View Full Version : Things you'd like to say out loud at work

28-09-2005, 14:27:27
(might have been already posted)

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying.

10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.

11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.

14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

24. Do I look like a people person?

25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

36. Chaos, panic, & disorder-my work here is done.

37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.

39. Who lit the fuse on your tampon? :-)

40. Oh I get it... like humor... but different

28-09-2005, 17:42:55
Alright mate, hows married life been treating you then?

28-09-2005, 18:28:01
He's SO 'under-the-thumb'

28-09-2005, 23:47:20
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!? :lol:

28-09-2005, 23:50:59
many good ones :lol:

29-09-2005, 00:26:59
in the same spirit

29-09-2005, 01:22:19
I have said many of those things or similar at work. Whats the point?

29-09-2005, 04:36:12
I once told a customer that I couldn't help him since my wand of wonder was out of charges.

03-10-2005, 06:36:22
I frequently involve talking about beating up people in my class when making medical analogies. If I need to describe bruising, swelling, bleeding, etc, I use "If I were to walk up to XXXXX and slash her across the face with a knife..." analogies.

03-10-2005, 06:41:01

how do your students feel?


03-10-2005, 06:48:29
i literally laughed...i would love to say most of that..
here's one:

03-10-2005, 06:59:39
Originally posted by JM^3

how do your students feel?


They think I am joking. One day someone will get offended and report m to the Dean I am sure.

College students are masochists. If you know how to teach you can torment them and they think you are doing it for thier benefit rather than yor own amusement. I won awards each semester for 2 years as "faculty ranked excellent by their students". Strange since I am staff and not faculty, but the sheet of paper that didn't come with a cash award looks great at the dump. My eval forms are hilarious.

03-10-2005, 07:09:14

my eval forms were also hilarious.. but

a number of my students:
hated me personally
didn't think I used enough analogies
thought I was absolutely the laziest person ever
thought I should be more chipper at 8am
thought I was the most worthless TA ever
thought the questions were written poorly
etc (they were funny on the sheets, some of their complaints about me were valid, others I had nothing to do with)

I did get a few that were
everything I learned in physics was due to Jon Miller

but there weren't nearly enough of those

I didn't get any awards

Jon Miller

03-10-2005, 07:13:23
When I first starting teaching university students in China, I was in a pissy mood so I treated my students like shit and wasn't happy unless I got one to storm out and/or cry. Eventually, I became nice. :cute:

However, when I teach little kids, I can pretty much say whatever I want, because I often do it as a sub and the kids don't understand anyway. Although, I did successfully teach one group, "Talk to the hand."

Sir Penguin
03-10-2005, 15:46:06
Originally posted by HelloKitty
I have said many of those things or similar at work. Whats the point?
That you can safely walk into work without any pants on. I guarantee it.


03-10-2005, 18:32:28
I am going to tell the Honors kids that it is tradition to go to their extra section in costume the week before halloween, just to see if any show up around the 20th in outfits.

03-10-2005, 18:40:09
41. It would NOT need fixing, hadn't YOU broken it. [Real MoSe]

04-10-2005, 09:17:07
Ah, firing up the blamethrower.

04-10-2005, 11:01:12
It's OK being solution-focused, but I realise I never decided in the end whether it was worse hearing a user say
"The file vanished" or
"The file ~got erased~"

04-10-2005, 11:09:22
"It just disappeared" is definitely worse.
It's not so bad if they say "sorry, I screwed up and accidentally deleted it", fair enough, everyone does that.
But when they try to insist it just magically vanished with no help from them - :shoot:

It's along the lines of
"My computer's broken"
"Well what were you doing when it stopped working?"
"Nothing? Nothing at all? You were just staring at the screen and not touching anything?"
"Well, actually I........"

04-10-2005, 11:16:12
Originally posted by Tizzy
"It just disappeared" is definitely worse.

well, OK...
I haven't tho maybe properly conveyed a typical italian expressions that sounds like "the file erased itself" without being so explicit....

("Il file si cancellato", it sounds rather vague and impersonal, to which you must resist replying "WHO erased it, did it erase itself on its own???")

04-10-2005, 11:21:05
another one

"You told me to make some room in my overflowing HD, so I removed some useless files marked 'system' which were cluttering it up"
"Fine, now I suggest you store your data in your brain, for sure there's a lot useless 'system' cells to remove there too"

Provost Harrison
04-10-2005, 11:53:43
"Oh fuck!"

Oh wait, I do that anyway ;)

04-10-2005, 11:56:40
My boss is an ass

04-10-2005, 12:03:25
Originally posted by JM^3

a number of my students:
thought the questions were written poorly

Jon Miller