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HelloKitty
14-10-2005, 19:02:40
Post yours.

Feel free to steal from others.

Young lady goes to Doctor with abdominal twinges. He runs the usual gamut of tests, and sit her down.
"Well Miss Green," he says, "I hope you are looking forward to many long sleepless nights, filled with crying and changing dirty nappies."
"Why?" she replies, "Am I pregnant?"
"No - You have bowel cancer"

Lazarus and the Gimp
14-10-2005, 19:14:03
A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a fancy dress party. He doesn’t know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company for suggestions.



A few days later he receives a parcel with a note:

"Dear Sir, please find enclosed a pirate’s outfit.

The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head, and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a pirate."

The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasised his wooden leg, so he writes a letter of complaint.



A week passes and he receives another parcel and note:

"Dear Sir, sorry about the previous parcel.

Please find enclosed a monk’s habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg, and with your bald head you will really look the part."

The man is furious now, because the company has gone from emphasising his wooden leg to drawing attention to his bald head. So he writes a very rude letter of complaint.



A few days later he gets a very small parcel from the company with the accompanying letter:

"Dear Sir, please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup.

Pour the golden syrup over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your arse, and go as a fucking toffee apple."

Gary
14-10-2005, 19:36:16
Young lady goes to Doctor with abdominal twinges. He runs the usual gamut of tests, and sit her down.
"Well Miss Green," he says, "I hope you are looking forward to many long sleepless nights, filled with crying and changing dirty nappies."
"Why?" she replies, "Am I pregnant?"
"No - You have bowel cancer"

HelloKitty
14-10-2005, 19:38:28
:D

self biased
14-10-2005, 20:07:09
why is a woman like a tornado?

when she comes, she twists and turns. when she leaves, she takes the house and the car.

Lazarus and the Gimp
14-10-2005, 20:33:00
I thought it was because she was violent, self-centred and only blows rarely.

Cruddy
14-10-2005, 23:06:35
What is the difference between a woman and a refridgerator ?

Fridges don't fart when you take your meat out of them.

self biased
15-10-2005, 18:38:16
Originally posted by Lazarus and the Gimp
I thought it was because she was violent, self-centred and only blows rarely.

i pity you, laz...

MoSe
17-10-2005, 10:14:51
I'll go along with the qualityt here (hope the tralsation works)

In a hotel a guy takes the lift with a whore.
"ugh, what a sperm stench!"
"oh, sorry, I burped"

hhhmmmm... it sounded funnier when I was a teenager

Debaser
17-10-2005, 10:37:48
Why did the baker have brown hands?

Cos he kneaded a shit.


this is n't really bad or rude I know...

Colon
17-10-2005, 10:37:56
Originally posted by MoSe
I'll go along with the qualityt here (hope the tralsation works)

In a hotel a guy takes the lift with a whore.
"ugh, what a sperm stench!"
"oh, sorry, I burped"

hhhmmmm... it sounded funnier when I was a teenager

Which one of the two is burping?

MoSe
17-10-2005, 10:42:59
the one who swallowed, of course

Colon
17-10-2005, 10:47:08
So we should just assume the whore isn't transexual and the guy not gay, or what?

MoSe
17-10-2005, 11:10:08
whatever floats your both

Greg W
17-10-2005, 13:13:03
A woman the other day asked me to give her 12 inches and make her bleed. So I fucked her 4 times, and punched her in the mouth.

What's green and eats meat?
Syphilis.

What's Green and smells of pork?
Kermit's finger.

What do you tell a woman with a black eye?
Nothing, you've already told her once.

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
If she didn't listen the first two times...

Provost Harrison
17-10-2005, 13:15:35
:eek:

:lol:

Japher
17-10-2005, 13:15:36
Why do women wear make-up and perfume? Because they're ugly and they smell funny.

---

What would you call the Flinstones if they were black? Niggers

Greg W
17-10-2005, 13:22:54
A woman told me that she'd show me how tight she was. She started by telling me to stick one finger in. Then a second. A third, fourth, and eventually the thumb. Followed shortly by pushing the hand in up to the wrist. Then she told me to put my other hand in. When I had done so she said "Now, try and clap". When I couldn't, she said "See, told you I was tight".

Greg W
17-10-2005, 13:24:26
Why do they call a pap smear a pap smear? Cos if they called it a cunt scrape, nobody would have one.

Colon
17-10-2005, 13:46:53
What's green and if it falls on you, kills you?

A football field.

mr.G
17-10-2005, 13:52:31
How do you call Peppie and Kokkie in Germany.


Peppie und Kokkie

Colon
17-10-2005, 14:08:48
How do you call Peppie and Kokkie in France?

Peppie et Kokkie.

mr.G
17-10-2005, 14:12:09
:lol:

Colon
17-10-2005, 14:17:44
What do you call Peppie and Kokkie in Britain?








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....
























....








Peppie and Kokkie!

mr.G
17-10-2005, 14:19:28
What do you call Peppie and Kokkie in Belgium?




Peppie en Kokkie

Colon
17-10-2005, 14:20:52
What do you call Peppie and Kokkie in The Netherlands?

Peppie en Kokkie.

mr.G
17-10-2005, 14:22:39
well Peppie died last year ...............

What do you call Peppie and Kokkie in The Netherlands?
dead Peppie en Kokkie.

Colon
17-10-2005, 14:31:21
So kokkie is still alive?

What do you call Peppie and Kokkie in The Netherlands?

Dead Peppie en living Kokkie.