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Japher
14-11-2005, 15:10:43
I have a problem with a coworker. So, I figure what better place to get advice than CG?!

:lol:

Anyway

Everyone I work with is pretty kewl. We are all laid back and work hard to get our work done. None of us are ever swamped and thus have ample time to screw around. All of us, that is, except Mary.

Mary is quite incompetent. She has microbiology degree, but I wonder which magazine she ordered it out of. She is unable to perform her work with the same aptitude or with the same knowledge that the rest of us do. Thus, Mary is always behind in her work. Any attempt to help her results in you doing it all for her. The boss' come down on her quite often because she never has anything done when she's suppose to, and has even lied about having work done when she hasn't. It has taken her 3 days to write a memo that would of taken anyone else, even the office boy, 1 hour to write. She has applied for many other jobs within the company, but has not been offered one because no one around her likes her. Our group has tried to make her feel welcome, and to help her as much as possible, but lately she has crossed the line...

One of my coworkers is a black lady who is very very talented at her position. She recently received a promotion, despite being here 6 months less than Mary. Mary told her, to her face, that she only got the promotion because she was black.

Another one of my coworkers is an expert at multitasking and delegation. He has earned the trust and respect of many within the company. He is very smart and does what he does well. Because of this he has about 2-3 hours a day to screw around. He plays Checkers or Euchere at Yahoo when he has the time, but is always willing to help others when they need help and if he has the time. Mary told his boss that he plays checkers "all the time". No harm came to him because of this, because of his reputation, but this is really no place her to be sticking her nose.

Basically we are sick of her and her antics. We tired of her no good, lazy, selfish, rumor spreading ass being not only in the same cubefarm, but in the same department as the rest us.

Help me CG, what should I do... You're my only hope.

Venom
14-11-2005, 15:23:39
Kill her.

Kitsuki
14-11-2005, 15:25:22
Kill her.

Mr. Bas
14-11-2005, 15:27:08
Shit on her desk.

Tizzy
14-11-2005, 15:33:13
And then kill her.

Kitsuki
14-11-2005, 15:37:50
Dammit, I wanted that line Tizzy!

Lurker the Second
14-11-2005, 15:39:55
Morons, he left out the most important part and you still want to kill her? Bah.

Funko
14-11-2005, 15:43:30
Whether she's fit or not you mean?

Gary
14-11-2005, 15:53:55
She probably lacks self confidence. Maybe she has been promoted beyond where she feels comfortable. She sees she is getting nowhere in the company and people who come latey are offered good positions. And on top of it all, others spend time "screwing around" and thinking that's ok, while she's still "sweating" at something all day, worried about the lack of progress she's making on it.

She isn't happy, you ain't happy, it ain't going to cure itself unless someone starts acting responsibly.

She needs a tutor. Maybe her boss. Needs to guide her through the stuff that she isn't comfortable with as many times as it takes (within reason) until she can cope without problem. Guide her to the position where she too can take time out for herself.

Her boss ought to take her aside in private, ask why the memo took so long. What was she worried about that meant she didn't tackle it, or did but felt it was never right/finished.

You guys need some people management skills - perhaps the company does a course ?

Japher
14-11-2005, 16:41:17
Her boss has done a lot of hand holding with her. Thing is, she just doesn't catch on at all. She watches you do whatever it is that needs to be done over and over until it is done and she did nothing.

No, she's not hot.

The boss' are afraid to fire her because they have had a string of bad employees lately, in their department. They have cut most of the fat, but fear that doing more, now, wouldn't reflect well on them. So, they keep her around so they don't look bad.

Definitly management's problem.

Venom
14-11-2005, 17:28:11
Originally posted by Japher
No, she's not hot.


Question answered. Definitely kill her.

Lurker the Second
14-11-2005, 17:57:10
Ok, then. Next time, Japher, try to include the important details.

mr.G
15-11-2005, 07:33:54
I think she will kill herself in time.
just wait and ask her schjtoepit questions like:

- hey you !!! dudesse are the parioloppartghousious files ready orr not?
and then walk away.......
- Then ask another coworker to ask the same question like 5 minutes later...... and so on and so on.....

- she will jump....jesjes......she will

Japher
15-11-2005, 13:35:07
I think she might

she's about 2 months away from a straight jacket

especially since her husband quit his job and has been slacking around the house doing nothing.

mr.G
15-11-2005, 13:36:26
see problem solved
steel her banana every day..... that will teach her

MDA
15-11-2005, 13:47:00
kill her, and eat her bones - picker

MDA
15-11-2005, 13:50:19
we frequently have people like that in government work- you just work around them and make sure they never get any cool or important projects to work on

if they're really bad, you "encourage" them to transfer to another center full of equally unpleasant people

Chris
15-11-2005, 14:45:45
Punch her in the gut.

Oerdin
15-11-2005, 14:52:55
All of my co-workers seem really good at what they do and since I'm the new guy I want to make a good impression on them. I've been taking work home at night (not a lot but some) because I want people to think of me as a guy who gets stuff done and done right the first time.

This lady sounds like dead weight though we just have what you've told us to go by. Is she just disorganized or is she lazy? If the answer is the former then maybe get the office secretary to buy her an organizer so she stops missing deadlines but if it is the later then don't get involved in the office whisper campaign and just concentrate on doing your job. Everyone knows who the lazy & incompetent people are and the management will get around to replacing her when they can.

Chris
15-11-2005, 14:59:35
And you should punch her in the gut.

Japher
15-11-2005, 15:00:37
I'm not violent

mr.G
15-11-2005, 15:01:11
I'm not Jon Miller

Japher
15-11-2005, 15:02:05
I'm not Keith

Chris
15-11-2005, 15:03:39
Violence solves everything you wuss.

Japher
15-11-2005, 15:06:10
ok, I punched her in the gut

she's still annoying

Chris
15-11-2005, 15:08:27
Keep spiking her coffee with laxatives, then report her for excessive bathroom breaks.

mr.G
15-11-2005, 15:18:42
POKE HER IN THE EYES WIZZ YOUR DICK!!!!!

Japher
15-11-2005, 15:19:11
:lol:

good idea Chris

MDA
16-11-2005, 12:28:41
never underestimate the value of a well-placed whoopie cushion

Japher
16-11-2005, 13:42:19
she'd probably cry

King_Ghidra
16-11-2005, 13:44:17
Originally posted by Oerdin
maybe get the office secretary to buy her an organizer

See how Oerdin brilliantly cut to the heart of the matter.

Problem solved!

Japher
16-11-2005, 13:49:10
I don't think that will help

She spent 3 hours yesterday staring at the same 2 pages of data

she doesn't know what she is doing

King_Ghidra
16-11-2005, 13:52:09
that's nothing, i spent hours yesterday staring at the same internet page

countersomething it was called

Japher
16-11-2005, 13:54:36
yeah... I think I've heard of it

punch of assholes

Drekkus
16-11-2005, 13:55:08
Put a bloody horse head in her cubicle, then tell her she really crossed the line making such a mess.

Scabrous Birdseed
16-11-2005, 13:56:57
If she's crap at what she's doing, have the company teach her to do something else. Surely the company has some in-house training scheme she could "benefit" from.

Cruddy
16-11-2005, 23:20:35
One thing seems clear to me - she isn't able to concentrate.

Now, it COULD just be that she has a major problem in her life that she doesn't dare share with anyone.

2 approaches;

1) (Difficult) Approach her yourself and find out what the fuck is wrong.

2) (Easy) Approach your boss and ask them to investigate. Do it from a "concerned coworker" angle rather than "Mary is a complete Bitch and everyone agrees we should kill her".

Greg W
17-11-2005, 04:00:57
Well, it seems odd that someone with a microbiology degree would need 3 days to write a memo. Either there's something majorly wrong with her, aka mental issues caused by hubby or something else of a similar vein. Or she slept her way to a degree.

I'm betting on the former, similar to what Cruddy suggests.

Drekkus
17-11-2005, 10:21:23
Maybe she keeps forgetting what she wants to write on the memo.

Kitsuki
17-11-2005, 10:26:04
New idea - show her this thread - and with any luck, she'll kill herself.

mr.G
17-11-2005, 11:33:04
brilliant

Japher
17-11-2005, 20:15:54
The new joke around the office:

How do you spell idiot?

M-A-R-Y

Venom
17-11-2005, 20:18:01
Poor Mary.

Japher
17-11-2005, 20:24:12
We tried feeling sorry for her

After telling one person that they got promoted for being black
and telling another person's boss how they waste time

she gets no sympathy

Lurker the Second
17-11-2005, 20:48:30
This thread is really about me, isn't it? :(

Venom
17-11-2005, 20:48:36
Bad Mary.

mr.G
17-11-2005, 20:50:05
Originally posted by Lurker the Second
This thread is really about me, isn't it? :( jesjes proud mary

Venom
17-11-2005, 20:51:13
Originally posted by Lurker the Second
This thread is really about me, isn't it? :(

What a great event that could. 2 co-workers posting here unbeknownst to each other. And talking shit about each other.

Fistandantilus
17-11-2005, 20:56:12
:lol:

Caligastia
17-11-2005, 22:41:15
It doesn't sound like there's much you can do except wait...deadwood always gets weeded out eventually.

DaShi
17-11-2005, 23:11:32
Originally posted by Greg W
Well, it seems odd that someone with a microbiology degree would need 3 days to write a memo. Either there's something majorly wrong with her, aka mental issues caused by hubby or something else of a similar vein. Or she slept her way to a degree.

I'm betting on the former, similar to what Cruddy suggests.

They give away microbiology degrees. Even I have one.

Colon
17-11-2005, 23:14:45
What's the difference between microbiology and regular biology anyway? You got macrobiology as well?

DaShi
17-11-2005, 23:21:45
Regular biology is for people who can't focus.

:groan:

Colon
17-11-2005, 23:27:38
Oh ok.

So what's the difference between regular biology and microbiology then? Is there any macrobiology too?

DaShi
17-11-2005, 23:42:26
Back in my day, you could major in both, which I did. The difference was ecology. That's it.

MDA
18-11-2005, 12:08:22
nowadays it includes a handful of courses in microbiology (of course), ecology/environmental biology, and immunology - but its almost like taking a minor degree with a major in biology for an undergraduate.

Drekkus
18-11-2005, 12:23:48
Originally posted by DaShi
Regular biology is for people who can't focus.

:groan: But I don't want any regular biology :cry: