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Resource Consumer
17-11-2005, 14:11:14
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees

DATE: 4th November 2005

RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00p.m.. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time, however, no gift should be over 10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! The MD will make a special announcement at the Party.

Merry Christmas to you and your Family.

Pauline


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FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 5th November 2005

RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We recognise that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our 'Holiday Party'.. The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your
enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Pauline.



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FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 6th November 2005

RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!!How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed
now since the Union Officials feel that 10.00 is too much money and Management believe 10.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Pauline.


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FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 7th November 2005

RE: Holiday Part

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th
begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've
arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table too. To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people.
Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first.. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!

Pauline.


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FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All F****** Employees

DATE: 8 November 2005

RE: The ******** Holiday Party.

Vegetarianpunks I've had it with you people !!! We're going to
keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you so quaintly put it, you'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes, But you know tomatoes have feeling too, They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing the scream right NOW!! I hope you all have a rotten holiday, drink drive and die.

The b***h from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director

DATE: 9th November 2005

RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy
recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.

Japher
17-11-2005, 14:16:21
:lol:

MoSe
17-11-2005, 16:34:17
yeah, I always told that PCness is EEEEVIL, fuck the minorities dictatorship!

:lol:

Venom
17-11-2005, 17:52:51
Whatever happened to shaming minorities into silence and assimilation. I miss those days.

JM^3
17-11-2005, 17:53:42
I have seen this before

JM

The Norks
17-11-2005, 18:11:39
My current company doesnt have a big Christmas do because no one could agree on what they wanted and they won't just say one thing or the other because they say they won't please everyone, and the local dept do we had wasnt allowed to be called a Christmas party because we had a jehovah in the dept. It also had to be budgeted for as an end of year meeting, so we had to work all day doing stupid team building exercises, trust games and talking about how if the company was a car, what part of the car we saw our department as.

I nearly stabbed myself with a pen just so I could have something more worthwhile to do.

The Mad Monk
17-11-2005, 18:46:09
Research has found that people are now associating the X in XMas with "Christ", so to avoid offending those of other faiths, we are to now refer to the holiday as ZMas.

Japher
17-11-2005, 18:55:08
Zmas and Zpas

Venom
17-11-2005, 19:06:56
Originally posted by The Mad Monk
Research has found that people are now associating the X in XMas with "Christ", so to avoid offending those of other faiths, we are to now refer to the holiday as ZMas.

So if Christ=x, and x=z then z=Christ.

MoSe
18-11-2005, 11:47:14
Originally posted by The Norks
I nearly stabbed myself with a pen just so I could have something more worthwhile to do.
like bleeding??????

paiktis22
18-11-2005, 16:04:12
lowers hematocrit