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View Full Version : Could have saved these funnies for Friday but....


Nills Lagerbaak
16-02-2006, 17:18:00
These are the things people actually said in US courts, taken
down
>and published by court reporters - who suffered the torment of trying
to
>keep straight faces while these exchanges were taking place.
>
>
>
> Q: Are you sexually active?
>
> A: No, I just lie there.
>
>
>
> Q: What is your date of birth?
>
> A: July fifteenth.
>
> Q: What year?
>
> A: Every year.
>
>
>
> Q: What gear were you in at the moment of impact?
>
> A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
>
>
>
> Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
>
> A: Yes.
>
> Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
>
> A: I forget.
>
> Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something you've
>forgotten?
>
>
>
> Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
>
> A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
>
> Q: How long has he lived with you?
>
> A: Forty-five years.
>
>
>
> Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he
woke up
>that morning?
>
> A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
>
> Q: And why did that upset you?
>
> A: My name is Susan.
>
>
>
> Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
voodoo or
>The occult?
>
> A: We both do.
>
> Q: Voodoo?
>
> A: We do.
>
> Q: You do?
>
> A: Yes, voodoo.
>
>
>
> Q: Now Doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep,
>he doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?
>
>
>
> Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
>
>
>
> Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
>
>
>
> Q: So the date of conception [of the baby] was August 8th?
>
> A: Yes.
>
> Q: And what were you doing at that time?
>
>
> Q: She had three children, right?
>
> A: Yes.
>
> Q: How many were boys?
>
> A: None.
>
> Q: Were there any girls?
>
>
>
> Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
>
> A: By death.
>
> Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
>
>
>
> Q: Can you describe the individual?
>
> A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
>
> Q: Was this a male, or a female?
>
>
>
> Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition
>notice which I sent to your attorney?
>
> A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
>
>
>
> Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
>
> A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
>
>
>
> Q: All your responses must be oral, ok? What school did you go
to?
>
> A: Oral.
>
>
>
> Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
>
> A: The autopsy started around 8.30 pm.
>
> Q: And Mr Dennington was dead at the time?
>
> A: No he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
>autopsy.
>
>
>
> Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
>
>
>
> Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
a
>pulse?
>
> A: No.
>
> Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
>
> A: No.
>
> Q: Did you check for breathing?
>
> A: No.
>
> Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began
>the autopsy?
>
> A: No.
>
> Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
>
> A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
>
> Q: But the patient could still have been alive, nevertheless?
>
> A: Yes it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing
>law somewhere.

shagnasty
16-02-2006, 17:32:56
Originally posted by Nills Lagerbaak
> Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
a
>pulse?
> A: No.
>
> Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
>
> A: No.
>
> Q: Did you check for breathing?
>
> A: No.
>
> Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began
>the autopsy?
>
> A: No.
>
> Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
>
> A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
>
> Q: But the patient could still have been alive, nevertheless?
>
> A: Yes it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing
>law somewhere.

The best one of the lot. :lol: :lol:

Nills Lagerbaak
16-02-2006, 17:56:14
that is good, so is this:
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
>
>
>
> Q: All your responses must be oral, ok? What school did you go
to?
>
> A: Oral.