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Tizzy
13-03-2006, 11:29:42
~ A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
~ Without geometry, life is pointless.
~ Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
~ Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
~ Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
~ A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
~ Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.
~ When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
~ The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
~ A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.
~ A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
~ The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
~ When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.
~ Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

mr_G
13-03-2006, 11:31:55
most of them make me :lol:
I do think the Italian boy needs a doctor after reading this.

MoSe
13-03-2006, 11:37:06
lol, should I be ashamed of finding some of these funny?

I'm missing tho the joke in the first one, what's the reference?

EDIT: too slow typing, X-post with mr.G

MoSe
13-03-2006, 11:39:54
Although, my all-time favorite bed pan is the "catch up!" one from Pulp Fiction

King_Ghidra
13-03-2006, 11:50:03
Originally posted by MoSe
I'm missing tho the joke in the first one, what's the reference?



poetry in motion, a phrase used to descibe something that looks beautiful when it moves

mr_G
13-03-2006, 11:51:33
like me!!

Gary
13-03-2006, 11:51:51
100-0 protection - a (well known ?) line from a song - "Poetry in Motion"

http://www.google.com/search?q=%22poetry+in+motion%22+lyrics&sa=N&revid=251349419&qpos=0&oi=revisions_inline

MoSe
13-03-2006, 11:57:31
LOL, I swear I had never heard about it

Gary
13-03-2006, 12:01:39
Probably more (1950/60s) US/UK based, then.

Watch re-runs of "Happy Days" :D

MOBIUS
13-03-2006, 12:19:24
I had a nightmare that I was in Panama during a snowstorm. I was dreaming of a white isthmus. (http://www.badpuns.com/jokes.php?section=oneline&pos=1&numitems=5)

:D

Drekkus
13-03-2006, 12:46:53
:lol: these are actually pretty funny.

MoSe
13-03-2006, 12:51:04
"I was going to procrastinate. But I decided to leave it till later."

:lol:

MOBIUS
13-03-2006, 12:56:50
"I just saw a movie about some guy who had amazing revelations while eating his cereal. It was called Breakfast Epiphanies."

:D

MoSe
13-03-2006, 13:09:16
for future forgetfulness

The price of chess pieces was going up. I had to buy quickly, so I decided to contact my pawn broker.
My biologist friend tells me that constantly developing new varieties of plant can be a strain.
A man walks into a hardware store and asks if they have a tool for breaking up some hard ground. The shop assistant points to a row of suitable tools along the wall and replies: "Certainly sir, take your pick".
He had won every award and received every possible accolade: he was simply the best scarecrow ever. He truly was out standing in his field.
I had a very nervous guitar playing friend. He was always fretting about something.
Resistance may be futile, but capacitance has potential.
I took a beer bottle to the recycling center, but they wouldn't take it. They said: "This is the pint of no return."
How is it that fast food is so popular? I thought you're not supposed to eat when you're fasting.
The priest was tending his vegetable garden. He bowed his head, and said: "Lettuce spray."
I know a farmer who has 200 head of cattle. He thought there were only 196 until he rounded them up
I got sent a package the other day, but when it arrived it was all damp. I complained at the post office, and they said it must have had postage dew.
They asked why I was moving to France, so I told them I had nothing Toulouse
A cheap eye surgeon is probably cutting corneas.
Did you know that people tend to tell worse puns as they get older?
That's why we call them groan-ups.

and this last one sums it up!

Japher
13-03-2006, 13:24:53
Of course this site would find those funny, or should I say "punny"

I'm trying to figure out how to make "gay twat" into a pun

King_Ghidra
13-03-2006, 13:54:59
Originally posted by Japher
I'm trying to figure out how to make "gay twat" into a pun

i'm not holding my breath on that one