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Cruddy
11-10-2005, 22:00:22
So, I've got this New Zealand friend called Wolfie. See him around town a bit. He's an oddjob/handyman, lives hand to mouth, likes to be close to his kids and estranged wife.

Anyway, I see him coming out of a mutual friend's, ask how it's going, and he just says;-

"Er... had a bit of a fire at my gaff. I've got to trot".

I didn't think anything about it until I went to see his neighbour.

Wolfie lives in the upstairs flat - he's got (had) a lodger.

ALL THAT WAS LEFT was the walls. No roof, no floors, nothing.

His lodger was woken by the fire and broke his leg jumping out of the Window.

His downstairs neighbour raised the alarm and collapsed through smoke inhalation. Thankfully the firebrigade were very quick off the mark and got him out - he's OK in hospital.

The neighbour (who I'd gone to see) just said; "Yeah, I was in at the time. I thought I had a fever or something. I was so hot, sweating like a pig. Then I reached to turn off the telly and burned my hand and realised something was really WRONG."

A BIT OF A FIRE? Christ, he's burnt out, his lodger is burnt out, his neighbour is burnt out, both of the latter are in hospital.

What happens after a nuclear strike?

"Oh, heard a bit of a bang".

:clueless:

MattHiggs
11-10-2005, 22:07:13
:lol:

You gotta love Aussies!

Debaser
11-10-2005, 22:08:40
Er... Aussies aren't from New Zealand...

MattHiggs
11-10-2005, 22:16:49
100-0

Too damn easy! :D

Cruddy
11-10-2005, 22:18:54
Originally posted by MattHiggs
:lol:

You gotta love Aussies!

It's easier when they've just lost the Ashes.

Provost Harrison
11-10-2005, 23:45:41
Looks like your Kiwi friend has no shortage of ashes now :D

Cruddy
12-10-2005, 00:50:30
For fuck's sake PH, NZ is 1,000s of miles from bloody Oz.

It's like me calling you a Mexican.

Mind you, it's probably the best thing that could have happened to his home. The former tenant had decided the Martians were trying to brainwash them with electricity so they ripped all the wiring out.

Hence the candles. Hence the fire.

Poor sod will probably do time for criminal negligence when the cops catch up with him.

Provost Harrison
12-10-2005, 01:28:01
I never said anything about the Kiwis and Ozzies being the same, just that 'The Ashes' were mentioned in the preceeding post. You know, sometimes you lot are like beating my head on a brick wall. Why not take up the issue of Kiwi/Oz identity with the person who mentioned it?

Greg W
12-10-2005, 03:07:51
Thousands of miles, eh? I'm not sure that 1500 (give or take - it's 1534 from Sydney to Auckland) counts as thousands... :p

Gary
12-10-2005, 03:52:56
Of course they're both the same Ozzies are just Kiwis who forefathers lost their way, when they emigrated down under. :)

Qaj the Fuzzy Love Worm
12-10-2005, 04:21:01
Yeah, us upsidedown folks do understate things a bit.

Oerdin
12-10-2005, 09:02:41
Did they find what caused the fire? It would suck to find the tenet was smoking weed and passed out in his bed or something.

Shining1
12-10-2005, 14:32:04
She'll be right though. =)

MDA
12-10-2005, 15:17:35
I thought they were exiled down under? :p

Greg W
12-10-2005, 21:38:45
Originally posted by Shining1
She'll be right though. =) She's Apples mate. :)

Cruddy
13-10-2005, 00:24:06
Originally posted by Oerdin
Did they find what caused the fire? It would suck to find the tenet was smoking weed and passed out in his bed or something.

Well, electrical fault is out.

Silly sod probably just left a candle burning and went out.

Originally posted by GregW
Thousands of miles, eh? I'm not sure that 1500 (give or take - it's 1534 from Sydney to Auckland) counts as thousands...

How do you know? Used a tape measure?

Yeah, but Kiwis hate being mistaken for Aussies.

Aussies take it as a compliment because Kiwis kick our arse at Rugby. ;)

Greg W
13-10-2005, 03:53:22
Yes, in a stroke of luck my 1600 mile tape measure was just big enough for the job.

Cruddy
13-10-2005, 11:58:16
Bah. It just stretched, that's all.

MDA
13-10-2005, 12:04:27
His 1600 mile tape measure is in reality only five inches long. :)

Greg W
13-10-2005, 12:51:21
I do have a 400 mile long dick, dammit! :bash:

King_Ghidra
13-10-2005, 13:24:08
congratulations, you're an unfuckable freak

Funko
13-10-2005, 13:26:10
That's not the first time he's heard that.

King_Ghidra
13-10-2005, 14:10:30
careers advisors can be so brutal

Shining1
13-10-2005, 14:30:05
:lol:

Greg W
13-10-2005, 21:38:55
Originally posted by Funko
That's not the first time he's heard that. Not the last either...