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Drekkus
10-01-2006, 23:49:02
About Chuck Norris:

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Chuck Norris has a word for a person he puts into a coma; that word is "lucky".
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
Achilles was supposedly the greatest warrior of all time, but he died because of his weak spot, the Achilles tendon. There is no Chuck Norris tendon.
Oxygen requires Chuck Norris to live.
Chuck Norris was going to spend a relaxing day watching television when one of those commercials for Trix cereal came on. Angered by what he saw, Chuck Norris spent the rest of his, what was supposed to be a relaxing day, punching every child he came across. He would then shout at them, “Trix are for Chuck Norris.”
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

Qaj the Fuzzy Love Worm
11-01-2006, 02:54:34
You've been hanging out in the Barrens far too much.

Koshko
11-01-2006, 03:51:32
old

Venom
11-01-2006, 13:26:00
He (chuck norris) put a post on his web site about that stuff. It was pretty funny. Let me go find the link.

Venom
11-01-2006, 13:27:13
There it is.

http://www.chucknorris.com/html/events.aspx?type=1

It's hilarious because he turns it into an opportunity to plug his book.

Drekkus
11-01-2006, 13:30:38
I liked the handicaped parking spot one best.

mr_G
11-01-2006, 13:33:31
:lol: Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

mr_G
11-01-2006, 13:34:17
Originally posted by Drekkus
I liked the handicaped parking spot one best. :lol:
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Nav
11-01-2006, 15:25:21
Fact 12 contradicts Fact 2. FACT!

Qaj the Fuzzy Love Worm
11-01-2006, 21:08:26
2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
12. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.


I see your point.

Koshko
12-01-2006, 05:44:09
My mother bought me the Walker, Texas Ranger Final Season DVD Set for Christmas.

Oerdin
12-01-2006, 05:47:39
Is that a fact?

KrazyHorse@home
12-01-2006, 05:51:06
Originally posted by Qaj the Fuzzy Love Worm
2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
12. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.


I see your point.

?

mr_G
12-01-2006, 08:18:03
Originally posted by Koshko
My mother bought me the Walker, Texas Ranger Final Season DVD Set for Christmas. she hates you - FACT!!!

Nav
12-01-2006, 11:17:24
Fact 14 contradicts Fact 2 - FACT!

mr_G
12-01-2006, 11:20:19
nav is right - FACT!!!!!!

Venom
12-01-2006, 13:07:47
Originally posted by Koshko
My mother bought me the Walker, Texas Ranger Final Season DVD Set for Christmas.

:lol: Hilarious.

King_Ghidra
12-01-2006, 13:20:50
Originally posted by Venom
There it is.

http://www.chucknorris.com/html/events.aspx?type=1

It's hilarious because he turns it into an opportunity to plug his book.

he writes cowboy fiction?!?

surreal

hmm i went to look up the Justice Riders book. hot damn.

this is the only review of it on amazon.com:

Ezra Justice's orders from General Sherman are simple. Form a small, elite team of soldiers and make things difficult for the Confederacy. If caught, no one will claim knowledge of Justice, his men, or their orders. The Justice Riders are off and disrupting the Confederate's supply lines as best they can. But the team attracts the attention of Mordecai Slate and his "Death Raiders," and the battle becomes a far more personal one.

Former action star Chuck Norris and his team of writers have come up with an entertaining adventure novel with a simple message of faith mixed in. Fans of Walker, Texas Ranger (or of Norris's earlier films) will not be disappointed with The Justice Riders. It's nothing more than a Norris movie put to paper and, on that level, it's every bit as fun. Recommended.


But this looks more enticing:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0671631810/qid=1137071974/sr=8-3/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i3_xgl14/002-7790793-4819265?n=507846&s=books&v=glance

check out the review :lol:

i think it was the fourth time i read this book that got so pumped up i punched my dad in the face. he got real confused at first, but when he saw that i had been reading "menace in space" he understood, as a self proclaimed chuck-head, he knew all too well how easy it is to get overpumped, or totally "chucked-out" as uncle stew says. but that was a long time ago and im older and wiser. I no longer allow my self to get too pumped up and fly off the handle like i did when i was 30. As the c-man once said "Men are like steel. When they lose their temper, they lose their worth". Sometimes i wonder how one man can be so wise and so powerful (and beautiful!) at the same time? I guess thats a question for the ages. But what isn't a question at all is how awesome is "menace in space"? and the answer is totally freaking awesome! buy this book, and get totally pumped!

Drekkus
12-01-2006, 13:43:48
:lol: That's a hilarious review. Could be written by the Real Ultimate Power Ninja.

Venom
12-01-2006, 13:48:17
"Chuck Norris and his team of writers...." :lol:

mr_G
12-01-2006, 13:49:10
"the c-man" :lol:

Chris
12-01-2006, 18:23:58
I didn't read any of this thread-FACT!

paiktis22
12-01-2006, 18:31:05
Me neither except last post - FACT Undisputed

Chris
12-01-2006, 18:37:09
I plan on not reading other threads and posting in them-FACT!

mr_G
12-01-2006, 18:57:19
you 2 suck - FACT!!!

paiktis22
12-01-2006, 19:06:21
that's because we have a banana and you don't - FACT!

Qaj the Fuzzy Love Worm
12-01-2006, 20:45:29
Originally posted by Nav
Fact 14 contradicts Fact 2 - FACT!

:lol:

And :lol: at KH :p

Chris
12-01-2006, 20:55:11
I didn't read Qaj's post-FACT!

Gibsie
12-01-2006, 21:02:45
What's the origin of the FACT gag here? Is it anything to do with Ali Abbas?

Chris
12-01-2006, 21:06:15
No-FACT!

Venom
12-01-2006, 21:06:59
FACT it hard!!!

Japher
12-01-2006, 21:12:10
phact is better than fact - FACT!

Venom
15-01-2006, 14:05:39
Awesome.

http://www.collegehumor.com/movies/1642842/

JM^3
15-01-2006, 14:20:34
phact is the physics geeks form of fact - phact

JM

mr_G
15-01-2006, 14:22:31
Do a shot every time the announcer says Chuck Norris. :lol:

Oerdin
15-01-2006, 19:08:21
Originally posted by Gibsie
What's the origin of the FACT gag here? Is it anything to do with Ali Abbas?

I honestly don't know but it has something to do with Funko.

alsieboo
15-01-2006, 19:35:49
my bf keeps quoting these at me, they are pretty funny

Chris
16-01-2006, 05:54:29
I didn't know that-FACT!

Greg W
16-01-2006, 07:13:43
Fax off.

notyoueither
16-01-2006, 07:39:00
Fax on.

Mr. Miyagi would kick Chuck's ass. FACT!

Oerdin
16-01-2006, 08:39:38
Mr. Miyagi is dead and Chuck isn't. FACT!

Chris
16-01-2006, 10:49:16
I knew that-FACT!

Drekkus
16-01-2006, 11:29:51
Better to wax off than to fade away

Greg W
16-01-2006, 11:31:27
It's better to wax on your feet than to live on your knees

mr_G
16-01-2006, 11:49:30
Originally posted by Chris
I knew that-FACT!
chris is.....= crisis -PHACT!!!!!!

Chris
16-01-2006, 13:40:46
That is really mr G, not a monkey-FACT!