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Lazarus and the Gimp
06-09-2005, 19:12:06
If all the world's varieties of cheese were given intelligence, limbs and a random selection of superpowers, which one would win in a fist-fight?

I'd pick gruyere. I think it would fight dirty.

Chris
06-09-2005, 19:15:52
Swiss wins, cause you would always miss hitting it, with all those holes.

Scabrous Birdseed
06-09-2005, 19:18:25
Parmesan, cause it's well 'ard, innit?

Lazarus and the Gimp
06-09-2005, 19:18:59
Yeah, but gruyere would pack a blade.

Immortal Wombat
06-09-2005, 19:28:25
Brie would be like the fat sticky kid in the corner who smells funny and laughes at the wrong time. The one nobody really wants to fight because it would be like killing a puppy and it would make your hands dirty.

MattHiggs
06-09-2005, 19:31:15
Chedder the Shredder!

Nav
06-09-2005, 19:45:34
Blue Stilton, would be excellent undercover behind enemy lines as the enemy would think it was already dead (and steer well clear).

Venom
06-09-2005, 20:01:49
Wouldn't it depend on the super powers each cheese obtained?

Lazarus and the Gimp
06-09-2005, 20:09:35
No. Fool.

Venom
06-09-2005, 20:20:09
What if one of the powers was invincible fists of doom?

Chris
06-09-2005, 20:24:47
How about continuos flatulence?

Lazarus and the Gimp
06-09-2005, 20:43:28
Originally posted by Venom
What if one of the powers was invincible fists of doom?

And combined with the Really Bad Aim of Spackyness? They'd miss.

Immortal Wombat
06-09-2005, 21:10:44
Would the hardness of parmesan be able to take on the strength of super-strong farmhouse cheddar?

Japher
06-09-2005, 21:17:35
Gouda... because all the others wouldn't be able to stop saying/making fun of it's name

mr.G
06-09-2005, 22:29:22
like?

Vincent
07-09-2005, 08:24:30
Gorgonzola would simply turn the other cheese to stone!

Oerdin
07-09-2005, 09:01:04
Originally posted by Lazarus and the Gimp
If all the world's varieties of cheese were given intelligence, limbs and a random selection of superpowers, which one would win in a fist-fight?

I'd pick gruyere. I think it would fight dirty.

Fights dirty? Bollocks! Limburger would win every time. Any cheese that smells like dirty feet has the stamina to knock down it's enmenies; or atleast it's smell will.

The Norks
07-09-2005, 09:18:55
I think the supermarket mini cheeses would rise up and form a ramshackle army combining the skills of all the larger cheeses- armour plated babybels, tiny viking pillagers danish blue, limber & versatile cheestrings, and viciously sharp slices of camembert. Vive la Revolution!

Funko
07-09-2005, 09:36:31
I have a feeling the sneaky French Cheeses might from* some kind of alliance and start building roqueforts to defend their territories.





* as in fromage, yes it should be form and yes this is the lowest I've ever stooped

The Norks
07-09-2005, 09:44:01
I would never have brie-lieved it of you Funko :)

Funko
07-09-2005, 09:44:20
Cheshire would.

Nills Lagerbaak
07-09-2005, 10:12:21
Fight the dutch and you'd be e-damned to hell. don't mess with the swiss cos they're e-mental!

Venom
07-09-2005, 13:13:51
Originally posted by Funko
I have a feeling the sneaky French Cheeses might from* some kind of alliance and start building roqueforts to defend their territories.





* as in fromage, yes it should be form and yes this is the lowest I've ever stooped

Did you just PH one of your own terrible puns? That's the lowest anyone could go.

Funko
07-09-2005, 15:02:53
I know, I even said that.

Kitsuki
07-09-2005, 15:38:50
Babybells are blatantly the most intelligent - being circular and all they must have the wheel down to a tee - and its mobility where it counts in modern warfare.

King_Ghidra
07-09-2005, 15:40:24
hmm...but one mighty wheel of gouda could destroy a mini-babybel regiment

Kitsuki
07-09-2005, 15:44:19
Hmm, not if they equipped Ben Hur stylee cheese grater attachments. Strength in numbers mate.

MDA
07-09-2005, 16:28:55
Is this Tilsit fit?

The Norks
07-09-2005, 16:33:41
dairylea and laughing cow could join forces to form a kind of lethal cheese based magma

Nills Lagerbaak
07-09-2005, 16:52:44
I'm afraid, all things considered. One mighty wheel of Gouda could destroy all things cheesy. I remember reading Asterix in Switzerland (?) and being very impressed with the huge wheel of cheese the had.

MOBIUS
07-09-2005, 17:34:58
Nothing can stand in the way of Cornish Yarg - it is the grate-est!

The Norks
07-09-2005, 18:50:32
what about a giant prehistoric bog cheese lumbering down the street, roaring at stunned bystanders?

MOBIUS
07-09-2005, 18:56:12
Obviously from Somerset...:eek:

Lazarus and the Gimp
07-09-2005, 19:43:45
Sounds more like Gloucestershire.

How about a Cheese Race Special Double Gloucester fitted with scythe blades?

lightblue
07-09-2005, 21:13:33
Hmm can't remember the exact name (Crotte de Diable? something like that), but translated into English the french cheese would be called Devil's Droppings. It smells strong enough to destroy any other cheese about I fear.

Barring that any ofthe nettle related cheeses might provide some entertainment.

Japher
07-09-2005, 21:34:12
ah... Cortte de Diablo, aka Venom's Ass

Venom
07-09-2005, 21:46:35
My ass cheese is indeed lethal.

MOBIUS
07-09-2005, 21:47:53
Originally posted by lightblue
Hmm can't remember the exact name (Crotte de Diable? something like that), but translated into English the french cheese would be called Devil's Droppings. It smells strong enough to destroy any other cheese about I fear.

Barring that any ofthe nettle related cheeses might provide some entertainment.

So worse than some Rochefort forgotten in a dungeon since the middle ages...:gasmaske:

Sir Penguin
07-09-2005, 23:04:29
The only way to win is not to fight, thus, Swiss.

SP

Venom
08-09-2005, 00:27:28
Wrong, you can still get you ass kicked by not fighting. See how long it takes you to get knocked the fuck out if you don't put up your dukes.

lightblue
08-09-2005, 08:19:23
Originally posted by MOBIUS
So worse than some Rochefort forgotten in a dungeon since the middle ages...:gasmaske:

My dad once bought some and my mom made him keep it in the shed as even in a plastic container in the fridge it stank the house out :)

Funko
08-09-2005, 09:59:40
Originally posted by Sir Penguin
The only way to win is not to fight, thus, Swiss.

SP

Been watching WarGames?

mr.G
08-09-2005, 10:20:48
Ferdinand & Jankon built the first cheese factory in 1878, ... The Oostburg
Lumber & Grain company is owned and operated by the Pantzer Lumber company.

we've got a winner

MDA
08-09-2005, 12:00:49
The only way to win is not to (to not?) play the game.

http://www.python.org/pypi

:lol:

Sir Penguin
08-09-2005, 15:28:11
http://www.thinkgeek.com/images/products/zoom/winning-move.jpg

SP

KrazyHorse
08-09-2005, 15:30:19
I like how one of the tracks is between Panama and Borneo

WTF?

KrazyHorse
08-09-2005, 15:33:23
Hmmm. Might be Nicaragua or Costa Rica, actually

Kitsuki
08-09-2005, 15:33:28
Since when did any country in Western Africa

a ) have nuclear weapons
b ) have a desire to nuke China...?

:lol:

KrazyHorse
08-09-2005, 15:33:59
How do you know China's not nuking Western Africa?

Venom
08-09-2005, 15:48:43
Panama and Borneo are ancient enemies.

King_Ghidra
08-09-2005, 15:54:22
their forefathers traded nukes before the white men came

Nills Lagerbaak
08-09-2005, 15:57:57
White man sold them whiskey and took their Nukes.

KrazyHorse
08-09-2005, 15:58:57
Fair trade.

Funko
08-09-2005, 16:01:04
I only buy Fair Trade nukes.

KrazyHorse
08-09-2005, 16:02:25
If I had a nuke I'd sell it for whiskey

Venom
08-09-2005, 16:06:18
I will build a nuke out of whiskey. I will split the whiskey atom.

mr.G
08-09-2005, 16:11:52
yaaaay and gave twice as much whiskey
Venom you are brilliant

King_Ghidra
08-09-2005, 16:29:56
i suppose the russians will be firing vodka

and on that basis, it is the mexicans and greeks who i fear the most

Nills Lagerbaak
08-09-2005, 16:52:40
What? can't handle the tequilla and boozo? I fear the Italians and their filthy fortified wines. :vom:

Fergus & The Brazen Car
10-09-2005, 10:07:34
Runny Limburger, or this one:

Stinking Bishop is said to be derived from a cheese once made by Cistercian monks in the village of Dymock. Monks have always been associated with the production of 'washed rind' cheeses. These are cheeses which are washed in a variety of liquids. They are generally full-flavoured with lively aromas. Stinking Bishop is no exception and uses perry as its wash. It has a sticky yellow-orange rind and smells of old socks. The paste is soft and creamy, the flavour is delicious and, although full and distinctive, it is not quite as pungent as the odour may imply! At certain times of year the paste becomes firmer and slightly crumbly. The cheese is similar to the famous French Epoisses which has been banned from the public transport system in Paris. In fact, at a recent cheese show in France they were amazed to discover that Stinking Bishop was made in England.

http://www.teddingtoncheese.co.uk/acatalog/de339.htm


I bought some Limburger from a German delicatessen in Coventry once, as part of our German experience at a school open evening- it also had caraway seeds in it, so not only was it slightly ripe, but it also gave the impression of being infested with some small creatures (cheese weevils ?) or their droppings.

When opened up, it reeked so mightily, we had to place it in a tupperware container, so that people would enter the classroom and perhaps sample some of the Lebkuchen or wurst, rather than imagine that we had incarcerated the rancid corpse of the school's founder, Queen Isabella, in a desk.

The Stinking Bishop I had the dubious pleasure of encountering at a friend's house in Herefordshire; when I went in the door, I could smell this musty aroma, dank but sharp at the same time. I thought perhaps one of her cats had had some kind of bizarre stomach ailment, or that her drains might be playing up- but no, the culprit was revealed after we had finished the main course.

Joanne said the Bishop's borborygmic stench was so bad that she had had to remove it from the fridge (where it had been wrapped in butcher's paper, a plastic container and three carrier bags) and place it hanging up outside. It had been so smelly that her cats ran away from it, and wouldn't approach her until she'd washed her hands in Dettol.


When I sampled it I suddenly thought what the sense sensations of someone who devoured rotting corpse-flesh might be like, as they indulged their passion.

LoD
10-09-2005, 10:55:44
Originally posted by Nills Lagerbaak
What? can't handle the tequilla and boozo? I fear the Italians and their filthy fortified wines. :vom:

Than it's a good you haven't experienced Polish fortified "wines". Fortunately we banned some kinds of them a couple of years ago :gasmaske:.

Oerdin
10-09-2005, 21:19:51
Originally posted by Nills Lagerbaak
What? can't handle the tequilla and boozo? I fear the Italians and their filthy fortified wines. :vom:

Seconded. Fortified wines suck ass while a well aged 100% agave Tequila is a rare & fine drink.

MoSe
12-09-2005, 08:43:47
Originally posted by MOBIUS
So worse than some Rochefort forgotten in a dungeon since the middle ages...:gasmaske:

I'll be still laying my bets on Rock Fort

MoSe
12-09-2005, 08:48:03
Originally posted by Funko
* as in fromage, yes it should be form and yes this is the lowest I've ever stooped
unless....

...unless you actually knew that fromage in french becomes formaggio in italian
:D

Funko
12-09-2005, 09:16:01
:lol: