View Full Version : Oh, the humanity! Of the poor puns.

20-04-2006, 11:53:39

Chairman Yang
21-04-2006, 00:32:03

Sir Penguin
21-04-2006, 07:14:18


Sir Penguin
21-04-2006, 07:15:19
Interestingly, if you turn any picture of Mr.G upside-down, it looks like a big winkie and ballsack.


21-04-2006, 07:21:03
shhhhht SP,
that's my hair transplant, it was rather cheap

21-04-2006, 09:44:49
You called for puns?

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony
wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you,
but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A
beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this
taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That
sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "Well, It's Not

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to
Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe
you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to
look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you
can't - I've cut off your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and
says "Dam!".

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your
kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But
why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand
chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer." !

18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a
family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain;
they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of
himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her
husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband
responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from
bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) ... A super
calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his
friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.

21-04-2006, 09:54:54
Originally posted by Sir Penguin


:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

21-04-2006, 10:12:04
I'm a huge man -FACT!!!

21-04-2006, 10:39:03
Two bits of pavement walked into a pub. One went to the bar and the other sat down in a corner. The barman asks:

"What can I get you and your chum?"

"I'll have a pint of lager please and a coke for my chum"

"Only a coke my good man?"

"Yeah, he's not allowed to drink, he's a cycle path"

21-04-2006, 11:06:46
Originally posted by Tizzy
You called for puns?

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony
wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

I saw this listed under some Tommy Cooper jokes. Another great being:

Police arrested two boys - one for drinking battery acid, the other for eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other off.

21-04-2006, 12:19:19
This thread started off great with some pictures. Now it's making me lose my will to live.

21-04-2006, 12:19:40
Keep up the good work everyone.

21-04-2006, 12:28:16
When I lose the will to live, other people don't live.

21-04-2006, 12:53:00
Two cows in a field:

Cow 1: "Mooo"

Cow 2: "Bastard, I was going to say that!!!"

21-04-2006, 12:56:05
A baby penguin walks into a bar:

"Excuse me, yoeman of the bar. You haven't seen my father have you?

"Dunno sonny. What does he look like"

21-04-2006, 13:01:08
Sophie Ellis Bextor walks into a bar. The barman says "why the long face?"

Nills Lagerbaak
21-04-2006, 13:20:23
Very good, Is that cos she actually has a squashed up round face?

21-04-2006, 13:26:33
It's 'cause she's got a massive chin

21-04-2006, 13:30:24
you're thinking that Mrs. Prince Charles bint.

Nills Lagerbaak
21-04-2006, 13:31:13
Yeah, but she's got NOTHING on Alanis Morissette when it comes to that joke.

She does have a very nice shin though (for my nuts)

Nills Lagerbaak
21-04-2006, 13:31:34
:lol: no edit needed

21-04-2006, 13:33:41
you kinky bastard

Nills Lagerbaak
21-04-2006, 13:39:01
I like humping ladys' legs? What can I say - I'm a doity dwogy.

21-04-2006, 18:12:27
Why did the farmer win an oscar?

Because he was out standing in the field