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View Full Version : This evening's disasters, so far-


Lazarus and the Gimp
18-11-2005, 22:14:21
1- Central heating wasn't working, and it's about -1. After much strife, it inexplicably started working again.

2- Knocked a small wholemeal bap out of the cupboard. It landed on a plate. And broke it. How? That's not right, is it?

3- Lost my cup of tea.

4- Found it. After knocking it over. All over the toaster, in fact.

5- Oldest Gimp child has fallen off a chair, and also smacked her nose on her toybox lid. Much wailing.

6- Knocked my lethal chef's knife off the kitchen unit, and did one of those poofty little dances to avoid getting my foot skewered.

Cruddy
19-11-2005, 01:38:37
Originally posted by Lazarus and the Gimp
1- Central heating wasn't working, and it's about -1. After much strife, it inexplicably started working again.



Well, nobody like's working when it's cold. Why should your central heating?

Originally posted by Lazarus and the Gimp
2- Knocked a small wholemeal bap out of the cupboard. It landed on a plate. And broke it. How? That's not right, is it?

Quantum physics at work - all the little particles lining up just wrong.

Originally posted by Lazarus and the Gimp
3- Lost my cup of tea.


DISASTER! MUCH WAILING AND GNASHING OF TEETH!

Originally posted by Lazarus and the Gimp
4- Found it. After knocking it over. All over the toaster, in fact.


The price you pay for finding it.

Originally posted by Lazarus and the Gimp
5- Oldest Gimp child has fallen off a chair, and also smacked her nose on her toybox lid. Much wailing.


OK, no smartarse comment on that one.

Originally posted by Lazarus and the Gimp
6- Knocked my lethal chef's knife off the kitchen unit, and did one of those poofty little dances to avoid getting my foot skewered.

Serves you right for not wearing combat boots in a danger zone.

Colon
19-11-2005, 05:03:58
His whole house is a danger zone.

The Mad Monk
19-11-2005, 06:23:28
Only when he's there.

Fergus & The Brazen Car
19-11-2005, 10:15:02
Originally posted by Lazarus and the Gimp
one of those poofty little dances


Otherwise known as clumsy het dad does disco dancing at party to embarrass pre-pubescent spawn.

Were you also wearing a comfortable yet shapeless cardigan, or perhaps a velour track suit top ?

Dyl Ulenspiegel
19-11-2005, 13:28:16
Laz and Jhn ;Iller, the two horseman of the modern apocalypse.....

Lazarus and the Gimp
19-11-2005, 15:04:34
Originally posted by Fergus & The Brazen Car
Otherwise known as clumsy het dad does disco dancing at party to embarrass pre-pubescent spawn.



Actually, on reflection, it was more like a brief rendition of "Riverdance" as performed by a stroke victim.

Alexander's Horse
19-11-2005, 15:48:08
sounds normal at my house

Fergus & The Brazen Car
19-11-2005, 15:59:41
Originally posted by Lazarus and the Gimp
Actually, on reflection, it was more like a brief rendition of "Riverdance" as performed by a stroke victim.


There's never a video camera around for that 'You've Been Framed' moment, is there ?


Clearly you need Gimp CCTV all around the house, to capture the golden glow of those first vague glimmerings of early onset dementia and Parkinson's.


What a treat for the twilight years, and children's parties!

Dyl Ulenspiegel
19-11-2005, 16:11:14
"Big Gimp" on dutch TV

Lazarus and the Gimp
19-11-2005, 21:04:35
9 weeks of 24/7 footage of a disgruntled pensions manager attempting to cope with barely suppressed anger while avoiding swearing in front of the kids (which would cause his beloved wife to kick his teeth in).

Dyl Ulenspiegel
19-11-2005, 22:09:17
Sounds great

BigGameHunter
20-11-2005, 07:33:05
I came home from a recent business trip to find my oldest son had the worst shiner I have ever seen on another human being.
All parties were disturbingly mum on its origins.

devilmunchkin
20-11-2005, 08:13:43
your luck sounds about like mine...at least your children don't hurt themselves for fun. I remember my sister walked around with a perpetual bruise on her forhead b/c she liked to bang her head on the floor

Oerdin
20-11-2005, 19:16:05
Your sister sounds... interesting.

devilmunchkin
21-11-2005, 04:10:06
she is...was the active, sadistic one of us kids. granted, she's calmed down alot and is a good kid now. but for awhile, she had me worried. she's one of the ppl who sees others get hurt and would laugh...and did not mind being the one who was doing the hurting. my poor brother suffered so....and he is older.

Colon
21-11-2005, 12:02:11
You're that goth aren't you?

Dyl Ulenspiegel
21-11-2005, 12:20:39
Originally posted by devilmunchkin
I remember my sister walked around with a perpetual bruise on her forhead b/c she liked to bang her head on the floor

Did she also like to nail people's heads to the floor?

JM^3
21-11-2005, 14:31:55
Originally posted by devilmunchkin
she is...was the active, sadistic one of us kids. granted, she's calmed down alot and is a good kid now. but for awhile, she had me worried. she's one of the ppl who sees others get hurt and would laugh...and did not mind being the one who was doing the hurting. my poor brother suffered so....and he is older.

Those were the two you helped care for?

JM

Japher
21-11-2005, 14:37:50
it shows

Lazarus and the Gimp
21-11-2005, 21:15:51
That's kids. Even the cutest goes psycho every once in a while.

Colon
22-11-2005, 01:20:57
Didn't you use to be a goth too? I'm spotting a pattern here...

Lazarus and the Gimp
22-11-2005, 21:57:55
Used to? I still am. It's like the freemasons- for life. Even if you stopped back-combing your hair 10 years ago.