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Drekkus
26-09-2005, 13:13:54
1. It is always possible to find a parking spot directly outside or opposite the building you are visiting.

Kitsuki
26-09-2005, 13:15:39
2. Its possible to never eat/sleep/go to the toilet.

Drekkus
26-09-2005, 13:15:45
2. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

Drekkus
26-09-2005, 13:16:12
5. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it's the door to a burning building with a child inside.

Drekkus
26-09-2005, 13:16:44
7. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.

Drekkus
26-09-2005, 13:17:50
10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris

Drekkus
26-09-2005, 13:18:19
11. Any police officer about to retire from the force will more often than not die on their last day (especially if their family have planned a party). (Caveat: Detectives can only solve a case after they have been suspended from duty).

Drekkus
26-09-2005, 13:18:57
14. On a police stake-out, the action will only ever take place when food is being consumed and scalding hot coffees are perched precariously on the dashboard . . .

Drekkus
26-09-2005, 13:19:18
15. All grocery shopping involves the purchase of French loaves which will be placed in open brown paper bags (Caveat: when said bags break, only fruit will spill out).

Funko
26-09-2005, 13:19:26
17. There are almost no ugly people in the world but the few there are are all evil

Drekkus
26-09-2005, 13:19:41
17. If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around you in a threatening manner until you have defeated their predecessor.

Drekkus
26-09-2005, 13:21:38
22. No matter how savagely a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.

Funko
26-09-2005, 13:21:39
22. No matter how badly you damage a car it will continue to drive really, really fast.

Drekkus
26-09-2005, 13:22:01
23. If being chased through a city you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.

Funko
26-09-2005, 13:22:19
:lol:
Genius x-posting.

Drekkus
26-09-2005, 13:22:23
24. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.

Drekkus
26-09-2005, 13:22:50
Originally posted by Funko
:lol:
Genius x-posting. well done :)

Drekkus
26-09-2005, 13:23:14
25. You will survive any battle in any war UNLESS you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

Drekkus
26-09-2005, 13:23:35
26. Prostitutes always look like Julia Roberts or Jamie Lee Curtis. They have expensive clothes and nice apartments but no pimps. They are friendly with the shopkeepers in their neighbourhood who don't mind at all what the girl does for a living.

Drekkus
26-09-2005, 13:23:58
29. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at once (it's called Stallone's Law).

Drekkus
26-09-2005, 13:24:23
33. All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach to armpit level on a woman but only up to the waist of the man lying beside her.

Drekkus
26-09-2005, 13:24:45
34. Anyone can land a 747 as long as there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

Drekkus
26-09-2005, 13:25:07
35. During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

Drekkus
26-09-2005, 13:25:46
38. In Middle America, all gas station attendants have red handkerchiefs hanging out of their back pockets.

MoSe
26-09-2005, 13:25:57
so next one is 26. actually

Drekkus
26-09-2005, 13:26:50
There are 40, actually, but I didn't find them all that convincing/funny.

http://www.nostalgiacentral.com/features/20moviethings.htm

Funko
26-09-2005, 13:28:45
42. If you jump out of an aeroplane without a parachute you can easily catch the guy who jumped out before you and use his.

protein
26-09-2005, 13:47:50
I thought you were coming up with those.

Japher
26-09-2005, 13:53:16
too clever for Drekkuys

Drekkus
26-09-2005, 14:00:32
yes.

mr.G
26-09-2005, 15:01:16
jesjes

protein
26-09-2005, 15:05:46
10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.

18. If a microphone is turned on it will immediately feedback. :lol:

That one really annoys me. Whenever someone makes a speech that goes badly the mic feeds back and someone coughs. Every time. If it goes well, nobody needs to cough and the mic never feeds back.

protein
26-09-2005, 15:08:42
Although, I think Sam's wedding kind of proved that to be the case sometimes.

Lurker the Second
26-09-2005, 15:12:47
Nice counting.

protein
26-09-2005, 15:13:58
Once I realised that Drekkus was just cutting and pasting from that website I thought I'd do the same.

Funko
26-09-2005, 15:14:28
I made my own up.

You even managed to copy one that Drekkus already copied!

Drekkus
26-09-2005, 15:18:13
Let me make this very clear, I will never make something up.

King_Ghidra
26-09-2005, 16:14:56
Originally posted by Drekkus
33. All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach to armpit level on a woman but only up to the waist of the man lying beside her.

this is a good one, those kind of things always piss me off

like when they show the scene in bed after sex and the woman still has her underwear on

no wet spots either :lol:

Funko
26-09-2005, 16:21:49
Speaking of which...

45. You can get undressed to get into bed with someone without ever having to bend over and look stupid whilst you are, for instance, taking your socks off.

Vincent
26-09-2005, 17:26:33
104. Bizarre alien language and computer codes can be translated into modern day english quite easily (in a few hours)

Funko
26-09-2005, 17:27:07
198. The baddies are English

Nills Lagerbaak
26-09-2005, 17:28:59
That's not true. First the baddies were German, then English, now mostly of arabic origin.

People carrying window panes across roads attract the only cops and robbers chase in town.

Vincent
26-09-2005, 17:33:48
96. Evil germans have terrible german accents, when spaking english, but terrible american accents, when spaking german

Funko
26-09-2005, 17:34:28
Yes, it doesn't matter how many cars the guys with the windows avoid, as soon as they relax and think they are safe that's when the glass gets smashed

Vincent
26-09-2005, 17:38:05
19b. A gang of kids always contains a fat kid (funny) and one kid with glasses (clever)

Vincent
26-09-2005, 17:48:38
97 There's no way to stop a car with broken brakes. It will accelerate to 120 mph.

Debaser
26-09-2005, 17:50:01
1088.11.2: Young kids are always smarter than their older siblings

fp
26-09-2005, 19:08:17
129. Girls with glasses and their hair up are ugly. Girls without glasses and their hair down are pretty. This could be the same girl.

178. When entering a scary building at night, do not attempt to turn the light switch on. It's bound to be broken, right?

311. There's always a bigger fish.

376. There is no such thing as a pussy fart.

411. God damn it, Detective, your maverick attitude has no place in this department.

512. Only cool kids work in the record store. Only geeks work in the video store.

679. When police cars crash their sirens always make a pathetic whining noise.

690. Everybody can type at 215 words per minute on a keyboard.

734. When channel hoping, there will always be a nature program, a basketball game and a chat show on. In that order.

Chris
26-09-2005, 19:59:51
Weapons have limitless ammo.

Heros always survive no matter how deadly an explosion is (even nuclear weapons, see 'predator')

The Norks
26-09-2005, 20:58:39
when escaping a tidal wave/exploding building/alien spacecraft fire, you will have time to turn around and stare wide eyed at the horror unfolding behind you before scanning the horizon for the high place/sheltered area you will eventually run to, and you will remain unscathed but for a graze on your cheek

The Norks
26-09-2005, 21:00:42
when engaged in mortal combat with an enemy he will at some point find himself dangling precariously from a cliff edge/scaffolding/skyscraper and you will offer him your well intentioned hand in help. Once he has scrambled to safety he will try to kill you.

The Norks
26-09-2005, 21:01:10
Women orgasm every time, and no one sweats during sex.

The Norks
26-09-2005, 21:03:42
all black men are or have friends who are pimps/drug dealers/petty criminals, and utilise street skills to lead you to the information you need.

The Norks
26-09-2005, 21:05:21
all policemen have recently gone through a divorce and are no longer allowed to see their only child. They have possibly also been recently disciplined at work for being too much of a loose cannon.

The Norks
26-09-2005, 21:06:34
Men can aim all guns and hit their target continuously without aiming or bracing and while running/jumping

The Norks
26-09-2005, 21:08:39
you can jump from any moving vehicle and only your clothes will be damaged.

Oerdin
26-09-2005, 21:09:35
That last one is a good one. It is actually fairly difficult to shoot and takes practice to do well. Even then if you don't do it in a while you get rusty and need to go back to the range.

The Norks
26-09-2005, 21:09:48
Surgeons and doctors always have a specialist knowledge of your condition/injury and are ready and willing to try a revolutionary and unconventional new procedure to cure it.

The Norks
26-09-2005, 21:10:54
Guns do not to be reloaded

The Norks
26-09-2005, 21:12:13
Women who are emotionally closed off and wear their hair in tight french knots just need to be made love to by the right man to become fully rounded and start wearing their hair loose again.

The Norks
26-09-2005, 21:13:39
if you are shot in the leg, fear not, you will be able to keep running.

Oerdin
26-09-2005, 22:04:45
Originally posted by The Norks
Women who are emotionally closed off and wear their hair in tight french knots just need to be made love to by the right man to become fully rounded and start wearing their hair loose again.


Amen.

Nills Lagerbaak
27-09-2005, 10:01:27
Originally posted by The Norks
Women who are emotionally closed off and wear their hair in tight french knots just need to be made love to by the right man to become fully rounded and start wearing their hair loose again.


See Sliver with Sharon Stone.

mr.G
27-09-2005, 10:15:45
schjee schjliver schjtarring schjharon schjtone

mr.G
27-09-2005, 10:16:35
Originally posted by The Norks
Women orgasm every time, and no one sweats during sex. that is not only in Movies

Nills Lagerbaak
27-09-2005, 10:20:10
What? You've had your sweat glands removed?? FREAK!

mr.G
27-09-2005, 10:22:04
no i wear a sweater

Funko
27-09-2005, 10:49:29
Pervert

Drekkus
27-09-2005, 10:51:49
Pere vert.