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Gary
04-04-2006, 11:20:38
Was checking through old e-mails, thought these might amuse, especially those who know a little about darts (and can picture the players ;)).


Wise words from Sid Waddell the genius of Darts commentary...

"Bristow reasons . . . Bristow quickens ... Aaah, Bristow."

"Jockey Wilson . . . What an athlete."

"That was like throwing three pickled onions into a thimble!"

"He's about as predictable as a wasp on speed"

"Look at the man go, its like trying to stop a water buffalo with a pea-shooter"

"The atmosphere is so tense, if Elvis walked in, with a portion of chips.......you could hear the vinegar sizzle on them"

"Big Cliff Lazarenko's idea of exercise is sitting in a room with the windows open taking the lid off something cool and fizzy."

"It's like trying to pin down a kangaroo on a trampoline"

"Well as giraffes say, you don't get no leaves unless you stick your neck out"

"His eyes are bulging like the belly of a hungry chaffinch"

"It's the nearest thing to public execution this side of Saudi Arabia."

"He's as cool as a prized marrow!"

"Under that heart of stone beat muscles of pure flint."

"He looks about as happy as a penguin in a microwave."

"That's like giving Dracula the keys to the blood bank"

"As they say at the DHSS, we're getting the full benefit here."

"He is as slick as minestrone soup"

"There hasn't been this much excitement since the Romans fed the Christians to the Lions."

"The players are under so much duress, it's like duressic park out there!"

"This lad has more checkouts than Tescos."

"John Lowe is striding out like Alexander the Great conquering the Persians"

"When I see Steve Davis I see two letters... C S...Cue Sorceror"

"There's only one word for that - magic darts!"

"Keith Deller's not just an underdog, he's an underpuppy!"

"I don't know what he's had for breakfast but Taylor knocked the Snap, Crackle and Pop outta Bristow"

"Even Hypotenuse would have trouble working out these angles"

"Steve Beaton - The adonis of darts, what poise, what elegance - a true roman gladiator with plenty of hair wax."

"If you're round your auntie's tonight, tell her to stop making the cookie's and come thru to the living room and watch these two amazing athletes beat the proverbial house out of each other"

"When Alexander of Macedonia was 33, he cried salt tears because there were no more worlds to conquer..... Bristow's only 27."

"Eat your heart out Harold Pinter, we've got drama with a capital D in Essex."

"If we'd had Phil Taylor at Hastings against the Normans, they'd have gone home."

"He's playing out of his pie crust."

"They won't just have to play outta their skin to beat Phil Taylor. They'llhave to play outta their essence!"

"Darts players are probably a lot fitter than most footballers in overall body strength."

"Look at him as he takes his stance, like he has been sculptured, whereas Bobby George, with his bad back, looks like the Hunchback of Notre Dame."

"He's playing like Robin Hood in the Nottingham super league"

"Phil Taylor's got the consistency of a planet ... and he's in a darts orbit!"

"The atmosphere is a cross between the Munich Beer Festival and the Coliseum when the Christians were on the menu."

"Jockey Wilson, he comes from the valleys and he's huffing like a choo-choo train!"

"He's like D'Artagnan at the scissor factory."

"Steve Beaton, he's not Adonis, he's THE donis"

"Here's Baxter doing a cock-a-leekie soup job on Ovens!"

"The pendulum swinging back and forth like a metronome"

"His face is sagging with tension."

"The fans now, with their eyes pierced on the dart board."

"He's been burning the midnight oil at both ends."

Keith Deller is like Long John Silver - he's badly in need of another leg.

He looks as happy as a scorpion who's just had a pedicure!

I once heard Sid Waddell utter the classic: "Eyes like a pterodactyl....with contact lenses" while commentating on a pool match on Sky Sports. Genius.

Cliff Lazarenko's jumping up and down like a gorilla saying "give me back my banana!

Commentating on Pool: "That cut is as fine as a fly's eyelash"

If Mel Gibson could throw arrows like these, there's no way he'd be a thespian.

Leighton Rhys had just thrown a 180, then he downed a pint of mild in one.Sid: "Why, you've got to be fit to play this game!"

On Bobby George - "He's like a Sherman tank on roller skates coming down a mountain!"

He's twitching more than a one legged ferret!

Of John Lowe on route to the World Title many years ago: "He's moving with the purpose of a Panzer Division" and "The chalk's flying like confetti now!"

"He may practice 12 hours a day, but he's not shy of the burger van!"

Commentating on a particularly scrappy match: "This game's got about as much rhythm as a jazz band... and a bad one at that."

"He's like Jack The Ripper on a Friday night."

"He's got one foot in the frying pan and one on thin ice."

"Rod now looking like Kevin Costner when told the final cost of Waterworld."

"They should give his nose an Oscar for animation."

"Tarantino re-writing Gunfight at the OK Corral couldn't have done any better than this."

"It's like Dracula getting out of his grave and asking for a few chips with his steak."

"This fella... he's as dangerous as a rattlesnake with a slipped disk!"

"That Lad could throw 180 standing one legged in a hammock."

"This game of darts is twisting like a rattlesnake with a hernia!"

"That's like the Mona Lisa painted up-side down."

"It's just like taking a sausage from a boy in a wheelchair." I have no idea what this is meant to mean!

As Jocky Wilson was about to take on John Lowe..."This is the clash that makes King Kong versus Godzilla look like a chimpanzees tea party!"

"He's planting those arrows with the accuracy of a couple of inter-continental ballistic missiles."

"Bob Anderson ... looking like Lee van Cleef on a bad night!"

Funko
04-04-2006, 11:33:35
Some great ones there. :lol:

mr_G
04-04-2006, 11:37:33
:lol: He looks about as happy as a penguin in a microwave.