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View Full Version : The In-Laws are Coming!!!


Japher
12-04-2006, 12:59:32
Run for the hills!@

It's the whole lot of them... staying until Monday!!!

mr_G
12-04-2006, 13:00:26
jolly jolly jolly :bounce:

Funko
12-04-2006, 13:00:27
run for your li-iii-ife

Japher
12-04-2006, 13:04:08
"Srry honey, gotta work late"

mr_G
12-04-2006, 13:04:33
best easter evah, with 3 scotts in your appartment- FACT!!!!!
run for the bottle

Japher
12-04-2006, 13:05:56
the bar is stocked

mr_G
12-04-2006, 13:10:28
Originally posted by Japher
"Srry honey, gotta work late" but sugar honey pumkin (bet that's your name at home ) it's easter

Japher
12-04-2006, 13:12:38
I wish that was my name at home
being called "what's your name" is getting old

Venom
12-04-2006, 13:17:22
Stand your ground. Prepare for battle.

Japher
12-04-2006, 13:20:46
I WILL CONTINUE TO WALK AROUND THE HOUSE NAKED
IT IS MY HOUSE!

mr_G
12-04-2006, 13:24:44
a shame you sold your other house, that one would be perfect for this.

Venom
12-04-2006, 13:26:02
A good opening move of the fight Japher.

Be sure to leave an upper decker in the guest bathroom.

Gary
12-04-2006, 13:35:44
Well, in-laws have got to be better than out-laws.

MoSe
12-04-2006, 13:50:56
Originally posted by Japher
I WILL CONTINUE TO WALK AROUND THE HOUSE NAKED
IT IS MY HOUSE!

it took me a couple minutes pondering, to understand that you didn't mean OUTSIDE....

:lol:

Chris
12-04-2006, 14:20:40
You will give in.

Rekrul
12-04-2006, 14:25:14
The difference between inlaws and outlaws? Outlaws are usually wanted by somebody

Drekkus
12-04-2006, 15:48:30
Originally posted by MoSe
it took me a couple minutes pondering, to understand that you didn't mean OUTSIDE....

:lol: :lol:

Japher
12-04-2006, 16:37:52
uh,,, yeah,,, I meant inside

Ginfizwithatwist
12-04-2006, 19:59:37
Sounds like a good time to invest in a garden shed- (a small simple structure responsible for saving many a male's sanity), a comfy chair, a small but vital fridge, a stupendous amount of beer and just batten down the hatches for the duration......
:D

Oerdin
12-04-2006, 22:11:40
Shit that's what bars are for. Find that bar called "The Office" then just tell her you're going to the office. ;)

Gibsie
13-04-2006, 02:16:29
First Venom's parents on the coffee, now your inlaws are coming. When will the gubment wise up and ban old people from copulating??

Japher
13-04-2006, 14:46:21
I got drunk last night

started drinking right after they got here

Wifey's grandma complained about the stairs and the dog
Wifey's mom complained about dinner
Her dad stands too close
Her nephews are too loud
and her brother-in-law accused me of eating all the brownies when I didn't even have one

who should die first?

mr_G
13-04-2006, 14:47:59
is there anyone called jesus / Gjus or something a bit familiar?

Japher
13-04-2006, 14:50:45
Daniel

mr_G
13-04-2006, 14:54:10
we've got a winner.

is there someone close to the name maria?

Japher
13-04-2006, 14:56:13
no

Venom
13-04-2006, 15:10:01
Brother in law dies first. The old people can then be taken at your leisure.

Japher
13-04-2006, 15:11:39
good point

he was in Iraq

Venom
13-04-2006, 15:24:45
A suprise attack will defeat any superiority he has.

Caligastia
13-04-2006, 15:26:35
Originally posted by Japher

Her dad stands too close

Close talker eh?:lol:

Rekrul
13-04-2006, 15:46:34
Next time he does it start stroking his arm as you speak to him (maintaining eye contact is good if you can stomach it, without blinking of course).

That should put him off a little

Rekrul
13-04-2006, 15:47:32
Alternatively he may misinterpret it as a green light to make a move on his son-in-law. Just a chance you'll have to take :D

Caligastia
13-04-2006, 15:49:44
Talk even closer, and see if it puts him off. Talk so close your noses are almost touching.

Rekrul
13-04-2006, 15:51:28
Eat lots of garlic first as well..........
















... he may be undead

Caligastia
13-04-2006, 15:54:49
While he's talking, casually bite into an onion as if it were a juicy apple.

Mrs Vincent III
13-04-2006, 15:56:45
Doesn't everyone do that though? :confused:

Japher
13-04-2006, 16:18:19
Ok, what do I do with the bodies?

MoSe
13-04-2006, 16:35:43
feed them to your Nepenthes

Venom
13-04-2006, 16:46:25
What to do with the bodies depends on the size of your backyard, the burning laws in your area, and the size of your trunk. Oh, and the availability of a chainsaw.

Japher
13-04-2006, 16:49:46
big yard, small shovel, no burn laws, no chainsaw, and I have a truck and nosey neighbors

Venom
13-04-2006, 16:53:57
Well you've got to bury them in your yard then. It's your only option. But the risk of getting caught is high. Might want to build something overtop the burial site. Not sure you'll be able to get away with burning 4 whole bodies.

Venom
13-04-2006, 16:55:47
Or you could try the old, load the truck bed up with furniture, junk and dead bodies and take it someplace trick, but with nosy neighbors they might wonder why you're loading the truck up at 2 o'clock in the morning.

Japher
13-04-2006, 16:57:22
oh oh
they came back alive!

Venom
13-04-2006, 17:00:33
You suck at asassination.

Japher
13-04-2006, 17:01:32
they're trying to eat my brain!

Chris
13-04-2006, 17:08:53
Dieting?

Japher
13-04-2006, 17:09:56
No, my brain is high in fat... what little of it there is

mr.G
13-04-2006, 19:54:17
Originally posted by Venom
Well you've got to bury them in your yard then. It's your only option. But the risk of getting caught is high. Might want to build something overtop the burial site. Not sure you'll be able to get away with burning 4 whole bodies. jesjes built something...... I can dooooo di dooooooo the design for a poolhouse wizzzzout a pool.

Qaj the Fuzzy Love Worm
13-04-2006, 19:55:56
Apparently Japher has more patience than I do. When my father-in-law mentioned that he didn't like to sleep in our living room when they visited because the cats jump on him and keep him awake, and besides, the sofa is uncomfortable, I told him to go camp out in the backyard.

Turns out he was offended by that, and the fact that I was ill. Go figure.

Speaking your mind often leads to fewer visits by unwanted family members, and I wholeheartedly endorse it.

Caligastia
13-04-2006, 20:17:48
Do the cats jump on you if you sleep in the living room? If not, you could have offered to give them your room.

Venom
13-04-2006, 20:51:57
Or you could have killed him and buried him in the backyard disguised as a terribly ugly building designed by a terribly short Dutch guy.

Darkstar
13-04-2006, 21:40:30
Disposal instructions.

Tub, hacksaw, rubber gloves, unopened case of large trash bags, bleach.

Hacksaw will do just fine. Place dead bodies in tub (one at a time). Employ hacksaw on corpse. It just takes a fair bit of elbow grease. Very quiet, nosey neighbors won't have anything to hear at this point. Clean yourself up. Clean your your rubber gloves. Put on your rubber gloves, then open up your new trash bag pack. Place chunks into triple bagged hefties (or whatever is your preferred brand). Now, never ever handle those bagged remains without your gloves on. Once in the bags, you can then dispose of them in a more timely and less suspicious matter. For instance, loading up your truck, driving off to a remote location on a national park, and burying them deeper then 3 feet.

Use the bleach liberally when you are done, to destroy all DNA evidence. Get a good strong vacuum, and clean the house well.

Note: If you kill the in-laws, you'll probably have to kill your wife. She isn't likely to go along with you slaughtering her whole family, despite her own fantasies of doing the same. You make your Missus disappear, and the nosy neighbors will tend to report her gone eventually.

You have a the outstanding problem of disposing of your in-laws transportation. Which is why it's best to kill them at their place, chop them up, and cart the bits away. Then they just disappear mysteriously, if you cleaned up correctly.

Qaj the Fuzzy Love Worm
14-04-2006, 02:03:54
:nervous:

MoSe
14-04-2006, 08:02:51
DS, I'd have expected from you the offer of some spare shuttle payload space....

Venom
14-04-2006, 15:03:55
Japher is way too lazy to use the hacksaw approach.

Oerdin
14-04-2006, 15:07:15
Wouldn't a hole dug in the middle of no where work better? Less splattered blood for the cops to find later as well.

Japher
14-04-2006, 15:13:52
Japher is way too lazy to use the hacksaw approach.



So true

but I have a reciprocating saw and a circular saw

I like the idea of of just cutting a hole in the ice of a frozen lake and dumpong them there

sadly, it's too warm

Venom
14-04-2006, 15:57:11
Originally posted by Oerdin
Wouldn't a hole dug in the middle of no where work better? Less splattered blood for the cops to find later as well.

Nosy neighbors and a pickup truck make that plan very difficult.

Chop them up, burn the pieces and then throw the bones in your neighbors yard. Then act suitably greif stricken when the cops that you called find the bones of your relatives in the neighbors yard.

Qaj the Fuzzy Love Worm
14-04-2006, 16:30:03
Originally posted by Japher
So true

but I have a reciprocating saw and a circular saw

I like the idea of of just cutting a hole in the ice of a frozen lake and dumpong them there

sadly, it's too warm

Runny ice is always a bitch to cut.

Japher
14-04-2006, 16:44:52
drill a hole and stick a peice of dynomite in it

Darkstar
14-04-2006, 20:33:29
Originally posted by MoSe
DS, I'd have expected from you the offer of some spare shuttle payload space....

Why do you think so many NASA installations are on swamp land or include swamp land?

Shuttle payload space is closely monitored. Swamp land isn't.

Japher
17-04-2006, 13:16:35
It's Monday, the leave today while I'm at work.

No one has died... yet

I almost killed Grandma today when she decided to take the coffee cup on the bottom of the stack.

Venom
17-04-2006, 13:37:29
She'll be dead soon enough.

Japher
17-04-2006, 14:03:24
she would ask a question and when you would reply she'd go "what?" so you say it louder and she'll say "I can hear you, I just didn't understand what you said."

So, you're stupid?

Venom
17-04-2006, 14:33:36
Oh yeah, well your grandma is stupid too!

Rekrul
17-04-2006, 15:27:50
Does it run in the family then? ;)

Japher
17-04-2006, 16:34:12
my wife is pretty smart

Venom
17-04-2006, 16:59:32
For a retard.

Japher
17-04-2006, 17:12:32
I'm telling...

Venom
17-04-2006, 17:27:32
Hey, she married you. She's obviously got problems.

Japher
17-04-2006, 17:42:50
good point

paiktis22
17-04-2006, 17:46:16
problematic women rock

Venom
17-04-2006, 17:52:06
The prosecution rests.

The Japher family is, in whole, retarded.

paiktis22
17-04-2006, 17:52:59
can i take the fifth?
(no idea what it means but always wanted to say that :D)

Japher
17-04-2006, 17:55:23
the 5th means you're an alcoholic

paiktis22
17-04-2006, 17:56:21
alcoholics get acquited in the US courts?

Japher
17-04-2006, 18:00:07
it's a mental disease
you can't stand trial
or something

or maybe the fifth is the amendment that prevents you from purjering yourself.. but that just sounds silly, purjer

Immortal Wombat
17-04-2006, 18:13:23
Doesn't help that you got the vowels the wrong way round.

Japher
17-04-2006, 18:29:51
it's part of the conditoin

Rekrul
17-04-2006, 18:34:23
At risk of a 100-0, the Fifth Amendment to the US Constitution:

"No person shall ... be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself..."

Generally interpreted I think as the right to remain silent, hence not saying anything that might incriminate oneself.


NB Don't think I've ever used the word 'oneself' online before, I'm not sure whether this is a good or bad thing though...
:nervous:

Venom
17-04-2006, 18:53:25
Someone at their overly serious wheaties this morning.

Japher
17-04-2006, 19:14:28
no sugar!

Rekrul
17-04-2006, 21:09:56
At work and VERY bored... :(