilus
19-05-2006, 16:39:10
Reminds me of the italian guy "Renato" who participated the BB Hungary and during the entire permanence in the house was heavily insulting everyone else in italian just because nobody could understand him.

At the end of the show he got the mic and yelled "Fuck God, fuck Mary.. ecc". the crowd did not understan a word and cheered him tributing a standing ovation.

Amazing also when he went out and was on the car direct to the studios and waved his hand to the public yelling"Fuck off, fuck off".

I even found the video but it's in italian and only MoSe would understand :p

Funko
22-05-2006, 08:18:26
:lol:

It's a shame Shabaz is immune from eviction this week. :(

Kitsuki
22-05-2006, 08:24:37
My friend has suggested he would watch Big Brother if they changed the evictions into electrocutions.......

Funko
22-05-2006, 08:27:50
Like the Doctor Who episode?

Tizzy
22-05-2006, 08:40:21
"This is Big Brother, EXTERMINATE, EXTERMINATE"

Kitsuki
22-05-2006, 10:11:50
Originally posted by Funko
Like the Doctor Who episode?

I dont watch Dr Who, and I dont think he does either... Good thinking on the BBC writers part if they had that in an episode tho... :bounce:

Funko
22-05-2006, 10:16:33
It's good. :)

They had an evil robot Ann Robinson too. Oh and Trinny and Suzannah.

Kitsuki
22-05-2006, 10:17:28
I'm assuming Trinny and Suzannah were evil monsters, much like in real life?

King_Ghidra
22-05-2006, 10:49:15
The tourette's guy is cool. I think it's sad that he's basically there to laugh at, but hopefully it will kind of backfire and educate the nation (this may be a secondary objective of the producers).

I want that gay scotsman (most annoying voice ever) and the mineral water diva bitch to die though.

Funko
22-05-2006, 10:55:18
Shabaz is the gay scotsman, everyone hates him. Apparently none of the other housemates are talking to him at the moment. :D

Not sure I saw a mineral water incident...

Funko
22-05-2006, 10:56:28
I wonder if Pete (Tourette's guy) will backfire... like a reverse Joey Deakin.

King_Ghidra
22-05-2006, 11:11:03
Originally posted by Funko
Not sure I saw a mineral water incident...

one of the girls had a MASSIVE flip-out because she had a migraine and wanted mineral water rather than tap water to drink

my gf turned the telly off - which is an extreme measure for her

Tizzy
22-05-2006, 11:13:24
I bet it was Nicki (Nicky?), the whiny one who wants to marry a footballer.

Funko
22-05-2006, 11:13:39
Google tells me it was Nikki, she is a nightmare. I think she could well be the first to go.

Drekkus
22-05-2006, 11:19:14
Gilette de la Toupette is always funny to watch.

If there is any hilarious conversation as in one of the previous BB shows (the one with the thick girl about East Anglia), please post it here.

Nills Lagerbaak
22-05-2006, 11:23:00
Yeah, actually I would appreciate a daily summary of good bits. Saves me from having to watch the other 98%.

Tizzy
22-05-2006, 11:43:19
Ok, summary so far.

Thursday: Shahbaz annoyed everyone

Friday: Shahbaz annoyed everyone

Saturday: Shahbaz annoyed everyone

Sunday: Shahbaz annoyed everyone

Kitsuki
22-05-2006, 11:48:32
Originally posted by Tizzy
Ok, summary so far.

Thursday: Shahbaz annoyed everyone

Friday: Shahbaz annoyed everyone

Saturday: Shahbaz annoyed everyone

Sunday: Shahbaz annoyed everyone

Monday: Shahbaz was electrocuted on live TV.

You know it makes sense.... :D

King_Ghidra
22-05-2006, 11:55:22
i nearly misfired an x-fear there

Nills Lagerbaak
22-05-2006, 12:24:12
Right, there seems to be some kind of competition where you can actually win a place inside the BB house!

Why would any sane person voluntarily subject themselves to that?

King_Ghidra
22-05-2006, 12:27:01
fame, money, etc.

jade is a shining example. one of britains's thickest indiivduals who now lives the life of riley and has her own tv show, business, books etc.

what sane person with their life otherwise going nowhere wouldn't want a crack at that?

Funko
22-05-2006, 12:35:19
For every Jade there are 30* Big Brother contestants who got virtually nothing out of the exposure, even if they did quite well in the series.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/4989740.stm


*number blatantly made up.

fp
22-05-2006, 12:51:41
I wouldn't call 85,000 for a couple of weeks of lounging around on a sofa "virtually nothing".

Funko
22-05-2006, 13:03:52
Yes, but he won 50,000 as part of the show, most contestants don't, and he was a very popular housemate who came close to winning. He also hasn't worked since.

Then there's this:

http://uk.tv.yahoo.com/01112005/344/big-brother-destroyed-lesley.html

So, I'm not saying you can't do really well out of it, but it's a bit of a lottery depending on what happens and how you're portrayed.

Nills Lagerbaak
22-05-2006, 13:35:20
Yeah, Jade is one success out of many contestants. Also they tend to lose favour with the press quickly (see gay hairdresser, Brian). I imagine they end up in a worse state than before (i.e. now all their mates hate them).

I can see why someone with nothing to lose would do it, but what is the appeal for the general public (who this competition is aimed at?)

Funko
22-05-2006, 13:41:04
I actually thing a 'normal' person entering the house could be very popular with the public if they are more natural and less outrageous.

People tend to think they will be the lucky one with a media career, they don't think they'll be the one hated by the public (although this in itself could prove a good tactic, see Nasty Nick).

Nills Lagerbaak
22-05-2006, 14:54:02
A "normal" person would go nuts in there. you have to pass all kinds of psychological tests to ensure you're suitable. The last thing they want is a live murder....or maybe they do!

Kitsuki
22-05-2006, 15:12:42
I think most of the normal people are the ones who get slated for being "boring" when they are probably fairly normal, interesting people, who arent nuts enough to make a spectacle of themselves...

Nills Lagerbaak
22-05-2006, 15:17:24
Yeah, agreed! They may be "boring / normal" but I think you need thicker than average skin to survive in there.

King_Ghidra
22-05-2006, 15:53:38
half the people in there are normal, and normal people are weird, hasn't life taught you anything?

i look around my room at work, i can see every kind of selfish, stubborn, stupid, impetuous, attention-seeking, jealous, eccentric and downright weirdo

and people thought that Tickle was a total freak, and maybe he appeared that way in a house full of Heat readers, but i could find a dozen people like him in a blink of the eye

i think a combination of the setting and the editing makes them look like weirdos, but anyone who has seen them in the daytime on a nice summer day knows bb is as boring and tame as fuck

Funko
22-05-2006, 15:55:30
You have a mirror on your desk? :eek:

King_Ghidra
22-05-2006, 15:57:48
i removed a line from that post, it read: 'yes i do work in a hall of mirrors'

Funko
22-05-2006, 15:59:36
:lol:

Walrus Feeder
23-05-2006, 00:17:53
Ended up watching BB at 9pm last night because i couldn't think of anything else to do and it is now totally eveident what a complete dick-head Shabazz is. It's understandable how no-one can seem to tolerate him and if he annoyed me like that i think i would wish him to be the victim of a happy slapping attack! :shoot:

Tizzy
23-05-2006, 08:13:49
I might actually have to stop watching it till he's gone.

Funko
23-05-2006, 08:54:10
I don't see how he can continue like that for any length of time. At the moment he's ruining any chance of us seeing much of the other contestants.

Last night's non-Shabaz related top story for those who requested it:

Pete (the tourettes guy) has a gigantic John Holmesesque cock.

Kitsuki
23-05-2006, 09:09:45
Originally posted by King_Ghidra
i removed a line from that post, it read: 'yes i do work in a hall of mirrors'

:lol:

Funko
24-05-2006, 07:52:36
YAY!!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/5008062.stm

:beer:

Nills Lagerbaak
24-05-2006, 08:13:56
I watched an episode last night and all I can say is it's gonna be way shit without Shabaz! The others are reeeeeeeeeaaaly boring.

The lary chinese girl is the most annoying, quickly followed by the stupid Edit: Scouse guy.

Nills Lagerbaak
24-05-2006, 08:15:45
Oh and the expolitation of Tourettes boy is hillarious, if totally out of order!

Funko
24-05-2006, 08:23:57
Why is he being exploited more than any of the others? He's been great.

Tizzy
24-05-2006, 08:32:59
I expected Shahbaz to be one of the ones who says they're going to leave about a million times but never actually do it.

Glad I was wrong :beer:

Nills Lagerbaak
24-05-2006, 08:49:23
Poor shabaz is a very sick puppy. he should never have been put int there.

Pete is the best character, but I am still entertained by his random swearing,that's exploitation, but then I guess he's being paid for it, so I suppose it's like watching dwarf tossing....

Snotty
24-05-2006, 09:08:37
Petes a great advert for tourettes, I wish I had tourettes

Nills Lagerbaak
24-05-2006, 09:10:04
No you don't. But what you could do is pretend to have it, and then you could get away with random spasms and swearing.

Funko
24-05-2006, 09:11:00
WANKER!

Funko
24-05-2006, 09:11:45
Note: that wasn't tourettes, I'm just calling Nills a wanker.

Nills Lagerbaak
24-05-2006, 09:22:25
Right, you're due one beating then...


I like the way Pete was in the diary room talking to big bro, then calls him a wanker under his breath. I reckon he intentionally slipped that one in

Lazarus and the Gimp
24-05-2006, 16:25:34
Originally posted by Snotty
Petes a great advert for tourettes, I wish I had tourettes


And a positive role model for people for huge penises too. They're a much-denigrated minority group.

Asher
24-05-2006, 17:28:26
What this about huge penises?

Snotty
24-05-2006, 21:06:33
I love watching the welsh birds body language and how the sleazy guy is making the body contact etc with her and shes not reciprocating

Thats one thing you can watch well on the live feed, sound or no

Ugly vernon and the other posh girl have much more reciprocal body language, mutual touching etc

Nills Lagerbaak
24-05-2006, 21:28:12
That sleezy guy is a real prick, he was riled by shabaz so bad it was funny, whilst at the same time trying to impress the welsh bird, who doesn't seem too impressed. I would love to see them have a fight.
I think it was about 1/2 after shabaz had left the house and they'd forgotten how to say his name- they're all thick as pig shit!

right, I mustn't watch this anymore.

Funko
25-05-2006, 09:15:56
Originally posted by Snotty
Ugly vernon

:lol: :beer:

Snotty
25-05-2006, 11:42:17
Someone else has left this morning, I suspect its the black woman

Funko
25-05-2006, 11:45:03
Hmm.. probably. When she wasn't chosen for the brotherhood yesterday she said she was leaving.

I wonder if they'll still have an eviction?!

Funko
25-05-2006, 11:46:25
Pop-bitch says it was Dawn.

Tizzy
25-05-2006, 11:51:49
Originally posted by Funko

I wonder if they'll still have an eviction?!

They'll have to I guess as people have been voting etc?
Maybe not next week though.

Funko
25-05-2006, 11:53:59
Apparently they might put two golden ticket winners in now.

Nills Lagerbaak
25-05-2006, 12:11:02
Do you think they'll all meet horrific ends like in Charlie and the chocolate factory? I really hope so

Funko
25-05-2006, 13:05:47
Apparently Dawn was actually kicked out for breaking the rules about communicating with the outside world!

http://www.channel4.com/bigbrother/news/newsstory.jsp?id=1191&articleMask=1&housemateId=

Kitsuki
25-05-2006, 13:16:26
Doesnt say what for...?

I'm one of those odd BB followers. I dont watch it as I can't stand it, but I keep an eye on what is happening on it on the website so I dont miss out in conversations... ;)

Funko
25-05-2006, 13:22:38
She was called to the Diary Room this morning where Big Brother reminded her of the rules of the Big Brother house, specifically communication with the outside world, and informed her that she would be ejected immediately, and must leave through the Diary Room.

Tizzy
25-05-2006, 13:28:15
I wonder what exactly she did.

Nills Lagerbaak
25-05-2006, 13:41:13
unleashed a carrier pigeon? Made a few smoke signals? Used her mobile?

Funko
25-05-2006, 14:19:09
If this is true, it's really lame:


She agreed with her family that is she got bad press then they would tell Endemol that 'her sister was seriously ill'.

BB sussed the code and kicked her out (they wouldn't have if she was interesting one suspects). So yeah....lame code...what was she meant to do if she got the message?? Act differently?? Anyway she ain't been getting particularly bad press as far as i know.

I presume the family gave her the message and bb started to look into it.

Snotty
27-05-2006, 00:16:17
George is in a bubble bath with grace and imogen, the lucky bastard

MattHiggs
27-05-2006, 08:23:40
Yay, dumb ugly tart gone.

Lazarus and the Gimp
27-05-2006, 18:33:55
The immortal Charlie Brooker speaks-



Christ almighty. Hellzapoppin'. Where on God's Earth do you start? Big Brother (C4, E4, daily) has shovelled some berks our way in the past, but this time - for round seven - they're using nuclear-powered shovels and berks the size of hills. It shouldn't be possible, but clearly it somehow is.
By now, everyone in Europe will be aware that one housemate has stood out for all the wrong reasons: I speak, obviously, of Shahbaz. Shahbaz - a children's party entertainer created in a madman's laboratory, set loose on the world minus an "off" switch. Shabaz - an episode of Crackerjack with an erection down its shorts, running, sobbing and shrieking, right in your direction. Shahbaz the Allfrighty. Fear him. Pity him. Just for God's sake don't encourage him.


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Shahbaz spent his first few days in the hellhouse bouncing round the linoleum shrieking, blubbing, squealing and bear-hugging anyone within grasping distance. That was disturbing enough. But when, for some mad reason, this failed to win anyone over, he really went into meltdown - deliberately provoking arguments then playing the victim: behaviour that's not so much attention-seeking as attention-kidnapping. By the time you read this he'll be conducting a dirty protest in tears - and all because he just wants to be loved. Unsettling in a none-too-entertaining way, he should've been pulled out days ago, and unless he's an actor, I fear for his stability following the inevitable eviction. Here's hoping for a soft landing and a happier tomorrow.
Of course, there's one bit of knowledge Shahbaz can comfort himself with: whatever his faults, at least he isn't Sezer. Sezer: yuk. Just what we need on our screens: a pint-sized, pixel-eyed, monotone, priapic, hair-gelled rodent, so in love with himself he probably masturbates to videos of himself masturbating. And it's misplaced adoration, because sculpted torso aside, he's got precisely nothing going for him. He'll never say anything you haven't heard expressed by someone less objectionable before. There are a million identical dullards in the capital alone - hurl a bag of shit into any bar in central London and the chances are it'll burst over four or five of them. (Footnote: infuriatingly, at the time of writing, Tuesday morning, Sezer has behaved entirely reasonably for a full 24 hours. If he doesn't start pissing me off again, I'll have to revise my kneejerk opinion of him. And that would never do.)

Most of the remainder are relatively dull. There's Mikey (sexist Vernon Kay/Owen Wilson cross-splice whose punchably dumb face probably adorns the banknotes in Thickland); George (near-silent posho with the head of an Easter Island statue and a severe case of Portillo lips); Nikki (spoiled chimpette who throws tantrums like Geoff Capes throws fenceposts) and Grace (skinny dance instructor apparently played by Peaches Geldof).

Who else? Think hard now. You can do it. Ah yes: Lea (planet-boobed sometime pornstar who's surgically enhanced her way out of the human race altogether - she now resembles Samantha Janus as described by a lunatic); Dawn (an "exercise scientist" who believes in chakras - so not a scientist at all then); Imogen (cute but flavourless; a passable human vacuum in a thong) and Richard (catty Right Said Fred diplomat clearly doomed to spend the rest of his natural life lifting heavy objects on daytime DIY makeover shows). Apparently, there are two others, called Bonnie and Glyn. But I don't think they've been on camera yet. Still it's not all bad news. Lisa (Lucy Liu channelling the spirit of Bez), for instance, is vaguely tolerable.

But the clear victor, by 10 country miles, is Pete - the Tourette's sufferer whose frequent uncontrollable spasms turn him into a cross between Rik from the Young Ones, Keyop from Battle of the Planets, a Tex Avery cartoon wolf, and Klunk, the chirruping inventor from Dastardly And Muttley In Their Flying Machines. Funny, charming, intelligent, talented, modest and utterly even-handed, he's by far the most likable contestant in the programme's lengthening history. And if he doesn't win, I'll eat Shahbaz.

King_Ghidra
30-05-2006, 08:11:08
Great stuff. Brooker rarely lets one down.

I hear they've added two new ones, one of which is a model (surprise! so not like last year at all then)

Tizzy
30-05-2006, 08:12:38
And one is a transvestite/transexual (wasn't clear which), also sounds familiar

Funko
30-05-2006, 14:53:21
George has walked out now.

King_Ghidra
30-05-2006, 15:04:00
i didn't even know there was one called george

Funko
30-05-2006, 15:15:05
If only the new housemates had been Zippy and Bungle.

(he was the posh guy, if Mikey is ugly vernon, he was ugly prince william)

Kitsuki
30-05-2006, 15:19:33
What I don't understand is some of their job descriptions... One of them is 18 and and "Unemployed Nail Technician."

How can you be an unemployed something, other than if it really requires some kind of professional qualification...

Surely he is just simply "unemployed."

Haven't watched one episode yet, I think it would frighten me too much - each year they get worse and worse....

Snotty
30-05-2006, 15:24:46
i thought the tranny was shabaz in a wig and make up

score one for my gaydar

Funko
30-05-2006, 15:25:11
:lol:

King_Ghidra
30-05-2006, 15:57:53
:lol: