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Lazarus and the Gimp
18-09-2005, 08:47:37
This puzzles me. I was married at 25 and a parent at 29. Among my peers, I was the last to do both so it felt like I was leaving things late.

However, by the standards of the people I've got to know on-line I feel pretty precocious. Most of those I associate with on-line are a few years younger than me, so are we seeing some widespread lifestyle changes?

Oerdin
18-09-2005, 09:55:33
My friends seem to have fallen into two catagories. Married & Divorced young (both in early 20's) or not married but several long relationships. Come to think of it only two of my friends have successful marriages; one knocked up his girlfriend at 19 (she was 18) and they got hitched right away while my best friend got married at 27 after dating for 4 years. three others have been married and divorced which makes me gun shy about the whole marriage thing even though I could have easily been married by now.

I'd rather just take it slow and enjoy vacations to tropical places which I'd never be able to afford if I had to buy junior new braces or other such stuff.

devilmunchkin
18-09-2005, 09:57:23
most of the ppl i knew in high school and college arn't married or have kids yet...
i'm 24 .. no marriage or kids in sight..so maybe not all things have changed?

then again, it's not uncommon in high school to see at least a few girls get pregnant along the way these days

Sir Penguin
18-09-2005, 16:11:55
When I was entering marriage data last summer, I was surprised at how few people got married before they were 20. Most of the young ones were probably in the 22-27 range.

SP

mr.G
18-09-2005, 16:22:07
i will marry
a zamboni jesjes

Martini
18-09-2005, 16:40:07
I'm not sure, but in comparison to various people I know, my life is still very much that of a 16 year old.

Without exception, the people I know in their 20's are all married or in long term relationships (by long term I mean over 2 years). 3 of them have children.

Even people my own age who are in the latter stages of uni are very 'settled' in terms of relationships, have a plan for families and careers etc.

I still feel very much the exception to the rule in my state of eternal singledom, happily drifting from town to town and bed to bed.

JM^3
18-09-2005, 17:19:39
So people in my highschool seemed to start life pretty early. Lots of the Hispanic girls would leave to get married part way through. And a decent number of girls were pregnant or left for other reasons. (~16)

A small majority of people completed highschool, and then went towork. While they might not get married righ away, they generally lived with someone, and often had kids with that person. (~19)

A few went on to college.

At College, the people I knew weren't married, or in long term relationships (For the most part). While some relationships ended up being long term, and leading to marriage, no one considered them seriously at the beggining of college. Towards the end a large minority started finding serious relationships, that a fair number ended in marriage. These marriages happened right after graduation to a year afterwards (~22).

My view after graduate school is biased because of hanging out with Physics Geeks. But it seems to me that there are the people who are married, then the people who are slowly working their way there, and then the people who are focused on other things or not good at relationships who are a long way off.

It seems to me that in the post college world, people have a harder time working towards a long term relationship, but that they are doing so, sometimes after they have worked on their career and the like. (~26-36)

Jon Miller

RedFred
18-09-2005, 17:42:24
...and then there is leaving it very late. :)

Neither me (age 45) or my fiancee (almost 33) have had prior marriages.

Greg W
18-09-2005, 20:04:42
You cradle snatcher you. :p

Scabrous Birdseed
18-09-2005, 21:36:20
Here only a minority of people get married or have kids before the age of 30. The former usually comes after the latter, if at all, BTW.

Drekkus
18-09-2005, 21:40:46
Same here. At least with people around me.

Oerdin
18-09-2005, 21:44:57
Most people still get married before having kids around here. It's a social pressure.

JM^3
18-09-2005, 22:28:47
a decent number of my college freinds got married, and have no intention of having kids int eh near future.. (at least didn't a year or so ago)

JM

self biased
18-09-2005, 23:11:42
i'm on laz's coattails... i'll be 26 when i'm married, and hopefully have a sprog before thirty.

Koshko
19-09-2005, 00:24:30
Almost 28 and not even dating. You youngsters.

self biased
19-09-2005, 00:29:01
i prefer the term "whipper-snapper."

devilmunchkin
19-09-2005, 05:07:51
i'd like kids before i'm 30.... dunno if that's gonna happen. my bf keeps saying if i ever get pregnant he's speeding me to the nearest abortion clinic. ....

JM^3
19-09-2005, 05:16:35
I want kids before I am 30 also

I am not so sure if I think that kind of attitude is all that good

often it means that the guy has some issues... (although I have had several freinds who have had similiar points of view)

among other things, it generally means that he isn't all that commited to you, and, at least currently, doesn't have the feelings and maturity to be in a long term relationship

now there might be a lot of other things going on, that I don't know about... so it might be nothing

but still, it is a warning sign, from what I have seen

JM

devilmunchkin
19-09-2005, 05:48:45
he's got plenty of issues..they're called HIS Parents. he's deathly afraid of being as bad a parent as they were..to the point where he doesn't want them.

Everytime i bring up the issue he doesn't want to talk about it seriously..I agree that this could be a BIG problem. My mother (granted she's nuts but that is another story) has told me to be prepared to go it alone if i get pregnant and he takes off if i won't get rid of it. not that i'm trying..i'm not in the least.

fp
19-09-2005, 07:26:42
Originally posted by devilmunchkin
my bf keeps saying if i ever get pregnant he's speeding me to the nearest abortion clinic. ....

Aww .. that's sweet.

:hmm:

King_Ghidra
19-09-2005, 09:11:09
well of my uni friends, two married each other immediately afterwards (so 22ish) two married each other at about 27, two more married each other at about 28. That leaves a few couples unmarried (including myself) and a few singles.

But none of them/us have kids.

Amongst the Reading crew (who are a bit younger than me) there are a few couples but again no children.

I know my gf wants kids, but i reckon i am a year or two away. She's only 25 so no rush :D

Funko
19-09-2005, 09:14:04
Of my uni friends 4 couples are married, 3 have kids. (under 30). Everyone else is in a long term relationship and unmarried.

Tizzy
19-09-2005, 11:00:34
It's pretty mixed among my friends. Of my group of friends from school (didn't go to uni), a couple of them are single and a couple of others got married mid 20s and now have kids.
It's only me who was daft enough to get married and divorced young.

mr.G
19-09-2005, 11:52:40
like the word daft

daft daft daft daft daft

Tizzy
19-09-2005, 11:54:23
It's like stjoepit but more accurate :)

mr.G
19-09-2005, 11:55:15
daft daft daft daft daft daft daft daft daft daft daft daft daft daft daft daft daft daft daft daft
:lol: life is great

Mr. Bas
19-09-2005, 12:07:06
I see a large difference between people that went/are going to uni and people who didn't... Among my peers in the first group, hardly anyone is married, I can only think of two and in their cases it's also partially because of their religious background. On the other hand, I can think of much more people of my age that are married or have children in the second group. They seem to settle much earlier in my experience.

Personally, I have no intentions whatsoever to get married or have children until I'm close to thirty, at the very earliest.

Chris
19-09-2005, 13:20:13
Originally posted by Lazarus and the Gimp
This puzzles me. I was married at 25 and a parent at 29. Among my peers, I was the last to do both so it felt like I was leaving things late.

However, by the standards of the people I've got to know on-line I feel pretty precocious. Most of those I associate with on-line are a few years younger than me, so are we seeing some widespread lifestyle changes? 31 and 35 for me, so you started way sooner.

Drekkus
19-09-2005, 13:40:57
Anyway, I have the feeling years are going by faster and faster.

Tizzy
19-09-2005, 13:42:38
You know you're getting old when that starts happening.

I'm getting old :(

Lurker the Second
19-09-2005, 14:26:42
Bah.

Lurker the Seconder
19-09-2005, 14:39:21
yaaaay.

Japher
19-09-2005, 14:40:21
being old gives an excuse for the dimensia

Chris
19-09-2005, 14:45:36
As you get older, time does indeed speed up.

Its very cosmic.

Drekkus
19-09-2005, 14:54:49
What dimensia are you in?

Chris
19-09-2005, 15:04:22
The Lovitz zone.

Aredhran
19-09-2005, 16:16:51
I just got married at 34, no kids yet I'll keep you posted on that one whenever it comes ;)

In Switzerland, fewer and fewer people marry before 25-30. A lot of people go to university until about 25, then travel etc. Marriage comes usually after that (if it ever does). There is also an increasing number of unmarried, long-term couples (with or without kids)

Japher
19-09-2005, 16:20:14
are we seeing some widespread lifestyle changes?


I think so... It accounts for Italy's population decline, but I think that the way western society is these days you need to stay single or a non-parent longer in order to get a better competitive edge, or at least that is what many believe.

Of course having kids at 40 y.o. has a better chance of producing a Drekkus.

I am 30, just had my first and have been married for 4 years. I am about in the middle of the pack for marriage as far as my friends are concerned, and one of the first to become a daddy.

JM^3
19-09-2005, 18:43:22
children are suppose to be healthier if they are born before women get into their late 30s... (I think are healthiest born when parents are ~20)

also, there are suppose to be a town or area in Italy that is paying 10k or 30k or something for every kid... (because pop i sgetting so bad there)

Jon Miller

The Norks
19-09-2005, 18:53:08
i don't have any married friends or friends with kids, although there are a few sprogged up in the extended circle.

I was a bit worried about that thing on the news the other day about women starting families before 35 or the risks dramatically increasing. I never used to think about kids but now i'm nearing 30 its more on my mind. Its a bit depressing that even if I met someone and married them right now I would only have a couple of years before I had to think about having a sprog. I would have liked a few years just with the father. Then again I dont know if i want kids or a husband lol.

mr.G
19-09-2005, 19:00:18
Originally posted by Chris
As you get older, time does indeed speed up. it's simple math.... if you are 35 the next year is 1/36th of your life...... if you are 5 the next year is 1/6 of your life.

Japher
19-09-2005, 20:13:52
children are suppose to be healthier if they are born before women get into their late 30s... (I think are healthiest born when parents are ~20)


Doctors told my wife that because her mom has had ovaria cancer that her chances would be greatly reduced if she had a kid by 30. `

Gary
19-09-2005, 22:34:47
How's the human race supposed to evolve if you don't push it in the direction you want ?

Extend the period when you have the choice by leaving it late, and just cussing your luck if your genes are the ones to leave the gene pool.

Tizzy
20-09-2005, 10:21:23
Originally posted by The Norks
i don't have any married friends or friends with kids, although there are a few sprogged up in the extended circle.

I was a bit worried about that thing on the news the other day about women starting families before 35 or the risks dramatically increasing. I never used to think about kids but now i'm nearing 30 its more on my mind. Its a bit depressing that even if I met someone and married them right now I would only have a couple of years before I had to think about having a sprog. I would have liked a few years just with the father. Then again I dont know if i want kids or a husband lol.

It's something you can't help thinking about though. A friend of mine has never been bothered about having kids but now it's bothering her, as time goes on and it seems more and more likely she never will.

I've been thinking about this too because of the thing in the news. I want kids sometime, but when? When is a "good time"?
My sister wants to have her first baby in about 2 years, once she's finished her professional exams but before she properly starts her career. Is that the best time? Should she interrupt her exams and then go back to them later? With little experience after her exams will she find it difficult to go back to work afterwards, will her knowledge be out of date?

I always pictured myself with kids, but when things went wrong a couple of years ago I sort of wrote it off, and I realised that my strong desire to have a baby at that time was more about changing my life than actually wanting a child. Now that I'm happy and feeling settled things seem to be changing though!

Tizzy
20-09-2005, 10:42:20
Sorry, I seem to be channelling Darkstar this morning.

King_Ghidra
20-09-2005, 10:57:03
as long as you use protection it should be ok

Aredhran
20-09-2005, 13:23:34
oooo

watch your dingding KG it's gonna get kicked

MoSe
20-09-2005, 13:45:19
this thread depressed me so I didn't read it.
I won't delve into details of how all my youth gfs were all getting married, babies and then divorces while I sat on the river bank.
I'll just say that my grandma begat my mother at 25 (and earlier my uncle at 23); my mother begat my sister at 27 (and earlier me at 24); my syster only begat 1 child, my niece, at 33.

JM^3
20-09-2005, 14:02:35
my family has mostly had their first kids in their 20s.. for a number of generations

my great grandparents havn't quite died off.. and they are that old (90s..)

JM

Lurker the Second
20-09-2005, 15:22:25
Originally posted by MoSe

I'll just say that my grandma begat my mother at 25 (and earlier my uncle at 23); my mother begat my sister at 27 (and earlier me at 24); my syster only begat 1 child, my niece, at 33.

What is this, old testament class?

MoSe
20-09-2005, 15:25:44
yeah direct lineage :)

King_Ghidra
20-09-2005, 16:13:14
Moses -> Mose

say no more

The Norks
20-09-2005, 19:03:42
Originally posted by Tizzy
It's something you can't help thinking about though. A friend of mine has never been bothered about having kids but now it's bothering her, as time goes on and it seems more and more likely she never will.

I've been thinking about this too because of the thing in the news. I want kids sometime, but when? When is a "good time"?
My sister wants to have her first baby in about 2 years, once she's finished her professional exams but before she properly starts her career. Is that the best time? Should she interrupt her exams and then go back to them later? With little experience after her exams will she find it difficult to go back to work afterwards, will her knowledge be out of date?

I always pictured myself with kids, but when things went wrong a couple of years ago I sort of wrote it off, and I realised that my strong desire to have a baby at that time was more about changing my life than actually wanting a child. Now that I'm happy and feeling settled things seem to be changing though!

uh huh... the thing for me is that when I was younger my glamorous childless auntie seemed aspirational and cool, now she seems like she has too much time on her hands and talks to dogs as if they were children. Thats been a bit of a headfuck for me. I'm starting to wonder what the point is unless you have kids.

Lazarus and the Gimp
20-09-2005, 19:18:15
Originally posted by The Norks
now she seems like she has too much time on her hands

Lucky fucker.

JM^3
20-09-2005, 19:34:21
I think that the most important thing that you do, is affecting others.

If you go through life, and do nothing, then that is waste.

(Of course, I think you should affect others for Good)

A good way to do that is to have good children, as they will affect others after you are dead (and you will be a major influence intheir lives). Teaching is another good way, as is being a scientist (I think, although currently I am having doubts of being the sort of scientist that adds much..).

So yes, children are important. I want as many as is possible.

Jon Miller

Lurker the Second
20-09-2005, 19:41:11
Damn Norks, you sure have done a 180 from a year or two ago.

DevilsH@lo
20-09-2005, 20:51:23
Originally posted by Lurker the Second
Damn Norks, you sure have done a 180 from a year or two ago.

Fucking telling me! :eek:

Gary
20-09-2005, 21:37:53
Do something good with your life. Leave no kids of your own behind when you shuffle off this mortal plain. Help slowdown the race to overpopulate the universe.

JM^3
20-09-2005, 21:41:00
that is really nihilistic

might as well go commit suicide now

JM

Lurker the Second
20-09-2005, 21:42:17
What? And get no more beer? What kind of fool are you?

Gary
20-09-2005, 22:05:36
:confused:

Lazarus and the Gimp
20-09-2005, 22:07:48
Originally posted by Gary
Do something good with your life. Leave no kids of your own behind when you shuffle off this mortal plain. Help slowdown the race to overpopulate the universe.

Solutions start at home. Are you opting for sterilisation or suicide?

Gary
20-09-2005, 22:56:32
Neither, I have self control.

The Norks
21-09-2005, 07:52:15
Originally posted by Lurker the Second
Damn Norks, you sure have done a 180 from a year or two ago.

Not really, I've always liked the idea of adoption, but I guess coming up to 30 I've started to think about the whole subject area more, as any final decisions I make will become relevant in the next five-ten years.

King_Ghidra
21-09-2005, 09:07:23
Originally posted by JM^3
I think that the most important thing that you do, is affecting others.

If you go through life, and do nothing, then that is waste.

(Of course, I think you should affect others for Good)

A good way to do that is to have good children, as they will affect others after you are dead (and you will be a major influence intheir lives). Teaching is another good way, as is being a scientist (I think, although currently I am having doubts of being the sort of scientist that adds much..).

So yes, children are important. I want as many as is possible.

Jon Miller

this is all rather tangential, but your argument is just a chase for some kind of undefined concept of 'affecting others' (as in raping them? stealing their stuff?) with no purpose.

if you can't define a valid reason as to why affecting others is a logical option, then doing nothing is an equally valid option.

maybe the best option is not affect anyone and just curl up in a ball and quietly die

:cute:

Gary
21-09-2005, 09:14:31
I think many, if not most spiritual, and possibly philisophical ideas, tend to hold to the idea of affecting others in a positive way. Variations on the theme of 'do as you would be done by'. Helping others as you would like to be helped yourself.

I don't see how that squares with trying to ensure a large part of the future population carries your own genes, by having as many kids as possible. That more of a, 'bugger everyone else, I'm going to dominate here', type of thing.

Funko
21-09-2005, 09:21:58
Variations on the theme of 'do as you would be done by'.

Good in theory but in practice I'd need to buy people beer and food and give them blow jobs so I don't like this plan.

fp
21-09-2005, 10:29:18
:lol:

Drekkus
21-09-2005, 12:08:39
:lol:

The Higgelhoff
21-09-2005, 13:26:41
Originally posted by Funko
Good in theory but in practice I'd need to buy people beer and food and give them blow jobs so I don't like this plan.

You'd want a blowjob from yourself?!?! :eek:

Funko
21-09-2005, 13:28:21
Who hasn't tried at one time or another? I reckon I'd be damn good.

JM^3
21-09-2005, 13:37:57
Originally posted by King_Ghidra
this is all rather tangential, but your argument is just a chase for some kind of undefined concept of 'affecting others' (as in raping them? stealing their stuff?) with no purpose.

if you can't define a valid reason as to why affecting others is a logical option, then doing nothing is an equally valid option.

maybe the best option is not affect anyone and just curl up in a ball and quietly die

:cute:

the purpose is to do good

also, I am religious, but don't use that in my arguments because I figure it is not common in Britons

JM

Venom
21-09-2005, 13:39:14
Originally posted by Funko
Who hasn't tried at one time or another? I reckon I'd be damn good.

You have practice a lot on other guys.

The Higgelhoff
21-09-2005, 13:41:20
:lol:

King_Ghidra
21-09-2005, 13:48:34
Originally posted by JM^3
the purpose is to do good

also, I am religious, but don't use that in my arguments because I figure it is not common in Britons

JM

but we have religious bombers, didn't you hear?

The Higgelhoff
21-09-2005, 13:52:30
:rolleyes:

They aren't Britons. They're asylum seekers.

King_Ghidra
21-09-2005, 14:05:43
more like heat seekers

Funko
21-09-2005, 14:10:46
Ok well I know what not to read on the tube then.

The Higgelhoff
21-09-2005, 14:15:49
Gay Leather Boot Fetish Weekly?

King_Ghidra
21-09-2005, 14:17:02
:lol:

i thought it went monthly now :o

Lazarus and the Gimp
21-09-2005, 17:30:42
Originally posted by Gary
I think many, if not most spiritual, and possibly philisophical ideas, tend to hold to the idea of affecting others in a positive way. Variations on the theme of 'do as you would be done by'. Helping others as you would like to be helped yourself.

I don't see how that squares with trying to ensure a large part of the future population carries your own genes, by having as many kids as possible. That more of a, 'bugger everyone else, I'm going to dominate here', type of thing.

Have you taken this up with your parents?

fp
21-09-2005, 18:08:40
I wish someone had.

Gary
21-09-2005, 19:06:00
Wouldn't need to given the number of surviving children they had, in any case, they are of a different generation when such things were not so apparent, and anyway, they are both dead.

Lazarus and the Gimp
21-09-2005, 19:17:19
Actually, Malthusian theories have been a near-constant in some form or other for 200 years.