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Lazarus and the Gimp
09-01-2006, 11:22:04
I've always been on good terms with my bum. I've treated it well, and we've got on fine.

Unfortunately, having turned 35, it seems my body has decided "Aha! Let's spring a surprise hemorrhoid on him". So that was yesterday's pleasant little surprise.

Today's little surprise concern my trip to the Doctor. I had a naive expection of being handed a tube of "Grapes Begone!" ointment, but noooooooooooo.

What I actually got was about 20 seconds work on the ringpiece with a scalpel. No anaesthetic. Ow.

So, I'm now balanced on one buttock and sulking.

mr_G
09-01-2006, 11:29:24
:lol: thnx for sharing

Lazarus and the Gimp
09-01-2006, 11:30:11
Just wait. I've got a flat-bed scanner somewhere.

notyoueither
09-01-2006, 11:43:18
Don't encourage him.

mr_G
09-01-2006, 11:43:43
that would be awesome

notyoueither
09-01-2006, 11:45:15
See?

King_Ghidra
09-01-2006, 11:57:21
a photocopier could susbstitute at a pinch

mr_G
09-01-2006, 11:59:27
maybe a nice coworker can make a pic

Beta1
09-01-2006, 20:39:38
I know its bad but I'm laughing my head off.

Japher
09-01-2006, 21:02:43
at least he didn't try a DIY for this fix

Lurker the Second
09-01-2006, 21:46:12
All day, ALL DAY I TELL YOU, I resisted opening this thread.

There is some weird cosmic karma at play here. I'm convinced Laz's condition was actually a "pre-punishment" for making this thread.

mr_G
09-01-2006, 21:48:33
:lol:

Venom
09-01-2006, 21:57:17
Scapel to the anus....no good can come of that.

Drekkus
09-01-2006, 22:00:08
That doctor went medieval on his ass.

HelloKitty
09-01-2006, 22:03:36
This thread is no where near as good as the one where Norks proclaimed her desire for anal.

Drekkus
09-01-2006, 22:05:57
I missed that :(

Oerdin
09-01-2006, 22:17:00
Me too. :(

Venom
09-01-2006, 22:18:50
Go forth and bump it.

HelloKitty
09-01-2006, 22:24:41
Thats exactly what she wanted, someone to bump it.

Gary
09-01-2006, 22:39:46
Thanks for the heads up

Koshko
10-01-2006, 05:37:14
Archive that norks anal thread.

Drekkus
10-01-2006, 09:45:06
Damn thing is that if you search for 'anal' at CG, you probably get a 1000 hits.

Lazarus and the Gimp
10-01-2006, 10:51:04
It has unexpected bonuses. My tosser "boss" (he's young, new and keen, the fool) was demanding explanations of symptoms when I phoned in sick today. While I was perfectly within my rights to tell him to bugger off, I thought it would be more fun to give him the fine details.

I swear I actually heard his bumhole slamming tight shut and scrotum retracting in horror.

mr_G
10-01-2006, 10:55:19
hahahahahahahaha solidaridat pain.
brilliant LAZ

Funko
10-01-2006, 10:59:41
Originally posted by Lazarus and the Gimp
It has unexpected bonuses. My tosser "boss" (he's young, new and keen, the fool) was demanding explanations of symptoms when I phoned in sick today. While I was perfectly within my rights to tell him to bugger off, I thought it would be more fun to give him the fine details.

I swear I actually heard his bumhole slamming tight shut and scrotum retracting in horror.

:lol:

Rodgers
10-01-2006, 12:30:47
Originally posted by Lazarus and the Gimp
"Grapes Begone!" ointment


:lol:

Aredhran
10-01-2006, 12:59:25
I love your evil strategy vs your boss :lol:

as for the story itself... ouch! Hope it gets better quick.

MoSe
10-01-2006, 13:07:14
Originally posted by Lazarus and the Gimp
No anaesthetic. Ow.

just some anal-aesthetic

MoSe
10-01-2006, 13:10:12
Originally posted by Lazarus and the Gimp
I swear I actually heard his bumhole slamming tight shut and scrotum retracting in horror.

can you hear mine doing the very same, thru the net???

MattHiggs
10-01-2006, 14:42:02
I resisted opening this thread for ages as I'm in work. I couldn't resist any longer and it's the funniest thing I've read in ages! :lol:

Thanks Laz!

MOBIUS
10-01-2006, 15:50:04
Here's hoping Haemorroids aren't a standard 35th birthday present!:eek:

Japher
10-01-2006, 15:51:20
I had them when I was 18

mr_G
10-01-2006, 15:53:04
thanks for sharing

Japher
10-01-2006, 15:56:57
no no, you can't share hemroids

mr_G
10-01-2006, 15:59:14
jesjes you are right.
thanks for getting that straight.

Chris
10-01-2006, 17:24:38
So, Laz finally had the ass torn out of him.

Gary
10-01-2006, 17:34:38
Laz shared his with his doctor !

Chris
10-01-2006, 17:45:20
Scapel is now code for Penis?